sigh. japanese. sthg that i have left aside and is now so out-of-touch with. finally today i got down to reading my textbook. only at lesson one. moving very slowly. i realised i forgot so much. sigh. how useless. i need to buck up more. going to refresh my memory on the language. making rather good use of my time now. that's a good sign. life's back to normal i guess. i am moving on each day.
thoughts do come into my mind but i am better at handling things now. straightened out most of my thoughts. i am glad. many things that i am come to realise after a hard fall. learning things in life and slowly moving on. i am clearer of what i want. i am glad.
nothing much for today cos just purely tutoring. boring day but smooth-flowing i must say.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
my tuesday
a well-spent tuesday. i am getting better. picking up really fast. woot. i am a stronger person now i guess. maybe it's just purely mood swings la. i am rather temperamental these days.
i didnt cry today. so that's a good sign. of course there are times when i felt like crying. but i manage to hold back the tears. i am going to be a happier person. that's my resolution.
ya. and so today i enjoyed myself. was out with ps. we went kbox-ing. at cineleisure. wah. our first time going kbox together. we've got lots of chances to sing together anytime last time so kbox wasnt sthg we do together. at first we planned to go catch a movie. but end up we cant find nice ones that appeal to us. so. we went to kbox! sang stefanie sun's songs like crazy and of course we were enjoying ourselves watching jay chou's mtv. of course we sang other songs. bu neng cheng shou de gan dong, yi shi de mei hao... loads of chinese songs. we enjoyed ourselves. at least i did. and i think ps did too. since we both love to sing so much. ya. lunch was a japanese bento. i had thai fish bento. hmm. at least i think it's called that. they had limited choice so i was stuck with that. i didnt even dip the fish into that thai-style sauce cos i'll nvr take spicy stuff. yup. so lunch was good too. we were climbing everywhere. lol. first time i am so crazy in kbox. i usually sit down. today i was like lazing around and sometimes will just stand and lean against the wall. bleh. rubbish la.
after that we went to shop around town. ya. walked around town. saw some denim skirts at this fashion but didnt bother to really try them out. then walked around paragon. wah. damn high class place. and i cant seem to remember who i went paragon with before. i was telling ps that i went in armani exchange before when i came paragon some time before. yet i cant remember who i was with. well. that's not the point. but paragon seems really like some high-class quiet shopping place. no little children running around. haha.
then we even went to mango at taka. ps wanted to find a top that she found nice. end up cant find it. so we went isetan at wistma atria where there's a mango outlet. end up i bought a skirt for 49 bucks. wah. my first time buying mango apparel. ya. and first time i buy a skirt that's short. hmm. at least i find it short. haha. gosh. splurge alert. at first ps cant get an undefected same skirt at the wistma outlet and she looked so sad. after that i bought for myself it. we got the people to check out the one at shaw house. then they say got stock! hurray. ok. then i had to run off for tuition and so ps went alone to shaw house. yeap. end up she got the skirt too! so now we both have an identical denim-looking cotton-made skirt from mango. haha. she definitely looks better than me in it. but well. we liked what we got. so that's good.
after that tutored. came back home and rest a while before jogging. only managed 4.5 rounds and end up having stitch. sigh. only missed last week's jog and my stamina has gone down. need to buck up more for next week.
well that's basically my tuesday. i think it went along great. thanks ps for keeping me company. i hope you enjoyed your offday. thanks a lot for being such a wonderful friend and a great shopping pal!
i didnt cry today. so that's a good sign. of course there are times when i felt like crying. but i manage to hold back the tears. i am going to be a happier person. that's my resolution.
ya. and so today i enjoyed myself. was out with ps. we went kbox-ing. at cineleisure. wah. our first time going kbox together. we've got lots of chances to sing together anytime last time so kbox wasnt sthg we do together. at first we planned to go catch a movie. but end up we cant find nice ones that appeal to us. so. we went to kbox! sang stefanie sun's songs like crazy and of course we were enjoying ourselves watching jay chou's mtv. of course we sang other songs. bu neng cheng shou de gan dong, yi shi de mei hao... loads of chinese songs. we enjoyed ourselves. at least i did. and i think ps did too. since we both love to sing so much. ya. lunch was a japanese bento. i had thai fish bento. hmm. at least i think it's called that. they had limited choice so i was stuck with that. i didnt even dip the fish into that thai-style sauce cos i'll nvr take spicy stuff. yup. so lunch was good too. we were climbing everywhere. lol. first time i am so crazy in kbox. i usually sit down. today i was like lazing around and sometimes will just stand and lean against the wall. bleh. rubbish la.
after that we went to shop around town. ya. walked around town. saw some denim skirts at this fashion but didnt bother to really try them out. then walked around paragon. wah. damn high class place. and i cant seem to remember who i went paragon with before. i was telling ps that i went in armani exchange before when i came paragon some time before. yet i cant remember who i was with. well. that's not the point. but paragon seems really like some high-class quiet shopping place. no little children running around. haha.
then we even went to mango at taka. ps wanted to find a top that she found nice. end up cant find it. so we went isetan at wistma atria where there's a mango outlet. end up i bought a skirt for 49 bucks. wah. my first time buying mango apparel. ya. and first time i buy a skirt that's short. hmm. at least i find it short. haha. gosh. splurge alert. at first ps cant get an undefected same skirt at the wistma outlet and she looked so sad. after that i bought for myself it. we got the people to check out the one at shaw house. then they say got stock! hurray. ok. then i had to run off for tuition and so ps went alone to shaw house. yeap. end up she got the skirt too! so now we both have an identical denim-looking cotton-made skirt from mango. haha. she definitely looks better than me in it. but well. we liked what we got. so that's good.
after that tutored. came back home and rest a while before jogging. only managed 4.5 rounds and end up having stitch. sigh. only missed last week's jog and my stamina has gone down. need to buck up more for next week.
well that's basically my tuesday. i think it went along great. thanks ps for keeping me company. i hope you enjoyed your offday. thanks a lot for being such a wonderful friend and a great shopping pal!
Monday, April 11, 2005
happy birthday my sister
just before today end. i wished you happy birthday in person. i sms-ed you right in front of you to wish you happy birthday. so i should also wish you happy birthday in my blog.
happy birthday my dearest mei! seventeen le wor. must enjoy yourself during this time. hope you really enjoyed yourself today. i still owe you a present. cos you havent made up your mind on what you want. we'll go shop when you have time. you must tell me soon ah. or else i seem to owe everyone present. haha.
so...
a very happy happy happy happy happy birthday to you!
happy birthday my dearest mei! seventeen le wor. must enjoy yourself during this time. hope you really enjoyed yourself today. i still owe you a present. cos you havent made up your mind on what you want. we'll go shop when you have time. you must tell me soon ah. or else i seem to owe everyone present. haha.
so...
a very happy happy happy happy happy birthday to you!
no longer in control
i realised i am no longer in control. no longer in control of my tears. today. somehow, i'll tear. on and off. i cant cry for long. i am not some person that cries out loud for very long. i'll just have tears rolling off my cheeks at times for today. somehow. hard to say the problems that i am facing now cos the thing is i'll start tearing again. i am waiting. for the day i can really share with people this problem without having tears flowing out uncontrolllably. maybe i am too stressed out. maybe.
anyway. being in a bad mood makes me sleep a lot. i slept for very long. 10 hours. ps was saying it's only logical that i sleep a lot. cos i'll be frowning when my mood is down. maybe. i am tired. tired of crying so much. simply cos it's on and off. it's really draining. tired of feeling so sian. tired of being in the mood that i nvr want to do anything. at first i didnt want to sleep. i was awake all the way till 4 am. was with ying as she do her hw and we talked and end up the one that say will stay up went off to sleep. left me alone and so i went to sleep in case my mind wanders off. ya. so i slept.
i dreamt. dreamt of happier things. cos it's really much happier in dreamland. everything seems so wonderful. i didnt want to wake up. cos waking up means i'll cry. cry about the fact that life isnt that happy in reality. cry cos of the problem i have to face now. cry about the fact that my life cant be what i dream to be. cry cos my dream have shattered at the moment i opened my eyes to wake up. ya. i was tearing when i woke again. sigh. i hate this feeling.
i cry on and off and now my eyes hurt. pain. argh. i'll nvr ever want to tear that much anymore. nvr ever. i am bent on getting better. it cant get any worse anyway. so i'll get better. thanks ps for being there. i nvr share with you what i am facing now. but i know you are there and i am so glad you are. having people around that cares is indeed a blessing. i'll count my blessings and i'll dump those troubles aside. even if it takes how much effort to bury things down. i will.
anyway. being in a bad mood makes me sleep a lot. i slept for very long. 10 hours. ps was saying it's only logical that i sleep a lot. cos i'll be frowning when my mood is down. maybe. i am tired. tired of crying so much. simply cos it's on and off. it's really draining. tired of feeling so sian. tired of being in the mood that i nvr want to do anything. at first i didnt want to sleep. i was awake all the way till 4 am. was with ying as she do her hw and we talked and end up the one that say will stay up went off to sleep. left me alone and so i went to sleep in case my mind wanders off. ya. so i slept.
i dreamt. dreamt of happier things. cos it's really much happier in dreamland. everything seems so wonderful. i didnt want to wake up. cos waking up means i'll cry. cry about the fact that life isnt that happy in reality. cry cos of the problem i have to face now. cry about the fact that my life cant be what i dream to be. cry cos my dream have shattered at the moment i opened my eyes to wake up. ya. i was tearing when i woke again. sigh. i hate this feeling.
i cry on and off and now my eyes hurt. pain. argh. i'll nvr ever want to tear that much anymore. nvr ever. i am bent on getting better. it cant get any worse anyway. so i'll get better. thanks ps for being there. i nvr share with you what i am facing now. but i know you are there and i am so glad you are. having people around that cares is indeed a blessing. i'll count my blessings and i'll dump those troubles aside. even if it takes how much effort to bury things down. i will.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
pure stupidity
in life. many people make mistakes. i, of course, am not infallible. i made mistakes so many times. so many times i screw up my life. i messed things up. but one thing i really hate myself for is making the same mistake the second time.
when i was young. i adored watching cartoons. i was so amazed by the fact that superman could fly. and the then silly me was so fascinated that i thought i could possibly be able to fly too. so i climbed up the table in my room and jumped off the table. stretching my hands out front just like superman would pose when he flies. i ended up knocking my head on the metal pole of the triple-decked bed that i shared with my sisters. big bump on the head. i didnt cry. my mum fret over that. rubbed my head. yet. i didnt learn my lesson. when the pain subsided i went to perform the same stunt again. in the end, the same thing happened. i knocked myself again. it was only after that that i gave up. it was then that i faced the fact. the fact that i cannot fly.
this time again. i made another mistake. took a step that ended up the bad way. wasnt what i hoped it would be. whatever it is. i shant go through the details. i am going to hide again. that's the way i settle my life. i hide. way too often. but i get better at it each time. i really think so. whatever it is. i feel sad. i feel like i am being a fool. really. it took me the second time to make such a mistake to realise the fact. the fact that there isnt miracles for me in my life. harsh fact. and i realised that. i always thought miracles might just happen. but it nvr once did for me in my life. now i wouldnt even dare to think that it's possible anymore. i hate to have to face this. i feel like screaming. it's been so long since i last got myself down to some place and scream my hearts out all the pain the problems all these years. i feel like really having a good cry. yet it seems like my tears dry up very fast. i think i already cried enough when dad left. so much that all those tears that are coming out now are so rare. yet. now i really feel like crying.
i feel stupid. once bitten, twice shy. but i usually need to get bitten twice to shy away. to really realise. is it stubborness on my part to always go for the second time still? or is it just pure stupidity on my part?
is there really magic in this world? those childhood fantasies in my life. where have they all gone to? why is it that when i so much want to believe in miracles yet they dont happen? why is it that i always seem to see hope and yet i end up having such a hard fall? why is it so hard to live in this world? why cant i just dream instead of living a nightmare?
when i was young. i adored watching cartoons. i was so amazed by the fact that superman could fly. and the then silly me was so fascinated that i thought i could possibly be able to fly too. so i climbed up the table in my room and jumped off the table. stretching my hands out front just like superman would pose when he flies. i ended up knocking my head on the metal pole of the triple-decked bed that i shared with my sisters. big bump on the head. i didnt cry. my mum fret over that. rubbed my head. yet. i didnt learn my lesson. when the pain subsided i went to perform the same stunt again. in the end, the same thing happened. i knocked myself again. it was only after that that i gave up. it was then that i faced the fact. the fact that i cannot fly.
this time again. i made another mistake. took a step that ended up the bad way. wasnt what i hoped it would be. whatever it is. i shant go through the details. i am going to hide again. that's the way i settle my life. i hide. way too often. but i get better at it each time. i really think so. whatever it is. i feel sad. i feel like i am being a fool. really. it took me the second time to make such a mistake to realise the fact. the fact that there isnt miracles for me in my life. harsh fact. and i realised that. i always thought miracles might just happen. but it nvr once did for me in my life. now i wouldnt even dare to think that it's possible anymore. i hate to have to face this. i feel like screaming. it's been so long since i last got myself down to some place and scream my hearts out all the pain the problems all these years. i feel like really having a good cry. yet it seems like my tears dry up very fast. i think i already cried enough when dad left. so much that all those tears that are coming out now are so rare. yet. now i really feel like crying.
i feel stupid. once bitten, twice shy. but i usually need to get bitten twice to shy away. to really realise. is it stubborness on my part to always go for the second time still? or is it just pure stupidity on my part?
is there really magic in this world? those childhood fantasies in my life. where have they all gone to? why is it that when i so much want to believe in miracles yet they dont happen? why is it that i always seem to see hope and yet i end up having such a hard fall? why is it so hard to live in this world? why cant i just dream instead of living a nightmare?
Saturday, April 09, 2005
tired
another saturday. morning went for guitar prac. this time more people. 7 all in all le. and getting the hang of it. not that rusty le. or either that. i am more used to the songs that we are playing. so whatever it is. i feel that i can play better. although sometimes i think i just go there to make up the number. ya. so at least this time i feel better.
after that went to meet ps at suntec. wah. the bus journey was so long that i coul even doze off holding my guitar on the bus and standing up somemore. sianz. ya. i very tired. was wanting to register for the singing competition. we went to the place. heard some people singing in front of the crowd and then got some camera filming. then i was totally freaked out. then dont know what's going on de. so in the end we walk back to bus-stop. was trying to get bus to orchard. then end up. a little indecisive on our part. we walked back to the registration place. then checked with the information counter if it's a must to sing in front of the crowd. then. say no need. then. me and ps stepped back to discuss a little. then hor. one of those people came over and asked if we are registering. then i was answered. we are still considering. lol. damn. sounds super big shot. goodness. ya. then end up giggling giggling find that thing silly and then just went off. didnt join in the end. lol. stupid. then end up go bus-stop take bus to town. after that wanted to meet yvonne, ps' friend. so we waited while she come and end up having coffee bean. splendid but highly sinful again. took ice blended pure choc. haha. she took the ultimate. after that. her friend came. then decided to have late lunch at nooch. first time there. cant really have much to choose cos supposed to go vegetarian today. so end up. they ate some noodles and i took only some dessert. below are the pics that we took.
ok. after that. we walked. and then i went off. they headed for plaza singapura. i just stopped over at mum's workplace. dumped my guitar there and went looking around a while. met sarah while i was buying things. ya. then we chat a little and went separate ways. one of these days must really visit her at rj and then lunch in school canteen cos it's been so long. then after that came home. was so tired that i dozed off on the bus. almost didnt want to get off the stop. then now online. very bored. i am very tired.
now that i'm alone. sad. life's boring again. really had fun when there's people around me. sigh. i am just a sad person. sis, as you say, rest. i guess i might just need that. rest my mind. thinking too much maybe. i wonder. well, no matter what. life goes on.
after that went to meet ps at suntec. wah. the bus journey was so long that i coul even doze off holding my guitar on the bus and standing up somemore. sianz. ya. i very tired. was wanting to register for the singing competition. we went to the place. heard some people singing in front of the crowd and then got some camera filming. then i was totally freaked out. then dont know what's going on de. so in the end we walk back to bus-stop. was trying to get bus to orchard. then end up. a little indecisive on our part. we walked back to the registration place. then checked with the information counter if it's a must to sing in front of the crowd. then. say no need. then. me and ps stepped back to discuss a little. then hor. one of those people came over and asked if we are registering. then i was answered. we are still considering. lol. damn. sounds super big shot. goodness. ya. then end up giggling giggling find that thing silly and then just went off. didnt join in the end. lol. stupid. then end up go bus-stop take bus to town. after that wanted to meet yvonne, ps' friend. so we waited while she come and end up having coffee bean. splendid but highly sinful again. took ice blended pure choc. haha. she took the ultimate. after that. her friend came. then decided to have late lunch at nooch. first time there. cant really have much to choose cos supposed to go vegetarian today. so end up. they ate some noodles and i took only some dessert. below are the pics that we took.
this is what i had. mango, glutinous rice with coconut milk. woah. highly sinful. eeks.
this is not me. not me. haha. it's ps. with her some tomyam noodles.
this is ps again. with that 'shocked' expression. cos yvonne took her soup to drink. the cameraman, which is me. too slow to capture that moment. ^^
ok. after that. we walked. and then i went off. they headed for plaza singapura. i just stopped over at mum's workplace. dumped my guitar there and went looking around a while. met sarah while i was buying things. ya. then we chat a little and went separate ways. one of these days must really visit her at rj and then lunch in school canteen cos it's been so long. then after that came home. was so tired that i dozed off on the bus. almost didnt want to get off the stop. then now online. very bored. i am very tired.
now that i'm alone. sad. life's boring again. really had fun when there's people around me. sigh. i am just a sad person. sis, as you say, rest. i guess i might just need that. rest my mind. thinking too much maybe. i wonder. well, no matter what. life goes on.
Friday, April 08, 2005
pricked
sigh. first thing that happened to me when i went to work. stupid. not the first time i got pricked by that darn spring thing that has this silly hook. argh. today's one kind of deep. idiotic. goodness. can feel the sting when running water through. and ya. lucky no need do washing today or else i will cry. pain. sigh. tough luck. hurt physically. haha. not big deal though but i just hate that darn machine. i cant wait. for may to end and work to end.
then end up having a cold. was feeling freaking cold at the hands while at work and then my nose was like argh. flu. sian. i almost wanted to give up and tell the person to let me go home. sigh. i feel so unloved. goodness. it's freaking idiotic to feel so so so sick. maybe it's just i dont want to work. or maybe i am really getting slightly better. cos now i feel way better than just now. sigh. sad life.
sigh. i am feeling low low low. is it purely mood swings i wonder. i feel sian to do much. been listening to the songs i downloaded. i practically dled the whole of lin jun jie's new album except for 2 songs. rather nice to listen to them. the tunes are catchy. and he has a nice voice. nothing else really pleases me other than that. there's nothing else i can really feel happy about. i just feel sian. very sian. downright sian. argh. sigh. life's so sickening.
i need some luck. some chance. some hope. some joy. some.... i dont know. i need loads of things i think.
then end up having a cold. was feeling freaking cold at the hands while at work and then my nose was like argh. flu. sian. i almost wanted to give up and tell the person to let me go home. sigh. i feel so unloved. goodness. it's freaking idiotic to feel so so so sick. maybe it's just i dont want to work. or maybe i am really getting slightly better. cos now i feel way better than just now. sigh. sad life.
sigh. i am feeling low low low. is it purely mood swings i wonder. i feel sian to do much. been listening to the songs i downloaded. i practically dled the whole of lin jun jie's new album except for 2 songs. rather nice to listen to them. the tunes are catchy. and he has a nice voice. nothing else really pleases me other than that. there's nothing else i can really feel happy about. i just feel sian. very sian. downright sian. argh. sigh. life's so sickening.
i need some luck. some chance. some hope. some joy. some.... i dont know. i need loads of things i think.
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