gibberish

recently really bad at coming up with a proper title.
messy and boring life is like that huh?
cant really figure out what is the main thing that haps each day that's worth taking up the title space.

anyway. came up with this new blogskin.
did it very simply.
really running out of ideas to do.
just felt like changing.
hmm. people do keep changing anyway.
new blogskin. another new me?
sounds like some snake that keeps shedding its skin.
haha.

last night watched naruto movie version.
one hour plus of naruto.
nice despite the fact that the story plot sounds as if it's way off with princess, actress and ninja coming together.
but still. the main thing that i really like about naruto is the way it shows the idea of not giving up.
as usual, naruto's determination will influence the people around him to not give up on certain things in life.
if only i am such a blessing too. it seems kind of silly to think so much over an anime.
but yea. i feel like i want to have this ability to simply make people feel better even though it might make me look silly.
and yeap. the movie ending song is really nice. home sweet home by yuki.
now listening to it and although it's in japanese, which means the meaning cant really be figured out.
i can always see the movie thing again and look at their translation. :)

just woke up.
so i have effectively just wasted 12 hours of today.
most prob gonna rot the next 12 hours away too.
might go to my grandma's place. but yea. i am one lazy bum.
i might not go still.
argh. sundays are becoming crappy.

where the fun begins

cant really think of a title.
anyhow came up with one la.
sounds like some catchy slogan that some place would use?
haha.

another story of mine.
haha.
saturday.
morn as usual, abt class.
kind of good workout.
hope i am really getting healthier. :)

after that tutored.
then went down to aunt's place.
tong tong is so cute!
and so sad. she now looks so skinny.
cos of the hfm disease. according to my aunt days back tongtong was so ill that she cant really eat.
sigh. poor little thing.
but yea. she's as usual that hyper and cheerful.
really a sweet little girl.
very adorable.
she was whining so much when it's time to take medicine.
so funny. my aunt says she always does that. haha.
but yea. still she's so adorable.
really had fun playing with her.
cos she's like so cute and she's so active.
hope she gets well soon.
and my aunt of cos. she's like so worn out. sigh.
that's one thing about having children isnt it?

finally done with watching all 139 eps of naruto.
haha. now the only thing i can do is to watch other anime.
as i anticipate the new ep that comes out every thurs.

too bad it's friday

bleh. friday. one more week down.
that means. one week closer to school reopen for most people. the last week.
yet. I AM STILL NOT IN SCHOOL.
this is the 3rd time i am seeing ying having school starting, yet.
the same old me is still rotting at home. argh.

anyway.
today.
started off waking up early in the morning.
not really very early.
but earlier than my usual.
so woke up at 9.15 am.
then got ready to go ps's house.
me, sis and ps went swimming.
like finally got the chance to.
15 laps or so. kind of little. but will try to gradually increase.
it was raining halfway while we swam. so end up cant really get tanned.
but yeap. it's good exercise still.

after that got home.
got ready to go down for tuition.
ang mo kio again.
super sian.
but yea. tutored.
kind of dragged on the lesson for more than half an hour la. should charge extra. damn.
haha. cos she do the questions so slowly. eeps.
after that shopped around amk central. bought conditioner for my hair. damn it. waste money again.
but yea. before my hair turns to hay. i better do sthg.

after that got home.
and sadly, my cousin's down with HFM disease. so sad. she's such a cute little thing.
i'm gonna go down tmr to my aunt's place and keep her company.

yeap. friday. nothing much again.
i'm off to watch naruto!
haha. i'm catching up with it so fast. :)

employed

yeap. back to employed status.

about 3 weeks ago left my workplace of 3 plus years.
now i'm back there.
but just at another outlet.
today started work.
cant really stand rotting. so yea. working is good too.
a new place with new things to play with.
so it isnt really that boring afterall.
i guess money is really a huge incentive.
ps came over to say hi at my workplace.
sis came to meet me after work.
was craving for pasta during work and sis was so nice to meet me and have dinner after work.
so had creamy chicken pasta at pastamania!
i'm happy!
after that shopped around a little.
eeks. so many things that i feel like buying but i feel really broke.
sigh.

was supposed to wake up early today to go gym with sis.
but end up. i couldnt wake up on time.
luckily ying's hp rang or else i'll most prob be late for work too.
so end up sis go alone when i went for work.
sigh. i feel so unfit.
one big lazy bum.

took passport size photo at a photo place near my workplace there.
turn out quite sucky.
argh.
my complexion. damn it.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i've got super lots of complaints and yea. i need money.

clothes, facial products, loads of gadgets. i want to buy.
saving up.
arghhhhhh.

can money fall from the sky?
eh. just above my head. benefit me can already. hehe.

loads of thoughts

kind of having quite a few thoughts.
thoughts of my own that just suddenly jumped into my mind.
and of course thoughts that came across when i read blogs.

- taking things for granted -

there are times when we took things for granted.
personally, i am the kind that most probably take a lot a lot of things for granted.
and yet. i hate to be taken granted for.
how contradicting.
i wonder if the same goes for everyone. or at least most people.
indeed. i really wonder.

i get very pissed with my mum at times.
really. i know this doesnt seem right. but. yea. i get freaking pissed.
like today. some forms that have to be submitted.
she had totally no qualms about asking some uncle to drive down to our place to help get it.
and of course. i knew my task was to be at home and pass to the uncle the forms.
end up. the uncle couldnt come down as he was busy.
and my uncle had to come. and 10 minutes before my uncle reached our place.
he called and say that one of us go along with him so that we'll know how to settle them the next time. i was like "what the hell?" i have to go tutor later. so i asked ying if she can go but she has to study for coming test.
argh. damn damn damn. i really hate this. then i called my mum at her workplace.
i totally just screamed into the phone and scolded her.
i was telling her how much shit she has given me over the forms for the past few days.
then i was complaining that uncle wants us to go together and she said "ya. so that you'll know what to do the next time."
indeed true. nothing wrong.
SO THAT NEXT TIME WE DONT HAVE TO TROUBLE OTHERS.
bet those that helped feel irritated too.
i got freaking pissed when she gave that reply. really. i could feel my blood boiling.
i told her to call uncle and settle it herself. both me and ying dont have that kind of shit time to go down.
then i hung up the phone.
i realised. i am very good at hanging up on the phone.
when i am pissed.
i rant a lot. then i give the person no time to talk. then i say i dont want to talk anymore.
then i hang up.
i did that to my sisters and of course my mum. none of my friends have yet to experience that.
haha.
but well. anyway. this whole thing. i felt my mum was wrong.
yes. sounds really stupid. but yes. i dont think i was wrong for ranting so much.
hanging up the phone definitely was rude. but i didnt think i was wrong.
cos i really somehow have this supressed feeling.
feeling that she takes it for granted when we (my sisters and i) stay at home.
it becomes a MUST to help out with the household chores. cos by the time she comes home it'll be late and if she does all she'll be sleeping so little. so she says.
feeling that she takes it for granted when we (my sisters and i) go out and shop.
it becomes a MUST to help her get the things that she needs if we happen to pass by some supermarket or some place.
feeling that she takes it for granted when we (my sisters and i) have a wee bit of time between our plans.
it becomes a MUST to make use of that small break to rush down and get things settled for her.
(well she just told me to get her sthg from the supermarket after i end work tmr. sigh.)
yes. although she doesnt we MUST. but it is implied. cos she'll question when it's undone.
sigh. i hate it when she has no qualms asking for help from others.
yes indeed it's often taught. whenever in doubt, ask.
asking for help? i feel pai seh even if she doesnt. sigh.
i really wonder how to bring the idea across to her. talking doesnt help i guess.
cos i think my ranting on the phone today had ZERO effect.

any advice?

- love and logic -

took this idea off sis's blog.

Love is the only rational act and love always wins.

How true is this.

You either choose love or logic.

If you choose logic, you won't be with someone because you consider all other factors and eventually, you will feel that there is a possibilty for things not to work and so, you won't be with the person.

If you choose love, you will be with the person you feel right with at that moment in time and let things flow and progress.

how unfortunate.
i am someone who is way too logical.
i guess that's why.

i dont have an answer to such things.
but yea. my logic is that no matter how much in love, there's "rational" and not just "passion".
see? i am logical. ok. that's crap.
but well. i guess i am too mechanised.
really. what else can i say? i am a successful product of this whole education system.
moulded into what they call "student".
produced grades that would classify me under "creme de la creme".
inculcated with values they would label as "dignified", "conservative" and of course "traditional".
how smart can this be?
haha. i am too logical for my own good i think.
it's the way i was born to be.
my brain works that way.
the implication?
it's almost impossible for me to love someone so crazily. like the way they potray in drama.
no matter what i do. there's a limit to it.
above that limit. that's it. i cant take it and i wont take it.
and this means. either i'm going to be single for live (which really doesnt matter cos it might just seem to be the same being single or attached for me).
or the other guy out there must match my level of logical thinking. haha. how sad.

but well. the thing is. to me, no doubt i know everyone hopes of a fairytale love story. or even a fairytale life story. the way ying mentioned in her blog.

give me a wand. i'll make myself and my life the way i want them to be.

if there's such a thing. who doesnt want everything that just seems perfectly nice.
but the thing is. i can never shake off that brain of mine. i think. therefore. my logical mind tells me to be in control.
good or bad?
i really wonder.

but well. life's full of contradictions.
love vs logic is one such. there are many others out there.
it's about finding your own solution out of the contradiction that makes life challenging, maybe.
there's no standard answer. but there's definitely an answer. YOUR OWN ANSWER.
well that's my logic.
for me, now. my answer to things is to account for logic. :) at least i know my answer.

- turn back time -

was discussing with ying over song lyrics.

aqua once have a song that i remember in my head for dont know what reason.

If only I could turn back time,

If only I had saved what I still had.

jay chou has one song that's very nice titled 回到过去 (hui dao guo qu).

想回到过去 试著抱你在怀里

羞怯的脸带有一点稚气

想看你的看的世界, 想在你梦的画面

祇要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜

想回到过去 试著让故事继续

至少不再让你离我而去

分散时间的注意 这次会抱得更紧

这样挽留不知还来不来得及

想回到过去

indeed. if only. the "if only". at times, i have hoped to turn back time.
in fact, i wish i have the power to turn back time more than i wish i have the power to forget certain things that i would love to forget.

when i used to watch charmed last time. i wished i was piper. then i can stop time.

freezing time and changing whatever i can.

sometimes i look back and really think. how nice it would have been if i can turn back time.

make a decision that i didnt make.

or correct a wrong decision i have made.

or even change the way things are.

i've dropped that foolish thought. although it does surface whenever it comes to mind again.

i know i dont have such a power. and also. i am learning to believe what i said out of my mouth.

i once told sis. the decision you have made might seem bad, but whatever it is. it might just turn out to be the best out of the choices you have.

i am trying to hold on to that. convincing myself that whatever it is. i tried my best.

in fact, the future lies unknown. tomorrow is a mystery.

i dont believe in having great foresight.

nothing can really be predictable. i believe in taking a step at a time. cautious steps.

gigi leung's new album has a song titled 顺时针 (shun shi zhen). which is what ying and i talked about.

我一个人应该可以 想起爱过之前 原来的自己

或许那样的天真我已经回不去

one more thing that this particular song brought me to think of.

more and more i come to understand that it's impossible to turn back time.

cos as humans, we can look back. think back. look and think of going back.

but even if we can, which we cant, we might not be who we were.

people change.

and i know that the now me is so much more different than the me years back.

well, instead of wishing for the power to turn back time. try wishing for the power to prophecise and see things happen even before they happen?

like one character in naruto, nara shikamaru, with an iq of above 200. predict the moves of his enemies in so many different way.

logically, i should wish for a super high iq then. haha. then i'll be able to list down most of the possible things that happen and many many steps after that point in time. that'll make me jump further isnt it?

ok i am not making much sense anymore.

enough of my thoughts that will only make me even more convinced that i think so much to the extend that i am crazily logical. haha.

out of here. ciao.

today is tuesday

argh. cant think of a title.
but well.
today is tuesday. nothing wrong about it either.

supposed to wake up early to go swimming with sis.
afterwhich we'll head for kbox.

but well. things dont always go as planned.
i was busy dating naruto last night. haha.
watched the anime till around 3.
so end up i couldnt wake up at 7.30.
only woke up at 12 plus.
eeps. horrid pig.
anyway. that blew the k box thing cos it's supposed to be 11 to 2.
and yeap. i slept pass it too.

so end up.
we went ikea to look for ideas on how to change our room.
wardrobe. bed. shopping with sis is forever so fun.
she has loads of idea.
so yea. looking forward to getting the room done before school starts.
wish wish. i want a nice room.
also note down some stuff that i can get for hostel.
but well. that'll come after hostel is settled.
gonna have to read through the student handbook and get things done first.
next 7 days or so gonna be crucial.
have deadlines to meet. and i dont have a particular talent at doing that.
hmmm.

had lunch at the ikea restaurant.
really nice.
had 2 fried chicken wings and fries for lunch.
haha. highly unhealthy but it's really delicious.
thanks to sis's introduction.
after that went to shop around anchorpoint.
got myself a new pair of shoes from the bata there.
yea. gonna buy different coloured shoe laces to make my shoe nice nice too.
bloomington is such a cute shop.
haha. once hostel is confirmed i'll start buying interesting things from there to decor the place.
haha. it's gonna be so so so fun.
saw some badges that have really super hilarious comments.
so it was a really interesting shopping experience too.
after that took bus down to town.

shopped a little at orchard.
at first wanted to buy overalls. argh. but the one i saw. run out of the sizes.
left with size s which is how impossible!
argh. sad.
but well. i might just find sthg nice and simple when i shop next time :)
definitely not going to get that mango one. omg. 90 bucks is totally crazy.
haha.
went to fox, u2, op...
didnt get stuff though.
hmm. but now considering to save up some money to buy shorts from op.
and flip flops.
i need some presentable shorts and flip flops.
sigh. gonna have to really plan my expenditure for this month and make full use of the gss.
after that spent 99 bucks on stuff from clinique.
very crazy.
haha. for the first time in my entire life have i done such things.
hopefully they do wonders. :)

so now kind of broke. looking at my expenditure list.
dont seem to have that much money to spend. but well. getting paid soon from tuition.
i hope i have enough.
*clasp my hand and pray really hard*
going on tight budget now! haha. i've got to get what i want.
so yea. suffer a little on other unnecessary ones.

gonna have to catch up more on naruto already.
haha. will have to spend time finishing up my library books before they are due.
so many to do so little time.
but well. who cares? i'm having as much fun as i can. :D

a new beginning

start of the week.
been out of my house today for kind of a rather long time.
haha.
never really have been that way.
but yea. spent time out today.

was out with ps first.
went to catch movie at cineleisure.
watched mr and mrs smith.
wanted to catch the 11 am show.
end up reaching there near 11 and the queue to get tix was so long.
so end up buy for the next show at 12.
went for lunch at long john's before the show starts.
haha. so we were so full before the show that we didnt get snacks.

the movie. mr and mrs smith.
was ok.
in fact. hmm. at some point in time i was kind of bored.
kept yawning.
maybe cos of the lack of sleep also.
but yea. i didnt quite think very well of it as i did.

after that shopped around at heeren's.
we each got a set of bikini at bods bodynits.
ps bought it for me as a bday gift.
hehe. thanks girl. :)

then walked around.
then bought quite a lot of food.
lol. had shaved ice.
had gummy.
had old chang kee chicken nuggets.
had midnight cookies ice-cream from haagen daaz. flavour of the month special!
so that was quite a far bit.

after that went mc cafe for coffee cos we were so tired of walking.
had cappuccino. ps had long black.
hehe. nice coffee drink.
yay! i love coffee.
after that went off to the bus-stop with ps. wait for her to board the bus for work.
just when she left. laihung called me on the phone.

hehe so dont have to roam around alone. just went to meet them even before the arranged time.
so went walking around with meiyi and laihung.
headed for sakae sushi at heerens but they didnt have a table.
so went to cineleisure and see got nice place.
ended up at cafe cartel. ade came joining us shortly.
we ordered 2 main courses and shared.
still very full although we shared.
and yea. the free flow bread at cafe cartel is actually really delicious wor!
haha. i might just go down to delifrance or careffour or wherever to buy french loaf back home to munch.
haha.
after that we shopped around. saw quite a few pieces of really nice clothes. haha.
but didnt buy la. i was kind of carrying a lot of things le.
cos over at dinner the girls passed me the present that they give me.
a really really special bag. hehe.
gonna be cool. i've got more bags to use!
thanks girls!
then went back on train with them.

now going to catch up more eps of naruto.
haha. i am crazy about it already.

anyway. some pics of today at mc cafe.

mc cafe at shaw.

the view from where we were seated.

me and my cappuccino

ps and her long black