madness

walked to ghim moh today in the morn after i woke up.
bought stuff.
sigh. i seem like some crazy ah soh buying things from the provision shop there.
cos each time i go. i go once in a while. and go home with big bags of stuff that i've procrastinated buying.
argh.

after that tuition.
nothing much.
tutored only one student today though.
the other one changed it to saturday. sigh.

after that went for dinner with family, don plus hanfeng and ziting.
how rare.
but yea. to celebrate hanfeng's bday.
end up having a quarrel with ying over a small issue.
and so i didnt bother to eat.
bleh. i'm a mood spoiler.
feel as if the devil in me is slowly savaging the whole of me.
i'm turning evil soon. bleh.
evil zhien. muhahahahaha.

after that got back home then cut the cake.

simple and nice day i guess.
i need to control my temper still.
sigh. getting really snappy very easily.

books galore

woke up relatively early today.

side
haha. sis just blogged about relativity.
i love relativity too. haha. life's a matter of perspective and different perspective results in what we call relativity.
maybe i should start making myself love enstein's theory of relativity although i dont quite get it. haha. as a science student, i should.
coming back

so. today i woke up relatively early.
9 am. haha. i call that relatively early cos i usually have my biological alarm clock set at 12 nn.
lalala. sleepy head zhien.
but ya. got up and went town so damn early.
some of the shops werent even open yet. cos i reached there before 11 am.
woolala. how early for someone like me.
haha.
then got down with mum to dbs and settled tuition fee loan.
finally. phew. a burden down. gosh.

the whole process was kind of quick. so ended up. i had nothing to do even before 12 nn.
walked mum back to her workplace.
then end up i have more than 4 hours to spend before i start work.
- . - "

so. i spent my time walking around takashimaya.
how dumb.
went op. looked at the shorts that i have been eyeing for weeks.
still didnt get it.
good choice that i made today. not to bring that much cash out.
confirmed the price after discount. haha. i was counting on the spot.
i guess i'll get it the next time i go shopping.
then after that that's it for shopping for this month.
sigh. looking at my miserable pay i am sad enough.
gonna have to set aside enough to make plans for hostel.
cos i feel like i have so many things to get so that i wont be living without many things when school starts.
then went around. i think i made so much rounds around the place.
then went to have lunch.

after that went kinokuniya.
saw initial d movie picture book. aw damn.
haha. but so ex. sigh. have to give it up.
then saw another book at i thought would make a perfect gift.
hehe. gonna save up and get it as a present.

after that went to the library.
borrowed books. hehe.
nothing better to do.
walked around the library.
went to chinese section, then to general section, then to the cookery section, then back to the chinese section to look at the cookery books in chinese, then back to the cookery section.
so dumb la. i just wanted time to pass.
end up. now i feel like i want to learn cooking badly.
haha.
i want to be able to cook nice soups
i want to be able to cook nice chinese dishes
i want to be able to make superb pastas.
i want to be able to bake lovely cookies and cakes to satisfy my sweet tooth.
eeee. can i have a teacher at this moment? haha.
so many things i want to speed learn. so that i can cook and wont starve myself.
dreaming dreaming. i want to be as good as a chef.
chef zhien? haha.
sounds scary. no one will dare eat the food maybe?

then went down and end up back in kinokuniya.
lalala. i love books huh?
i only can really spend the most time in the 2 places. compared to so many places that i went around.
then how nicely i ended up in the comics section.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
the japanese manga!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i want i want i want.
i saw the full metal alchemist picture book. 2 version. material version and story version.
if i remembered correctly.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but it's $44.10 per book. omg. i want i want i want.
but it's so ex. sigh. cant possibly go so crazy to spending close to 90 bucks on 2 anime books.
sigh sigh.
then saw so many manga! i want i want. naruto, dn angel, bleach, initial d, full metal alchemist.
all all! greedy anime freak zhien!
hahahaha.
i shall save! this month! save save save! i still want the 2 picture books badly.
contemplating saving up my pay for them. sigh.
edward see how much i sacrifice for you? i am going to spend close to 90 bucks on you!
haha.
hmmm maybe i should try getting my sponsor (ps knows who.)
getting a 10 bucks sponsorship might help a little. haha.

after that finally close to 4. then went to my workplace.
starting to be ok with work.
maybe cos today i saw the things that i want.
working hard for them.

oh. and walked passed this lego store today before i went to the library.
saw this racing car figure made out of lego.
first thing that came into my mind.
they should make that initial d's ae86 into a lego set.
then i will definitely die die buy that.
cos lego is my love and so is that ae86. haha.
good investment maybe? i should ask lego to work on this.

cant wait for payday. which is 25 more days or so to go?
bleh. i have to control my wallet!

drifting

finally managed to catch initial d.
hip hip hurray.
i have been making noise about wanting to catch it.
even before the movie was up.
then i wanted to watch on 24th. but my sis.
then wanted to watch on 1st july. then sis say friday more ex.
monday today then watch. eee.
haha. but finally manage to catch it.
yay. i'm so happy.
jay looks good. really. with his head resting on his right hand while he drives at such a high speed.
his side view. totally suave. and he is damn cute in his reaction towards the female lead.
haha. i had a good laugh in the theatre.
edison is good-looking too. so handsome. got nothing to say.
side view, front view. he's just cute and shuai. haha.
and ya. he's some pro is the show too. the way he smiles. faints.
haha. i sound so desparate.
haha. but indeed the cast. they look so professional.
and i am amazed by the setting.
so i can say i enjoyed myself.
oh. but ya. it was kind of dumb but i was laughing when jay was crying while driving back after he saw the girl with that uncle scene.
it was super off. but i thought the way he cried looked really funny. like some child.
then i was covering my mouth trying not to sound so loud laughing, in case i get whacked by his fans.
haha. but yea. i like the movie. and i seriously think it would be so much more fun if the cinema seats had stimulators. then we'll be like moving the way they move.
haha. but i think. the mess after the movie gonna be a big headache. puking?

unlike ps's experience, i didnt hear people going "huh?" at the end of the movie.
in fact, i'm ok with the ending.
but what i heard was sounds of concerned fans that went "aw...." when jay cried and "aww..." again when the show ended cos they wanted more. haha.

after that worked.

today is independence day!

can i have an AE86? 86. the year of my birth. oh man. i love the year i born in.
i like that name of that car. even though that car has the name of the tofu store on it.
i want a modified AE86 although i cant drive. haha.

minority report

those little things in life.
seems insignificant? think again.
haha. just finished watching minority report on dvd today.
kind of outdated.
but yea. it was a movie i was dying to watch.
a thought provoking movie indeed.
so much so that i feel like watching it again to really understand what goes on.
even so, there's no guarantee that i will.
but yea. it was a really nice show.
precrime. something that seem so fantastic. yet. the loopholes makes things scary.
indeed. the questions raised about the whole system of precrime they adopted.
what will the world change into?
with technology. one thing. unpredictable.
filled with thoughts that i cant really express. but really.
the show. specially crafted in a certain way.
and indeed i enjoy such shows. even though it leaves me confused.
choked with thoughts. i still like the way it makes my mind works.
wonderful.

and indeed. today was a great sunday.
i am beginning to appreciate the time i have i guess.
i am still learning to.
learning to make use of the time to fill up those empty slots.
trying to make sure that i dont really sit down and do nothing each day.
trying to make myself stop whining and for once settle down to get things done.

so today had tuition. i enjoy tutoring.
really. it is a sharing session. really. i share my knowledge with them.
and at the same time. i learn from them.
my students. i like it when they express their thoughts.
i like it when they share their views with me.
i dont intend to change theirs. like the p2 girl i teach.
she's still a child and her thoughts. they remind me that i was once that young and like her, i have a childlike mind then. how nice.

after that went down to bugis with ps.
parco bugis junction having food fest.
it was so crowded.
but yea. we spent money buying food to try.
not really very splendid.
i was hoping for sthg better.
but as mentioned by ying, simply cos it is crowded and the stalls try to serve as many people.
the quality of the food is very much reduced.
and added point from ps. it's really a sad case. cos food fest should be displaying the great taste of those delicacies. yet. simply cos it's food fest. the taste is gone. a waste indeed.

shopped around a little.
but didnt really spent a lot.
food was the bulk of today's expenditure.
haha.
had dinner at pasta mania.
had pizza. but yea. it wasnt that good either.
sigh. i still love creamy chicken pasta.
i should just create some sign that says "i adore pasta"
cos i really do. haha.
so had a really full dinner.

then after that. haha.
time to announce my achievement for the day.
hehehehe. i am so happy. so proud of myself.
this sounds dumb. but yea. i walked home from bugis!
wa haha. some may say. no big deal.
really it's walkable distance to mention.
it's 10 mrt stations away from bugis.
a usual mrt ride would take less than half an hour.
a direct bus ride from there would take around 40 mins the most.
yet. haha. i opted to walk.
110 minutes or so. i took. haha.
just right to watch initial d. the whole duration of the movie.
yea. so i made an around 2 hour long walk.
but then. now my sole hurts. cos i walked in those presentable flats.
i should have brought along my shoe bag and change to something more comfortable before i start my "zhien's july walkathon"
haha. but yea. it was really fun. a really crazy idea.
but i did it.
was reporting to ps the places that i passed by.
i think she's very much amused by my crazy antic. but yea. i am so happy.
but along the way. i bought myself ice lemon tea from macs and soya bean milk from a hawker centre. end up bloated by the time i got home.
haha. but yea. i feel so happy.
now so many places can be within walkable distance in my point of view. haha.

but one thing this walk made me felt.
it's so darn good to have buses, mrts and taxis around.
or else i really cant imagine having to spend hours walking from one place to another every day.
once in a while. a crazy act of mine can seem fresh.
but yea. it's totally insane to do it all the time. haha. i would most probably faint.
well, i am a happy girl.
lalala.

someday i'll come up with sthg else more fun.
hehe.

rewrite

the reason why i wanna spew creaky thoughts out
is because there is no other proof for existence
the future i supposedly got hold of
has a conflict between dignity and freedom

the reason why i wanna wipe crooked afterimages out
is because i see my limitations in them
on the window of excessively self-conscious
there is the last year's calendar with no dates on it

delete and rewrite it
presence great enough to make me forget those ridiculous super-fantasies
rewrite it for a dramatic revival
even a meaningless fancy is a motivation to form you
give me your whole body and soul

after cutting my feelings that grew, i regret
after realizing that after all, i'm just a mediocrity, i cry
a depressed heart
a dirty lie

delete and rewrite it
presence great enough to make me forget those ridiculous super-fantasies
rewrite it for a dramatic revival
even a meaningless fancy is a motivation to form you
give me your whole body and soul
a song titled rewrite. by asian kung-fu generation.
from full metal alchemist. one of those ending songs.
like it.
if only i can rewrite my life story.
rewrite. and make myself non-existent.

differences

somehow, i feel different.
feel different from those people around me.
feel the distance,
feel the gap.
it's disturbing.
it's making me feel awkward,
making me feel out of place.
overly sensitive? i wonder.
where do i belong.
why do i exist in such a social circle when i feel i dont belong, when i feel i am so different.
i dont understand. why my presence. where i stand.
it's purely stupid. really. i feel as if i dont need to be here.
i feel as though i am some extra person created in this world,
then being "unclassified" i am dumped into some social circle.
and i try to master the art of "adapting".
i cant. sadly, i cant. it's horrible.
i wonder if i can really run off. escape.
sry. i am cowardly. i cant face it. so i choose to run.
but then again. where can i run to?
pluto?
ever wonder. what it is like to be alone even when you have people around you?
i feel that way. most of the time.
feel as if my presence. is just not needed. then why allow me to exist?
to bring out the differences and make the people around me shine.
only to make the gap even wider?

unlike sis. i dont think shopping is therapeutic. it makes me feel more horrible.
honestly, i hate this.
i hate to even exist and live in this world.
it's darn tiring.
i dont have the energy. i dont have the strength.
each day. i tell myself "smile, zhien, smile. things will be better when you smile."
i wonder. what's the point? really. it's stupid. purely stupid.
my existence is just some plain stupidity.

stop asking me why i look so sad. cos it's the people around me that really makes me horrible.
i hate everyone. including myself.
if there's some option. i want to die this very minute this very second.
horrible horrible horrible.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn damn damn damn damn.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

someday i'll know.
someday. i'll find out. the answers to so many questions.
someday. i'll realise the true purpose of my existence.
someday. i'll discover that i'm nothing but something waiting to be reduced to ashes.

dont say this is negative. it is.
but it's a fact. we all live to later die.
we live to either be burnt to ashes or decomposed to some dirt.
crap. life is foolish. life is dumb. life is nothing but slow suicide.

no issue over some issue?

ok. time to start talking crap.
those uninterested to read crap. dont read.
close this darn window this very minute.
bleh. get what i mean? i am talking nonsense.

well. i am bored.
so i end up hitting the papers.
erm. i mean reading the papers.
life section of our one and only the straits times.
usual habit of mine. i hit for comics.
but today. since i was so darn bored. i read through some pages of the part of the paper too.

first finding.
some big hooha over men who like to carry their girlfriend's handbag.
sweet or sissy.
bleh. there isnt any issue over this issue.
seriously. like zero issue.
those that said it's sweet. those who said it's sissy.
totally arguing over it depending on circumstances.
erm like doesnt that mean both sides agree that the answer to this should be "it depends"
and that also means. there is no debate on this. isnt it so?
bleh. i may be wrong.
but well. it's total crap.
to be saying yes it's sissy. if.... then think again. if not, it's sweet?
bleh bleh bleh.
there is no issue over this. that's what i think. but.
even then. it shouldnt be sthg just about the guys.
the girls are the ones carrying those handbags in the first place.
so whether or not they should continue to carry it. shouldnt that be a girl's prob?
hmm.
what else can i say? i love my bag. so no one touches my bag?
bleh. crap.

second finding.

in the movie, jay chou perfected the art of "drifting" while driving his dad's car to deliver tofu everyday

saw this translation at the page where they teach people chinese.
honestly, i find this amusing.
no doubt. it tells that jay put in a lot of effort for the movie.
no offence to his fans honestly.
i love his songs and really admire his musical talents.
but. the thing is. tofu.
sry. for some reason it tickles me.
ps was asking me "funny meh?" when i told her about this.
hmmm. sry. for some reason. it touched my funny bone.
haha. jay chou delivering tofu. imagine the sight.
try drifting and not smashing those tofu. indeed he's shen.
but imagine before that when he hasnt perfect the stunt?
the customers still take the smashed tofu? simply cos he's jay chou?
woah. how about i smash the tofu in his face and start collecting the smashed bits.
then i go around telling people that the tofu is delivered by jay and touched jay's face.
hmm. i can sell tofu for millions of dollars then.
sry. talking crap again.
i dont think i'll be able to smash it into his face if he really comes delivering tofu to my doorstep. i'll faint.
haha.

third finding.
singapore food festival. ahhhhhhh.
food food food.
woohoo.
singapore is how lovely. it's a food paradise.
i want to go. i want to go!
today till 3rd july at parco bugis junction.
omg omg omg. food galore.
11 am to 9.30 pm.
any interested people who wants to gorge themselves?
eeee. i feel like munching at goodies although they are highly sinful.
ahhhhhhh.

ok. i beginning to seem like some stupid bimbo.
sry. this is some crap entry.
for those that read.
thanks ah.
and congratulations.
you completely finished tolerating my nonsense.
haha.
ok. i am getting overly excited. too high liao. heh.
need to cool down myself with a shower later soon. bleh.
out of here.

"drifting".
lol.