random thoughts

hmm.

basically i dont have much to blog about.
boring life.

yesterday met up with jc class.
essential brew has rather nice ambience.
lovely.
but the food is rather normal.
in fact, nothing special.
then stay-overed at joel's place and watched pirates of the carribean.
like finally.
haha. i'm how damn out-dated.

completed watching gundam seed series.
50 eps in all.
gonna start watching others.
haha. i'm crazy.

today packed up my place.
and of course packed up stuff to bring to hostel.
tmr's the last chance to bring everything.
then i'm gonna start hostel life.
gosh.
haha.

just woke up after sleeping for hours.
i wonder if i can fall asleep tonight.
gosh.

sigh

i feel like crying.
damn it.
now have to use my sis' laptop to online.
simply cos my laptop is giving some problems about accessing the internet.

i'm upset cos i cant do anything about it.
i hate it when i'm so dumb.
i dont know what to do about the laptop.
totally have no idea.

sigh.
i wish i can get it done.
yet i dont know a single thing about how to deal with it.
argh.
stressed.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

extreme mugger mode

what a week to start off with.
kind of not very used to school i guess.
in a huge mess.

i just realised that i missed the first lecture of this week.
monday's lecture wasnt cancelled.
but i didnt know.
stupid la.
they didnt teach me how to access the online announcements.
now it's so dumb.
i'll have to read the notes and figure it out myself.
until i can get help.
argh.

and tmr there's an assignment due.
hope i dont screw things up anymore.

went to get a laundry rack today.
thanks to ps who accompanied me all the way down to carrefour.
and helping me lug it at the expense of her glam.
simply cos i had to lug my laptop too.

well.
gonna have class tmr.
sigh. moving to hostel from next week onwards.
i hope i dont screw things up.

pissed

those who most probably saw my face tonight can tell that i am super bloody hell pissed.
haha. i think that person most probably is linda and the others around the hall.

today had some initiation run.
which started at 6.30 pm.
basically there was lecture today in the morn from 10.30 to 12.30.
first feel of really back to school.
copying notes.
then nbs had some talk that lasted for super long.
all the way till 4 plus.
then i was how lucky to be the chosen one to report earlier by an hour to the hall for the event thing.
stupid.
bleh.

then ran around although i am supposed to be on mc.
played station games somemore.
argh.
what the la. i havent moved most of my things to hall and i intend to do that only like by monday.
when i'll start camping there.
argh.
then end up only end at 11 plus.
dirty, wet.
argh
damn shit.
anyhow shower then had to rush to catch bus back home la.
i boarded the last bus home. phew.
damn it la.
i'm pissed until i can kill someone liao.
arghhhhh.

then now then reach home.
super shag.
tmr gonna have flag day.
i pray that things will be fine.
gosh. with the nkf scandal.
i wonder if i'll face any danger tmr.
haha.

first day of school

nothing much in school today basically.
went for lunch with linda at jp.
then after that headed for school.
went to the room to dump our stuff first.

basically i was still very tired.
very much worn out.
either cos i'm not used to school starting.
or i'm just too sick to concentrate.

anyway.
took pics of my room, which i shall post at my class blog.
haha. i'm so proud of it.
cos ps came to take a look and commented that it's super neat.
some great achievement for me i guess.
haha.

not going to move in to stay until next week though.
cos first week of school seems rather shitty still.
bleh.

yesterday went to airport to send danxu off and took a pic with her.
i look rather shag in the pic.
but well, it's the first photo that i shall be posting with my new haircut. :)

looking back

just some random thoughts before i go off to sleep.
school's finally starting.
and that signifies the end of my close to 8 months long break.

changes that went through these few months.
i seriously would nvr ever have imagined.
just 8 months and i think there's a lot in me that have changed.
some things in me that are different from where i left off.
i cant imagine what will happen years down the road.
far more changes that i can ever ever imagine.

so.
a rather quick run through of what i went through this long break.

went on my first trip to thailand right after the end of a levels.
first time there.
and although the things are relatively much cheaper, i dont really want to go there again.
dont really like being somewhere i dont know how to communicate with the people.
makes me feel unsafe and dumb.
but no doubt had loads of first hand experience on many things.
the walk under the sea, the banana boat ride that left me stranded some distance off the shore.

prom. the first time i ever go for a prom night.
and the only thing i did was to eat and take photo with the few people i know.
of course, despite all. there's the wonderful memories left.

after which, i impulsively cut my long hair which i had for around 2 years.
and whined so much about it being short when it was close to april this year.
cos the hair was kind of messy at the midlength then.

started this blog. some days before my sis left for atlanta i think.
and now it's flooded with my crap.
it's been months long.

spent my first chinese new year without my sis.
kind of awkward to not have her around.
honestly, the only thing i love about cny is the food and the angbao.

watched constantine.
watched hide n seek.
in february.

met a few of my online friends that i knew through gb.
the one and only meeting that i ever attended.
very anti-social on my part.
but well.
i'm a busy person.

got my a level results.
finally progressed from o level to a level cert.
some higher level.
and of course obtained results i would dream of getting.
was really really glad about that.
watched hitch.

spent close to 50 bucks on the very first short skirt that i bought.
which isnt really very short from other's point of view.
short imo.
after which, more skirts came along the way.
i was splurging like mad on stuff.
well. there was gss after that what.

spent my first time camping at the airport.
waiting for my sis to come back from atlanta.
a rather interesting experience.
totally spent my time reading and trying to stay awake.
but the airport is cool the way it is.
was super duper happy that sis got back.
although at first her luggage didnt.
and it was good that she actually got it back in the end.
cos that was how i managed to try chocs from us.
way too cool. ever since then i have been complaining that i want to go on a trip.

watched robots.
watched star wars.

started attending abt classes in the morn for saturdays.
part of my plan to keep fit.
hmm...

had a birthday party for my sis.
it was a cum my birthday.
but well. mine wasnt a big deal.
so kind of. my birthday passed just like that. and i have turned 19.

watched madagascar.
and totally became in love with that cute song.
watched mr and mrs smith.
saw how good looking brad pitt was and how gorgeous angelina jolie was.

went for girl's stayover at jiaying's place.
although it was a small group.
we shared a lot of things among us.
wonder when's the next time we'll ever get to spend such time together.
everyone is gonna move on already.

watched initial d.
totally loved the song, totally liked edison in the show. how cool.

got a new haircut.
and now i'm very much happy with it.
and highlighted my hair for the first time ever in my entire life.
of course, i feel very happy when people comment that it's nice.
proves that i didnt waste my money. :)

went for the first orientation camp this year.
totally wore myself out.
got myself a new nickname which i think it's a total joke.
got myself into some mess that i would totally smear my own name.
gosh. need to hide my face in some deep pit. and hope that i dont fall deeper. bleh.

of course, there's a lot. i cant really remember all.
and of course, there are some that i rather not mention.
but well.
school's starting.
another beginning.
becoming a freshmen in ntu.
hopefully, a new start. a good start.

8 months,
not too long,
not too short.

but the things that happen.
the little memories here and there.
i guess. they are the ones that will ultimately bring me to where i am supposed to be at.
trying to walk down the path.
adapting to the changes.
and trying to face the new ones that will come along.
whatever it is.
moving on.

maybe someday i will finally get to experience this.

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

~ Nelson Mandela ~

updates

loads of update to be done.
finally got back from camp.
had been away for the past week, in case most people didnt realised.

had been away at hall orientation camp.
general comments: super fun but super shag.
i' worn out.

dont really want to go into details of the camp.
cos i think it would be too draggy to mention everything here.

basically there was a lot of cheering for games.
to the extent that i am now have a super hoarse voice.
which makes me really upset.
dont think i'll even be able to sing properly.
sobs.
hopefully, i'll recover soon.

got back yesterday.
and was down with fever.
hit 38.8 degree celsius.
gosh. felt really sick.
but much better now with enough rest.
taking my medication properly.
i want to be well and alive again.

school's starting.
hope things will be well.
:)

?desserts

stress is an ignorant state. it believes that everything is an emergency. nothing is that important.

~natalie goldberg~

i guess i was in such an ignorant state yesterday.
didnt really quite get hold of myself.
i blew my top.
sigh.
hostel is stressing me out.
i admit.
all the things that have to do in that short period of time.
and plus how clueless i was.
i was stressed.
and in a certain way. i didnt calm down to think that clearly.
i guess i caused myself to land in such a state.
in fact, all along i thought i was ready to move in.
yet, i actually wasnt quite.
i thought i had got all the stuff.
only when i got down today.
was packing up the place with linda, then i realised i havent really planned things well too.
some things that i missed out. didnt quite really got myself ready to move in anytime.
indeed, an ignorant state. when stressed, thinking straight wasnt the what i exactly did.
in fact, i guess i screwed up more.
and at the same time made people around me really totally upset.

i guess it's time to learn.
to deal with things the way to come.
if i ever land in getting stressed. setting my mind to think right most probably is what i should do.
think. think. think.
figuring a way out to get rid of the stress is definitely better than whining about being stressed.

anyway, i once saw a friend's msn nick which made me realised that "stressed" spelt from the back ends up with "desserts". sweet? haha.
i guess dealing with stress can be a sweet process of growing up.
learning. i guess i still need to grow up.

today managed to clean up the room and then went around to buy things i missed out.
gonna move more stuff in tmr before the start of the camp.
now i feel much better.
after that was in a really better mood to shop around with ps.
i guess. i rewarded myself for solving a problem that i had. :)

the pleasures in life, i'm still trying to learn how to appreciate...

some down more to go

done with some stuff.
roughly packed the stuff that i need to bring down to hostel.
i think i'm in a rather big mess. i really have no idea what to do.
although i thought i had in mind what i needed to do.
argh. major screw up.

but ya.
done with some stuff.
i've packed a bit for the camp.
i've packed a rather large portion of things to put in hostel.

done with my haircut.
got my hair highlighted today.
so it's some rather major change.
first time i attempt such things.
haha. sounds really like some "toot" geek.
but ya. i'm perfectly happy with my new hairstyle.

and bought my laptop.
thanks to don who helped me looked around.
gosh. i wonder what i can really achieve within that short time i have to get my laptop.
people like me with practically zero knowledge of computers.
only 3 options.
1. dont bother to get one.
2. read up until you get out of the "zero knowledge" range.
3. get help.
hehe.
and yea. according to him, it's damn cool. so ya. i'm gonna so love my laptop when it's properly done.
wahh haha. i'm happy.

excited.
yet worried.

school's starting.
yet. i'm like in a mess packing for hostel.
hope i really get things done very well.

:)

pray

time

time and tide waits for no man.
indeed.
slowly running out of time.
school's starting.
and i realised i dont have enough time to settle what is needed to be settled.

of all things.
i thought i had it all planned out properly.
sigh.
sometimes, it just takes on thing to screw up the entire plan.
moving in.
but the problem is.
when.
trying to squeeze time out to move my things into hostel so that i'll be ready when school starts.
omg omg omg.
and i realised. i really only am left with that short time.
whatever it is.
now my schedule is packed until i can nvr imagine.
all the way till 24th.

that's if. everything goes on ideally.
packed properly with enough breathing space once in a while. ideally.
i wonder how crazy it'll turn out if it isnt ideal after all.
i can just shoot myself.

stressed.
but at the same time excited.
the irony?

the stress is wearing me out though.

if music be the food of love

a title of a song that i sang years back when i was still in chorale.
totally love the tune of it.
i love music. music is lovely.
haha.

anyway.
was reflecting on the way i eat today.
i realised. i totally have no image to speak of when i am eating.
so today. during my 20 minutes long dinner break.
10 minutes was spent shopping for groceries at cold storage.
which leaves me with 10 minutes for eating.
and yeap. what happen was. i went to kfc.
got myself a shrooms burger meal.
i was monitoring the time quite well because i cant get back late from my break.
so what hap was. i realised.
including the time that i take to walk to kfc and ordering. and then start eating the burger as i walk. then to sitting down to eating it at a place nearby. to the time i finish eating the burger.
it took me about 3 minutes.
which effectively means i took less than 3 minutes to finish eating, or should i say gorging, the burger.
woohoo. i cant imagine how i looked as i eat and walk.
bet i was a total embarrassment.
then again. i took less than 4 minutes to finish up the whipped potato.
why is it slower than the burger? cos the whipped potato was really hot. or else i would have taken less than half the time i took i guess.
so all in all. i managed to finish my dinner in less than 10 minutes. i reported back to the stall even before the 20 minutes is up.
amazing?
sigh. not in my opinion.
reflecting on it. i am more appalled than anything else.
i guess. i should learn to appreciate the art of eating.
i have yet to perfect it. or should i say, i havent even got to the basics.
sigh. a bad habit cultivated.
eating should be a pleasure. a pleasure that i should learn to indulge in.
like seriously.
i wonder how long it has been for me to take more than 10 minutes to finish off my food.
like never?
even in restaurants, i can finish off an item rather quickly i suppose.

time to really improve on my eating habit.
gonna start eating more slowly.
or else i'll really suffer from indigestion soon.
and no one will dare to dine with me anymore. haha.

the art of dining well is no slight art, the pleasure not a slight pleasure.

~ michel de montaigne (1533 - 1592) ~

basic courtesy

shall for once stop being so self-centred and post about my daily happenings.
but well. gonna post some of my trashy thoughts here for today.
very much cos of what i went through today. but well. here goes my crap.

queue cutting.
basic human instinct to wish that you are in the front of the queue when you see yourself standing in this queue that most probably gonna make you waste time standing there.
doing nothing except thinking when it'll be your turn.
greatest wish at that point in time you can "cut" into the queue without having one or more unsatisfied homosapiens commenting that you jumped queue.
my view is. i like to hope to be able to jump queue. yet i dont do that. and i totally hate having people cutting in my queue.
there are times when i have ignored people cutting in, pretending to chat with the friend who is in front. then by the time you know it. that person already squeezed the butt into that queue.
yet, there are times i feel a strong desire to ask that person who "cut" queue to get the hell of that place. managed to hold myself back as yet.
finding it rather dumb to kick a big fuss out of such things.
yet.
there are times i really plan what i will say if someone cuts my queue. haha. dont meet me in a queue when i'm not in such a fine mood.

an incident today made me rather pissed off.
was standing in the queue waiting to make payments for hostel accomodation at ntu today.
met a whole huge bunch of people who were, like me, paying for hostel accomodation.
apparently, they knew each other quite well.
so ya. i was surrounded by this large group of people who was making a hell lot of noise.
first thing, when it's really a din. i get pissed easily. i wonder why. but i cant stand having people talking nonsense so loudly.
then this girl in front of me. called her friends at the back to just join the group in the front.
argh. she herself already cut my queue. damn it. i didnt make any comment.
then before she shouted to her friends, already have 2 idiots automatically cutting into the line.
so by the time she shouted to her friends at the back. my tolerance level was close to max.
haha. should see the way i stared at her when she made that comment. gosh.
i wasnt going to let anyone get away taking so much advantage.
crap. i stared or maybe glared at her. luckily, her friends said they dont want to.
or else i will really blow my top.
gosh. i was telling myself any other bunch of people that come shuffling their butts in gonna get it from me.

maybe i over-reacted. but well.
i dont like people to cut my queue.
so i make it a point not to do the same to others.
i take it as a form of basic courtesy.
yes. someone in the queue might just be some stranger that you most probably wont get to meet the next time for your entire life.
but. just as you might most probably be in a rush. someone else too cant afford the time.
dont say. it's just one person butting in. wont really make a lot of difference.
but one bad example set might just allow others to do the same.
i get offended at times when people jump my queue.
although i dont always force my displeasure out.
but there'll be someone who just might.
and i most probably will next time.

not sunny sunday

bleh.
rainy day today.
but well.
that makes the weather cool.

simple day today. dont really have much thoughts to share.
went grandma's house today.
had a great time there.
lovely tong tong was there. so everything was so fun.
how nice la. she actually allowed me to feed her for lunch.
she was ignoring my other cousin la. haha. i won!
lol. what kind of sense of achievement is that.
after that played with her.
then she wanted me to play this ktv vcd for her and she was dancing so happily to the songs.
so cute.
she'll come and hug me as she dances.
my my.
being a child is how fun.
played until i was so tired.
end up falling asleep for dont know how long.
then after that woke up didnt really feel like having dinner although there were a lot of splendid food. so end up having 3 slices of the french loaf. lol.
dumb.

then after that was like finally exposed to gb for so long.
haha. should call it gb wc now.
haha. my cousin was playing with her account then end up asking me to play for her when she heard of my rank.
lol. damn la. so long nvr play. totally like made a fool of myself. haha. then end up.
played 2 games for her.
lost one. the second one hanged.
lol. but still some teammate thought rather well of me. haha. commented that i was quite good.
lol. i believe it was more of luck cos i really dont know what i was doing.
haha.
but well. dont really crave to game that much.
i'm happy with my animes.

back at home now.
feeling slack.
another week of work gonna start.
have to go down school-to-be tmr maybe to settle payment for hostel.
sigh.
another week.
cant wait for school to start.
then i can finally get a more fixed schedule.
working isnt really enjoyable.
sigh.

food for thought.
is it really possible for a guy and a girl to be purely friends?
platonic friendship. the possibility of that.
close friends who are of opposite sex.
i wonder.
maybe i should start counting the probability.
hehe. :)

packed day

today have a rather tight schedule.

morn abt class.
7 sessions already.
5 more to go i think.
but still not getting really really fit.
but i guess i'm improving slowly.
classes will end next month.
hehe. must find some way to continue keeping fit after that already.

after that got back home for tuition.
today 2 tuitions in a row.
supposedly 2 to 4 then 4 to 6.
but one pushed tuition back from 4 to 5.
so end up. i smsed cheryl to tell her that i cant join them for dinner.
ending at 7 then rushing down is too crazy.
sigh. really becoming more and more pang seh.
sigh.
bad habit.
really need to organise my time properly.

then tuition end at 7.
went down to town with sis instead since she had to get sthg.
went popular bookshop to get myself notebooks.
hehe. one for lyrics that i like. one for food that i like.
haha. how lovely.

then had dinner at cineleisure foodcourt with sis.
the hokkien mee is ok only. haha.
sigh. cos i dont like sotong. then i was practically eating only noodles with tao gay.
and the only meat is like 2 prawns.
eh. sad.
after that walked around cineleisure a little.
nothing much to really shop for.

then took neoprint with sis.
how nice.
we took a neoprint on 9th may when since got back.
took one on 9th june when it was my bday.
then today is 9th july. and we took another neoprint.
and i love the pics.

overall. today is a good day.
tmr will be better. i guess.
haha. everyday is supposed to be better than the previous.
supposed to go watch movie with teeseng. but cancelled it.
haha. mutual agreement.
some other time. i'll go find sthg nice to watch. haha.

carefree sunday i guess. it'll be good.

tgif

hehe.
finally end of the week.
worked 4 days this week and today i'm like totally shagged.

today went to ps's place.
went swimming.
but end up didnt swim much laps also.
sigh. so sad. i am how unfit.
bleh.

ps's mum made lunch for us.
how nice.
hehe.
picky me gave her a lot of trouble i guess.
sigh. how useless.

after that got home.
then got ready for work.
today had some food fest promotion.
yet so few people. stupid promotion.

yay. results of hostel is out.
hehe.
i've got my home. my home.
lalala.
where i belong. where i keep my heart and soul. haha.
sounds familiar. that's ndp song a few years back la.
so i've got a place.
but i'll only get the exact room number and all after i've made payment.
sigh. omg.
broke.
eeeeeeeksssssss.
but still. i'm happy.

again. tired but happy zhien.
messed up entry. but. out of here for now.

ahhchooooo

sneeze sneeze.
i've always been glad that i'm a rather healthy child.
really. havent really fallen terribly ill.
i dont have fevers that really make me lethargic.
i of course dont suffer from some terminal disease as yet.
i dont have fainting spells.
except for certain rare occasions.
in fact, yet the one and only thing that bothers me is flu.
damn.
woke up sneezing like crazy.
drinking hot stuff didnt help either.
sigh. the flu bug, my dearest friend, loves coming for a visit once in a while.
and i get irritated when it comes at such an unusual time. how inappropriate.
sneeze sneeze. bleh.
i hate this.
i hate this.
i really really really hate this.

other than that. today was great.
woke up late.
but still sufficient time to slack around before work.
ample time to prepare myself.
then off to work.

during break time at work.
went coffee bean and bought the packet of chocolate powder.
then went back home and made my very own ice blended pure chocolate for the first time.
hehe.
of course success la.
the instructions are given.
hehe.
i so love it.
yay. my first step to cooking right. eh, if that's considered.
shall try my hands on more stuff.

i want to know how to make cream of mushroom.
shall try out with campbell maybe.
then after that get hold of the recipe from my mum.
haha.
i want to know how to cook many nice stuff. hehe.
food is ever so tempting.
how nice if i can eat and eat and not grow fat.
in my dreams maybe.
dream on.
haha.

whatever it is.
today we have a busy and tired yet happy zhien.
:)

madness

walked to ghim moh today in the morn after i woke up.
bought stuff.
sigh. i seem like some crazy ah soh buying things from the provision shop there.
cos each time i go. i go once in a while. and go home with big bags of stuff that i've procrastinated buying.
argh.

after that tuition.
nothing much.
tutored only one student today though.
the other one changed it to saturday. sigh.

after that went for dinner with family, don plus hanfeng and ziting.
how rare.
but yea. to celebrate hanfeng's bday.
end up having a quarrel with ying over a small issue.
and so i didnt bother to eat.
bleh. i'm a mood spoiler.
feel as if the devil in me is slowly savaging the whole of me.
i'm turning evil soon. bleh.
evil zhien. muhahahahaha.

after that got back home then cut the cake.

simple and nice day i guess.
i need to control my temper still.
sigh. getting really snappy very easily.

books galore

woke up relatively early today.

side
haha. sis just blogged about relativity.
i love relativity too. haha. life's a matter of perspective and different perspective results in what we call relativity.
maybe i should start making myself love enstein's theory of relativity although i dont quite get it. haha. as a science student, i should.
coming back

so. today i woke up relatively early.
9 am. haha. i call that relatively early cos i usually have my biological alarm clock set at 12 nn.
lalala. sleepy head zhien.
but ya. got up and went town so damn early.
some of the shops werent even open yet. cos i reached there before 11 am.
woolala. how early for someone like me.
haha.
then got down with mum to dbs and settled tuition fee loan.
finally. phew. a burden down. gosh.

the whole process was kind of quick. so ended up. i had nothing to do even before 12 nn.
walked mum back to her workplace.
then end up i have more than 4 hours to spend before i start work.
- . - "

so. i spent my time walking around takashimaya.
how dumb.
went op. looked at the shorts that i have been eyeing for weeks.
still didnt get it.
good choice that i made today. not to bring that much cash out.
confirmed the price after discount. haha. i was counting on the spot.
i guess i'll get it the next time i go shopping.
then after that that's it for shopping for this month.
sigh. looking at my miserable pay i am sad enough.
gonna have to set aside enough to make plans for hostel.
cos i feel like i have so many things to get so that i wont be living without many things when school starts.
then went around. i think i made so much rounds around the place.
then went to have lunch.

after that went kinokuniya.
saw initial d movie picture book. aw damn.
haha. but so ex. sigh. have to give it up.
then saw another book at i thought would make a perfect gift.
hehe. gonna save up and get it as a present.

after that went to the library.
borrowed books. hehe.
nothing better to do.
walked around the library.
went to chinese section, then to general section, then to the cookery section, then back to the chinese section to look at the cookery books in chinese, then back to the cookery section.
so dumb la. i just wanted time to pass.
end up. now i feel like i want to learn cooking badly.
haha.
i want to be able to cook nice soups
i want to be able to cook nice chinese dishes
i want to be able to make superb pastas.
i want to be able to bake lovely cookies and cakes to satisfy my sweet tooth.
eeee. can i have a teacher at this moment? haha.
so many things i want to speed learn. so that i can cook and wont starve myself.
dreaming dreaming. i want to be as good as a chef.
chef zhien? haha.
sounds scary. no one will dare eat the food maybe?

then went down and end up back in kinokuniya.
lalala. i love books huh?
i only can really spend the most time in the 2 places. compared to so many places that i went around.
then how nicely i ended up in the comics section.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
the japanese manga!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i want i want i want.
i saw the full metal alchemist picture book. 2 version. material version and story version.
if i remembered correctly.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but it's $44.10 per book. omg. i want i want i want.
but it's so ex. sigh. cant possibly go so crazy to spending close to 90 bucks on 2 anime books.
sigh sigh.
then saw so many manga! i want i want. naruto, dn angel, bleach, initial d, full metal alchemist.
all all! greedy anime freak zhien!
hahahaha.
i shall save! this month! save save save! i still want the 2 picture books badly.
contemplating saving up my pay for them. sigh.
edward see how much i sacrifice for you? i am going to spend close to 90 bucks on you!
haha.
hmmm maybe i should try getting my sponsor (ps knows who.)
getting a 10 bucks sponsorship might help a little. haha.

after that finally close to 4. then went to my workplace.
starting to be ok with work.
maybe cos today i saw the things that i want.
working hard for them.

oh. and walked passed this lego store today before i went to the library.
saw this racing car figure made out of lego.
first thing that came into my mind.
they should make that initial d's ae86 into a lego set.
then i will definitely die die buy that.
cos lego is my love and so is that ae86. haha.
good investment maybe? i should ask lego to work on this.

cant wait for payday. which is 25 more days or so to go?
bleh. i have to control my wallet!

drifting

finally managed to catch initial d.
hip hip hurray.
i have been making noise about wanting to catch it.
even before the movie was up.
then i wanted to watch on 24th. but my sis.
then wanted to watch on 1st july. then sis say friday more ex.
monday today then watch. eee.
haha. but finally manage to catch it.
yay. i'm so happy.
jay looks good. really. with his head resting on his right hand while he drives at such a high speed.
his side view. totally suave. and he is damn cute in his reaction towards the female lead.
haha. i had a good laugh in the theatre.
edison is good-looking too. so handsome. got nothing to say.
side view, front view. he's just cute and shuai. haha.
and ya. he's some pro is the show too. the way he smiles. faints.
haha. i sound so desparate.
haha. but indeed the cast. they look so professional.
and i am amazed by the setting.
so i can say i enjoyed myself.
oh. but ya. it was kind of dumb but i was laughing when jay was crying while driving back after he saw the girl with that uncle scene.
it was super off. but i thought the way he cried looked really funny. like some child.
then i was covering my mouth trying not to sound so loud laughing, in case i get whacked by his fans.
haha. but yea. i like the movie. and i seriously think it would be so much more fun if the cinema seats had stimulators. then we'll be like moving the way they move.
haha. but i think. the mess after the movie gonna be a big headache. puking?

unlike ps's experience, i didnt hear people going "huh?" at the end of the movie.
in fact, i'm ok with the ending.
but what i heard was sounds of concerned fans that went "aw...." when jay cried and "aww..." again when the show ended cos they wanted more. haha.

after that worked.

today is independence day!

can i have an AE86? 86. the year of my birth. oh man. i love the year i born in.
i like that name of that car. even though that car has the name of the tofu store on it.
i want a modified AE86 although i cant drive. haha.

minority report

those little things in life.
seems insignificant? think again.
haha. just finished watching minority report on dvd today.
kind of outdated.
but yea. it was a movie i was dying to watch.
a thought provoking movie indeed.
so much so that i feel like watching it again to really understand what goes on.
even so, there's no guarantee that i will.
but yea. it was a really nice show.
precrime. something that seem so fantastic. yet. the loopholes makes things scary.
indeed. the questions raised about the whole system of precrime they adopted.
what will the world change into?
with technology. one thing. unpredictable.
filled with thoughts that i cant really express. but really.
the show. specially crafted in a certain way.
and indeed i enjoy such shows. even though it leaves me confused.
choked with thoughts. i still like the way it makes my mind works.
wonderful.

and indeed. today was a great sunday.
i am beginning to appreciate the time i have i guess.
i am still learning to.
learning to make use of the time to fill up those empty slots.
trying to make sure that i dont really sit down and do nothing each day.
trying to make myself stop whining and for once settle down to get things done.

so today had tuition. i enjoy tutoring.
really. it is a sharing session. really. i share my knowledge with them.
and at the same time. i learn from them.
my students. i like it when they express their thoughts.
i like it when they share their views with me.
i dont intend to change theirs. like the p2 girl i teach.
she's still a child and her thoughts. they remind me that i was once that young and like her, i have a childlike mind then. how nice.

after that went down to bugis with ps.
parco bugis junction having food fest.
it was so crowded.
but yea. we spent money buying food to try.
not really very splendid.
i was hoping for sthg better.
but as mentioned by ying, simply cos it is crowded and the stalls try to serve as many people.
the quality of the food is very much reduced.
and added point from ps. it's really a sad case. cos food fest should be displaying the great taste of those delicacies. yet. simply cos it's food fest. the taste is gone. a waste indeed.

shopped around a little.
but didnt really spent a lot.
food was the bulk of today's expenditure.
haha.
had dinner at pasta mania.
had pizza. but yea. it wasnt that good either.
sigh. i still love creamy chicken pasta.
i should just create some sign that says "i adore pasta"
cos i really do. haha.
so had a really full dinner.

then after that. haha.
time to announce my achievement for the day.
hehehehe. i am so happy. so proud of myself.
this sounds dumb. but yea. i walked home from bugis!
wa haha. some may say. no big deal.
really it's walkable distance to mention.
it's 10 mrt stations away from bugis.
a usual mrt ride would take less than half an hour.
a direct bus ride from there would take around 40 mins the most.
yet. haha. i opted to walk.
110 minutes or so. i took. haha.
just right to watch initial d. the whole duration of the movie.
yea. so i made an around 2 hour long walk.
but then. now my sole hurts. cos i walked in those presentable flats.
i should have brought along my shoe bag and change to something more comfortable before i start my "zhien's july walkathon"
haha. but yea. it was really fun. a really crazy idea.
but i did it.
was reporting to ps the places that i passed by.
i think she's very much amused by my crazy antic. but yea. i am so happy.
but along the way. i bought myself ice lemon tea from macs and soya bean milk from a hawker centre. end up bloated by the time i got home.
haha. but yea. i feel so happy.
now so many places can be within walkable distance in my point of view. haha.

but one thing this walk made me felt.
it's so darn good to have buses, mrts and taxis around.
or else i really cant imagine having to spend hours walking from one place to another every day.
once in a while. a crazy act of mine can seem fresh.
but yea. it's totally insane to do it all the time. haha. i would most probably faint.
well, i am a happy girl.
lalala.

someday i'll come up with sthg else more fun.
hehe.

rewrite

the reason why i wanna spew creaky thoughts out
is because there is no other proof for existence
the future i supposedly got hold of
has a conflict between dignity and freedom

the reason why i wanna wipe crooked afterimages out
is because i see my limitations in them
on the window of excessively self-conscious
there is the last year's calendar with no dates on it

delete and rewrite it
presence great enough to make me forget those ridiculous super-fantasies
rewrite it for a dramatic revival
even a meaningless fancy is a motivation to form you
give me your whole body and soul

after cutting my feelings that grew, i regret
after realizing that after all, i'm just a mediocrity, i cry
a depressed heart
a dirty lie

delete and rewrite it
presence great enough to make me forget those ridiculous super-fantasies
rewrite it for a dramatic revival
even a meaningless fancy is a motivation to form you
give me your whole body and soul
a song titled rewrite. by asian kung-fu generation.
from full metal alchemist. one of those ending songs.
like it.
if only i can rewrite my life story.
rewrite. and make myself non-existent.

differences

somehow, i feel different.
feel different from those people around me.
feel the distance,
feel the gap.
it's disturbing.
it's making me feel awkward,
making me feel out of place.
overly sensitive? i wonder.
where do i belong.
why do i exist in such a social circle when i feel i dont belong, when i feel i am so different.
i dont understand. why my presence. where i stand.
it's purely stupid. really. i feel as if i dont need to be here.
i feel as though i am some extra person created in this world,
then being "unclassified" i am dumped into some social circle.
and i try to master the art of "adapting".
i cant. sadly, i cant. it's horrible.
i wonder if i can really run off. escape.
sry. i am cowardly. i cant face it. so i choose to run.
but then again. where can i run to?
pluto?
ever wonder. what it is like to be alone even when you have people around you?
i feel that way. most of the time.
feel as if my presence. is just not needed. then why allow me to exist?
to bring out the differences and make the people around me shine.
only to make the gap even wider?

unlike sis. i dont think shopping is therapeutic. it makes me feel more horrible.
honestly, i hate this.
i hate to even exist and live in this world.
it's darn tiring.
i dont have the energy. i dont have the strength.
each day. i tell myself "smile, zhien, smile. things will be better when you smile."
i wonder. what's the point? really. it's stupid. purely stupid.
my existence is just some plain stupidity.

stop asking me why i look so sad. cos it's the people around me that really makes me horrible.
i hate everyone. including myself.
if there's some option. i want to die this very minute this very second.
horrible horrible horrible.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn damn damn damn damn.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

someday i'll know.
someday. i'll find out. the answers to so many questions.
someday. i'll realise the true purpose of my existence.
someday. i'll discover that i'm nothing but something waiting to be reduced to ashes.

dont say this is negative. it is.
but it's a fact. we all live to later die.
we live to either be burnt to ashes or decomposed to some dirt.
crap. life is foolish. life is dumb. life is nothing but slow suicide.

no issue over some issue?

ok. time to start talking crap.
those uninterested to read crap. dont read.
close this darn window this very minute.
bleh. get what i mean? i am talking nonsense.

well. i am bored.
so i end up hitting the papers.
erm. i mean reading the papers.
life section of our one and only the straits times.
usual habit of mine. i hit for comics.
but today. since i was so darn bored. i read through some pages of the part of the paper too.

first finding.
some big hooha over men who like to carry their girlfriend's handbag.
sweet or sissy.
bleh. there isnt any issue over this issue.
seriously. like zero issue.
those that said it's sweet. those who said it's sissy.
totally arguing over it depending on circumstances.
erm like doesnt that mean both sides agree that the answer to this should be "it depends"
and that also means. there is no debate on this. isnt it so?
bleh. i may be wrong.
but well. it's total crap.
to be saying yes it's sissy. if.... then think again. if not, it's sweet?
bleh bleh bleh.
there is no issue over this. that's what i think. but.
even then. it shouldnt be sthg just about the guys.
the girls are the ones carrying those handbags in the first place.
so whether or not they should continue to carry it. shouldnt that be a girl's prob?
hmm.
what else can i say? i love my bag. so no one touches my bag?
bleh. crap.

second finding.

in the movie, jay chou perfected the art of "drifting" while driving his dad's car to deliver tofu everyday

saw this translation at the page where they teach people chinese.
honestly, i find this amusing.
no doubt. it tells that jay put in a lot of effort for the movie.
no offence to his fans honestly.
i love his songs and really admire his musical talents.
but. the thing is. tofu.
sry. for some reason it tickles me.
ps was asking me "funny meh?" when i told her about this.
hmmm. sry. for some reason. it touched my funny bone.
haha. jay chou delivering tofu. imagine the sight.
try drifting and not smashing those tofu. indeed he's shen.
but imagine before that when he hasnt perfect the stunt?
the customers still take the smashed tofu? simply cos he's jay chou?
woah. how about i smash the tofu in his face and start collecting the smashed bits.
then i go around telling people that the tofu is delivered by jay and touched jay's face.
hmm. i can sell tofu for millions of dollars then.
sry. talking crap again.
i dont think i'll be able to smash it into his face if he really comes delivering tofu to my doorstep. i'll faint.
haha.

third finding.
singapore food festival. ahhhhhhh.
food food food.
woohoo.
singapore is how lovely. it's a food paradise.
i want to go. i want to go!
today till 3rd july at parco bugis junction.
omg omg omg. food galore.
11 am to 9.30 pm.
any interested people who wants to gorge themselves?
eeee. i feel like munching at goodies although they are highly sinful.
ahhhhhhh.

ok. i beginning to seem like some stupid bimbo.
sry. this is some crap entry.
for those that read.
thanks ah.
and congratulations.
you completely finished tolerating my nonsense.
haha.
ok. i am getting overly excited. too high liao. heh.
need to cool down myself with a shower later soon. bleh.
out of here.

"drifting".
lol.