last day of march. another month pass. slowly counting. halfway through my long long break. still another half to go.
another simple day. or rather too simple.
didnt really get a good sleep. somehow, couldnt get to fall asleep the night before. took me so long to get to sleep. was lying on the bed for more than one hour and yet i cant sleep. finished listening to the whole of cd2 from jay chou's concert live cd and still couldnt sleep. so ya. i ended falling asleep only until very late. 4 plus.
woke up. ran errands for my mum. then came back. well. life's now so simple for me. it's either face the wall or face the ceiling. no one else is at home except for me most of the time of the day. so ya. i listen to the jay chou's cd again. cd1 then cd2. indulge in very very relaxing stuff. read a little. after that tutor. got home. slack again. listen to songs again. weird right? i just bought the cd yesterday and i have already listened to it so many times. even as i am typing here. i am playing the 2 discs on the player. addiction or indulgence or simply pure boredom. beats me.
went to macs and ate dinner alone. very sad life. sigh. even dinner also face the wall at macs and eat alone. goodness. very full. next time cannot order evm. too much already. now back at home again. going to be a simple night and time will pass. soon it will. and another simple day repeats itself.
good news is nus received my documents already. bad news is i dont know what's happening over ntu's side.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
probability
ok. prev entry mentioned sthg about my trip to singpost today. so now i have to play on my luck. yet it seems like i am kind of down on my luck today.
well. on my way back from the post office, was walking when suddenly i turned to my right and the next thing was i saw this leaf dropping down. and i tried to move and still it end up whacking me right on the face. goodness. the probability of that happening is like 1/1000000 la. yet. i am that unlucky one. grrrh. was a little discouraging. cos the person at the post office told me. 98% chance that the mail that i send out as back-up will reach by the next day. means. probability of getting it unsent out on time is like 2/100 and guess what the probability is lots of time greater than that of the leaf hitting on me. argh. i sound mathematical and yes it is. i am going mad lor. this is so damn dampening.
after that rested and then got ready for tuition. reached amk earlier so i went to popular to buy things. unlucky sia. the person serving so slow. end up i have like just enough time to walk to my tuition place and reach on time. then. when i got out of popular. the place was raining. gosh. i didnt wear those sports sandals la. was wearing those feminine kind and then it was super slippery. and end up i was dragging my shoe as i walk. looked so damn silly. and then i walked and walked. look at the time. gosh. getting late. so tried to walk faster. and just simply along one straight path, my right leg slipped out of the shoe and was like behind me la. then have to hop back wear that darn shoe then hurry walk and walk. pissing off leh. super unlucky.
after that suddenly flu bug decides to play some trick on me and i started to have runny nose. sian. i hate it lor. last week during tuition already like that. today also. very sadded leh. then for dinner bought mos burger. i went up to popular cos i remembered that i forgot to get things. and then again. i cant remember what that was. ok. so i ended going to the next tuition a bit later. i usually go between 5.30 and 6. today reach at 6 on the dot. meaning i will end late.
that only comfort for today. i bought jay chou's concert cd after whining to long for it. i decided that i have enough pay to get sthg to pamper myself. enjoying it very much. he's indeed a talented singer. of course got some encouragement from a friend to join the singing competition. most prob i will go. ya. so i felt much better after that. easily satisfied maybe and maybe cos i trying hard to not stress myself. after all i can only leave things into fate's hands about my university stuff. i tried to do what i can. i can only comfort myself with that. well. life still goes on. april's coming. time passes really fast. slowly picking myself up nicely.
well. on my way back from the post office, was walking when suddenly i turned to my right and the next thing was i saw this leaf dropping down. and i tried to move and still it end up whacking me right on the face. goodness. the probability of that happening is like 1/1000000 la. yet. i am that unlucky one. grrrh. was a little discouraging. cos the person at the post office told me. 98% chance that the mail that i send out as back-up will reach by the next day. means. probability of getting it unsent out on time is like 2/100 and guess what the probability is lots of time greater than that of the leaf hitting on me. argh. i sound mathematical and yes it is. i am going mad lor. this is so damn dampening.
after that rested and then got ready for tuition. reached amk earlier so i went to popular to buy things. unlucky sia. the person serving so slow. end up i have like just enough time to walk to my tuition place and reach on time. then. when i got out of popular. the place was raining. gosh. i didnt wear those sports sandals la. was wearing those feminine kind and then it was super slippery. and end up i was dragging my shoe as i walk. looked so damn silly. and then i walked and walked. look at the time. gosh. getting late. so tried to walk faster. and just simply along one straight path, my right leg slipped out of the shoe and was like behind me la. then have to hop back wear that darn shoe then hurry walk and walk. pissing off leh. super unlucky.
after that suddenly flu bug decides to play some trick on me and i started to have runny nose. sian. i hate it lor. last week during tuition already like that. today also. very sadded leh. then for dinner bought mos burger. i went up to popular cos i remembered that i forgot to get things. and then again. i cant remember what that was. ok. so i ended going to the next tuition a bit later. i usually go between 5.30 and 6. today reach at 6 on the dot. meaning i will end late.
that only comfort for today. i bought jay chou's concert cd after whining to long for it. i decided that i have enough pay to get sthg to pamper myself. enjoying it very much. he's indeed a talented singer. of course got some encouragement from a friend to join the singing competition. most prob i will go. ya. so i felt much better after that. easily satisfied maybe and maybe cos i trying hard to not stress myself. after all i can only leave things into fate's hands about my university stuff. i tried to do what i can. i can only comfort myself with that. well. life still goes on. april's coming. time passes really fast. slowly picking myself up nicely.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
hikaru no go
that's the title of the anime that i am using as a blog template for my blog at the time being. this is one of my creation. a little bleh. not that fantastically nice one. the mickey one is nicer i think. will put that back once my anime ends. this is like commerating it's last ep that's coming up in 10 days maybe? so this will be up for around 10 days and i'll use back my mickey one. ya. this is one nice anime. although erm the way i created this blog template doesnt make it look extremely appealing. it's now showing on scv. and i am hooked on it. so ya. one way to express my craze for it.
anyway. some updates. yes i am feeling stressed. see my prev entry. argh. ya. so i went to the post office today. they told me that chances are the mail will be sent if they dont really check specifically. sigh. only can play on my luck for now. up to fate to decide for me what's going to happen for my life in uni. sigh. i hate to place a gamble on this. but looks like i dont have a choice but to gamble with my luck and place my bets on sthg that i am not entirely confident of. so i will be super stressed out this period of time. argh. ya. so that's about it. nothing else i can say. nothing else i can do.
later going for tuition. i am feeling really really no mood for anything now. can only hope today goes on fine. that's all. cant think. dont want to think.
anyway. some updates. yes i am feeling stressed. see my prev entry. argh. ya. so i went to the post office today. they told me that chances are the mail will be sent if they dont really check specifically. sigh. only can play on my luck for now. up to fate to decide for me what's going to happen for my life in uni. sigh. i hate to place a gamble on this. but looks like i dont have a choice but to gamble with my luck and place my bets on sthg that i am not entirely confident of. so i will be super stressed out this period of time. argh. ya. so that's about it. nothing else i can say. nothing else i can do.
later going for tuition. i am feeling really really no mood for anything now. can only hope today goes on fine. that's all. cant think. dont want to think.
major screw up
me me me. argh. sudden surge of stress. why am i so blur? why must i be forever so careless.
now i realised. cos of the envelope size that i used. the postage that i put for my mails are so damn screwed now. they arent enough! omg. to think i gave my teachers those envelopes with insufficient postage. omg. i wonder what's going to happen to those teacher's appraisals. argh. i am so darn useless. yes. i am stressed out. right in the middle of the night. tmr morn will have to go down singpost to try and check if that's going to be a problem. if it does i'll most prob faint right in front of that person. argh. how how how? need some magical divine powers. argh. goodness. what have i done?
sigh. this is so dampening. tmr will try to do what i can to salvage the situation. the deadline is coming friday. i dont think i have anymore time to settle the teachers' appraisal. looks like that's a stagnant situation that i cant do anything about anymore. sob sob. sigh. i am stressed. i am worried. i am so angry with myself. how can i be like this? it's simply so dumb. i cant even mail properly. imagine how those people will laugh when they see my application done in a mess. got to resend supporting documents if that postage wont pass through. argh. that's the only thing i can save now. and hope that the mail reaches by 1st april. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i hate myself. goodness. how can i be so stupid. so silly. so blur. of all things to mess up. i mess this up. is fate just playing a fool of me? just when i think i am done settling everything. it just comes to tell me that i've done it all wrong? how early is this april's fool joke?!?!
now i realised. cos of the envelope size that i used. the postage that i put for my mails are so damn screwed now. they arent enough! omg. to think i gave my teachers those envelopes with insufficient postage. omg. i wonder what's going to happen to those teacher's appraisals. argh. i am so darn useless. yes. i am stressed out. right in the middle of the night. tmr morn will have to go down singpost to try and check if that's going to be a problem. if it does i'll most prob faint right in front of that person. argh. how how how? need some magical divine powers. argh. goodness. what have i done?
sigh. this is so dampening. tmr will try to do what i can to salvage the situation. the deadline is coming friday. i dont think i have anymore time to settle the teachers' appraisal. looks like that's a stagnant situation that i cant do anything about anymore. sob sob. sigh. i am stressed. i am worried. i am so angry with myself. how can i be like this? it's simply so dumb. i cant even mail properly. imagine how those people will laugh when they see my application done in a mess. got to resend supporting documents if that postage wont pass through. argh. that's the only thing i can save now. and hope that the mail reaches by 1st april. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i hate myself. goodness. how can i be so stupid. so silly. so blur. of all things to mess up. i mess this up. is fate just playing a fool of me? just when i think i am done settling everything. it just comes to tell me that i've done it all wrong? how early is this april's fool joke?!?!
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
thankful
learning to be thankful this time. i am learning. beginning to feel that it's good that everything is still normal. still the same. indeed, it seems most peaceful that nothing is changing as yet. life's the same for me. everyday passes. i tutor, i slack, i blog, i work, i sleep, i eat. all the same each week.
so today of course passed very normally. nothing bad happened and nothing extremely good happened. today woke up and slacked a little. online. printed scores for practice for guitar alumni prac coming up on sat. listened to music. really relaxing day. waiting for time to pass until it's time to tutor. tutored zc today. seems like he's slacking a little. maybe cos of the fact that i completed his this year's syllabus already. kind of worried about that. cos i feel as if i am being negligent on my part. i want him to do enough work too. dont want to appear just as slack as he is. but tutoring needs both the teacher and student to move at the same pace. sigh. i need to be more strict with him.
went jogging after that in the evening. managed to do 2.4 km despite my determination weavering after 5 rounds. then after that was walking for 2 rounds for cooling down. looked up into the sky and saw quite a handful of stars. that was such a pleasant sight. maybe cos it rained in the day and all the clouds have dispersed such that the stars were visible. how nice. really wonderful. should say i am feeling light at heart. nothing really burdening me at the moment.
only thing that i'm pondering is about the chinese singing competition. dont really know if i should join. cos that means an additional commitment. i dont know if i can easily give up things for an opportunity like that. deadline for application is coming friday. thinking about it properly cos i dont want myself to regret too. any words of advice? feel free to throw me some ideas to help me make up my mind. :)
so today of course passed very normally. nothing bad happened and nothing extremely good happened. today woke up and slacked a little. online. printed scores for practice for guitar alumni prac coming up on sat. listened to music. really relaxing day. waiting for time to pass until it's time to tutor. tutored zc today. seems like he's slacking a little. maybe cos of the fact that i completed his this year's syllabus already. kind of worried about that. cos i feel as if i am being negligent on my part. i want him to do enough work too. dont want to appear just as slack as he is. but tutoring needs both the teacher and student to move at the same pace. sigh. i need to be more strict with him.
went jogging after that in the evening. managed to do 2.4 km despite my determination weavering after 5 rounds. then after that was walking for 2 rounds for cooling down. looked up into the sky and saw quite a handful of stars. that was such a pleasant sight. maybe cos it rained in the day and all the clouds have dispersed such that the stars were visible. how nice. really wonderful. should say i am feeling light at heart. nothing really burdening me at the moment.
only thing that i'm pondering is about the chinese singing competition. dont really know if i should join. cos that means an additional commitment. i dont know if i can easily give up things for an opportunity like that. deadline for application is coming friday. thinking about it properly cos i dont want myself to regret too. any words of advice? feel free to throw me some ideas to help me make up my mind. :)
chew on it
the following is taken from the bible (new international version). 1 corinthians chapter 13. the love chapter. just thought it would be interesting to share. if interested, just read and think of the words. :)
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there is tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and prophecy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there is tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and prophecy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Monday, March 28, 2005
robotic
yay. finally. movie. haha. some time since i went for movies. maybe for 2 to 3 weeks i guess. cant really remember exactly. around there i suppose. so i went with ps to ps to watch robots today. we were late so kind of missed the starting bit a little. but well. we still manage to catch most of the show. went in the theatre around 20 minutes after the stated show time. thank goodness gv has this habit of showing commercials for around 15 minutes or longer.
robots. a roller coaster ride. robotic. fun. britney. britney yes. haha. wonder how that comes in? watch it yourself. haha. really really fun. i enjoyed myself. seems kiddy to watch it but i loved it. really. full of fun. it's just like sitting there enjoying it. and finding it silly at times but still you smile at the fun and adventure. totally cool. the theatre was really empty when we were watching that time. in the noon time maybe. so it was really cold. haha. too bad i didnt bring my jacket. i simply was freezing cold after the show. haha. but that didnt change the fact that i enjoyed myself. ya. and ps's hair got played with by some little child that was sitting behind us. haha. i didnt realise that until she told me later. haha. lucky we werent watching some horror shows. haha. cos i think the whole theatre can shake when both of us scream. haha. ^.^
ya. so i enjoyed myself today. and i am so happy that i did. after the movie. ps treated me to pasta mania for lunch. so nice of her. and cos of that. i gonna treat her to fondeau the next time. haha. jio me out to get your treat girl. haha. that sounds like some threat. treat or threat? ya. so instead of the usual creamy chicken pasta, i tried al fungi as suggested by ps. nice. and i was telling her nydc sells really nice mushroom pasta. haha. so we'll find a chance to have nydc too. :) we are enjoying ourselves. why not?
after that her friend, yvonne came over. we watch as she had lunch at the food court. chit chat and then after that walked around a bit. went carrefour. seems like the past 2 times i went to ps recently, i will go to carrefour. no exception this time. weird affinity. haha. but well. the last 2 times i went to get mineral water. today i treated myself to chocolate cheesecake. goodness. was so so so so full after that. not going to have dinner already. i am still feeling full. the wonders of having pasta as main course and cheesecake as dessert. so that's my one and only meal for the day. haha. very full one. made my day.
thanks girl. you made my day. at your own territory. haha. but it just occurred to me that we didnt go shop at that nike apparel place that's having sale just before we entered ps while we were rushing to catch the movie. haha. we totally forgot about that after we went pass it.
got home to tutor after that. went to take bus alone back cos ps went with her friend to their workplace. ya. tuition, as usual. but well. today i got my satisfaction. haha. my mcq killed him after all. not really killed la. but he didnt get full marks. haha. so i am happy. and he said those questions gave him a headache. haha. so i am so proud of myself now. haha.
today is a happy day. i am so glad everything turned out nicely. although a little funny rush to get to the cinema. but the movie was good. lunch was good. walking around was good. tutoring was good. ya. so many good things. that deserve some cheerful feelings from me. haha.
robots. a roller coaster ride. robotic. fun. britney. britney yes. haha. wonder how that comes in? watch it yourself. haha. really really fun. i enjoyed myself. seems kiddy to watch it but i loved it. really. full of fun. it's just like sitting there enjoying it. and finding it silly at times but still you smile at the fun and adventure. totally cool. the theatre was really empty when we were watching that time. in the noon time maybe. so it was really cold. haha. too bad i didnt bring my jacket. i simply was freezing cold after the show. haha. but that didnt change the fact that i enjoyed myself. ya. and ps's hair got played with by some little child that was sitting behind us. haha. i didnt realise that until she told me later. haha. lucky we werent watching some horror shows. haha. cos i think the whole theatre can shake when both of us scream. haha. ^.^
ya. so i enjoyed myself today. and i am so happy that i did. after the movie. ps treated me to pasta mania for lunch. so nice of her. and cos of that. i gonna treat her to fondeau the next time. haha. jio me out to get your treat girl. haha. that sounds like some threat. treat or threat? ya. so instead of the usual creamy chicken pasta, i tried al fungi as suggested by ps. nice. and i was telling her nydc sells really nice mushroom pasta. haha. so we'll find a chance to have nydc too. :) we are enjoying ourselves. why not?
after that her friend, yvonne came over. we watch as she had lunch at the food court. chit chat and then after that walked around a bit. went carrefour. seems like the past 2 times i went to ps recently, i will go to carrefour. no exception this time. weird affinity. haha. but well. the last 2 times i went to get mineral water. today i treated myself to chocolate cheesecake. goodness. was so so so so full after that. not going to have dinner already. i am still feeling full. the wonders of having pasta as main course and cheesecake as dessert. so that's my one and only meal for the day. haha. very full one. made my day.
thanks girl. you made my day. at your own territory. haha. but it just occurred to me that we didnt go shop at that nike apparel place that's having sale just before we entered ps while we were rushing to catch the movie. haha. we totally forgot about that after we went pass it.
got home to tutor after that. went to take bus alone back cos ps went with her friend to their workplace. ya. tuition, as usual. but well. today i got my satisfaction. haha. my mcq killed him after all. not really killed la. but he didnt get full marks. haha. so i am happy. and he said those questions gave him a headache. haha. so i am so proud of myself now. haha.
today is a happy day. i am so glad everything turned out nicely. although a little funny rush to get to the cinema. but the movie was good. lunch was good. walking around was good. tutoring was good. ya. so many good things. that deserve some cheerful feelings from me. haha.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
easter day
yap. happy easter. i am posting this kind of late. just got back from work and ya. another typical day. stood for around 9 hours while working except for the breaks that i get. haha. tiring. but well. another weekend passed and i survived it again. hurray. erm. nothing really exciting about that. i passed years of weekends this way. so well. ya. new week coming.
tmr going to watch movie with ps. at ps. hm. haha. cool. cant wait. cos i am so deprived of entertainment. and partially the companion is good. so what else but enjoy?
nothing else to say cos i cant be bothered to think for now. except i feel fat. haha. seeing ying in fbt shorts then i realised i will nvr dare to show myself in that. haha. well. need to slim down more. work out. work work work. work out.
tmr going to watch movie with ps. at ps. hm. haha. cool. cant wait. cos i am so deprived of entertainment. and partially the companion is good. so what else but enjoy?
nothing else to say cos i cant be bothered to think for now. except i feel fat. haha. seeing ying in fbt shorts then i realised i will nvr dare to show myself in that. haha. well. need to slim down more. work out. work work work. work out.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
anticipation
today is just another day. first week. ya. first week of saturday that i am going to work. going to have to do that until the third one comes along. after that, i'll be having time to myself instead. i guess that's something worth anticipating for.
finished reading a chinese book at i borrowed from the library this morning. titled. glinting wish. mai tian shang de zhi xing xing. i enjoy reading chinese books i realised. cos i started reading yesterday on my way to guitar prac on mrt. and after that i read it in the night before i sleep again instead of gaming online. and then the first thing i did in the morn. finished it off fast. haha. hmm. might go down to the library and borrow more chinese books. it's a rather sad story. plot is typical la. revolves about love. kind of silly that i am reading it. but chinese books. simply has very nice quotes. and ya. unexpected ending. but a rather nice story cos i simply wanted to continue reading it yesterday night. if not for the time. i would have stayed up the night to read it. next step is to move on and read my other books. argh. haha. havent really touched them since i borrowed them weeks ago.
anyway, something anticipated. sis's back from her trip to mexico. now back in atlanta with connection and everything. so contacting her is easier. and also. time is passing. so she's gonna be back from atlanta soon. i am counting down. cos that means i end work and be left with tutoring only when she's back. may. i am waiting.
trying to make myself feel more cheerful these days. i am trying very hard to really be happy. cos that's something i really want to be. on the way to searching for a better happier me. i am making an effort that i think i'll be so proud of when i really succeed in doing that. ya. trying to shed weight so that i'll be happier with a skinner me too. maybe that will make me shine with some confidence. the confidence that i once had but lost.
and well. nothing much already. in my life nothing much is happening. just that i succeed to let time pass more. one month. looking forward to may. and looking forward to the me that i am trying to become.
finished reading a chinese book at i borrowed from the library this morning. titled. glinting wish. mai tian shang de zhi xing xing. i enjoy reading chinese books i realised. cos i started reading yesterday on my way to guitar prac on mrt. and after that i read it in the night before i sleep again instead of gaming online. and then the first thing i did in the morn. finished it off fast. haha. hmm. might go down to the library and borrow more chinese books. it's a rather sad story. plot is typical la. revolves about love. kind of silly that i am reading it. but chinese books. simply has very nice quotes. and ya. unexpected ending. but a rather nice story cos i simply wanted to continue reading it yesterday night. if not for the time. i would have stayed up the night to read it. next step is to move on and read my other books. argh. haha. havent really touched them since i borrowed them weeks ago.
anyway, something anticipated. sis's back from her trip to mexico. now back in atlanta with connection and everything. so contacting her is easier. and also. time is passing. so she's gonna be back from atlanta soon. i am counting down. cos that means i end work and be left with tutoring only when she's back. may. i am waiting.
trying to make myself feel more cheerful these days. i am trying very hard to really be happy. cos that's something i really want to be. on the way to searching for a better happier me. i am making an effort that i think i'll be so proud of when i really succeed in doing that. ya. trying to shed weight so that i'll be happier with a skinner me too. maybe that will make me shine with some confidence. the confidence that i once had but lost.
and well. nothing much already. in my life nothing much is happening. just that i succeed to let time pass more. one month. looking forward to may. and looking forward to the me that i am trying to become.
Friday, March 25, 2005
.s.p.l.i.t.
gosh. somehow finding myself in this really bad time. feel as if my mind is splitting into 2. my heart splitting into 2 too. the way i think the way i feel seem to begin to run in opposite directions. i am debating with no one else but myself. argh. somehow, i am like in situations where i feel like going either ways or choosing either way is still going to tear me apart. i hate this kind of feeling. i feel like i am being tortured.
then i dawned upon me that. the most upsetting thing might just be finding yourself being unable to say if you are happy or unhappy. it's just the moods that are in between. the gray areas. it would be way better if things are clearer. happy is happy. laugh it out. sad is sad. cry it out. i am in the situation where i cant laugh from deep within my heart cos my heart isnt feeling exactly happy and i can cry much tears to the extent that things will be better after crying. ya. horrible life. maybe. i am just leading one.
deadlines are coming. first april. gosh. should be able to meet them just nicely. no matter what. things will be done. feeling really sick of work but life still goes on. i am used to it. just well. tmr is the first saturday and i am counting until the 3rd comes. so that after that my saturdays are my own again.
then i dawned upon me that. the most upsetting thing might just be finding yourself being unable to say if you are happy or unhappy. it's just the moods that are in between. the gray areas. it would be way better if things are clearer. happy is happy. laugh it out. sad is sad. cry it out. i am in the situation where i cant laugh from deep within my heart cos my heart isnt feeling exactly happy and i can cry much tears to the extent that things will be better after crying. ya. horrible life. maybe. i am just leading one.
deadlines are coming. first april. gosh. should be able to meet them just nicely. no matter what. things will be done. feeling really sick of work but life still goes on. i am used to it. just well. tmr is the first saturday and i am counting until the 3rd comes. so that after that my saturdays are my own again.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
i almost did. gave up.
woke up today and got myself ready to go to rj again. first time in my whole 3 months that i go rj on consecutive days. i'm not schooling now. yes, that's the prob. i was almost telling myself that i gonna give up this time. was walking that super long route from bishan j8 to rj and i was telling myself. gosh. if i am really so not blessed i will be so dead. goodness. i needed help to succeed in getting the teacher that i have been getting the whole week. sigh. well. reached school after that long walk that i almost wanted to give up. went to the staff room. asked for the teacher. and phew. she's in. but well. too busy to come out and meet me and get the things. so i just left the documents in her letter-rack. i hope she remembers to check. gosh. if she doesnt i can really faint. well. i tried my best. now i can only wait. and time for me to do sthg too. have to pay up for application or they'll render it invalid. have to submit extra documents i think and i'll settle that tmr latest i think. i have to. argh. cant procrastinate anymore. i'll be so so so dead if i do.
then after that went to jurong east. settled sister's hi-card top-up. i hope i didnt do anything wrong. that machine cant issue me a receipt. so now i can only pray that i have done things correctly. after that met esther and really learnt a lot today. shall keep what i've learnt to myself.
now back after the meeting with her and resting a while. thinking. before i go tutoring again. a rather smooth-flowing day and i am more than glad that it is. tmr going for guitar practice. hope i dont make a fool out of myself. haha. will have to be able to play properly. argh. ya. and need to find my way to the meeting place. or else the taxi-driver will earn his pay from me. >.<
cant think of anymore to write. more relaxed today. and i hope this continues. i shall try and keep myself at peace. i am learning to be.
then after that went to jurong east. settled sister's hi-card top-up. i hope i didnt do anything wrong. that machine cant issue me a receipt. so now i can only pray that i have done things correctly. after that met esther and really learnt a lot today. shall keep what i've learnt to myself.
now back after the meeting with her and resting a while. thinking. before i go tutoring again. a rather smooth-flowing day and i am more than glad that it is. tmr going for guitar practice. hope i dont make a fool out of myself. haha. will have to be able to play properly. argh. ya. and need to find my way to the meeting place. or else the taxi-driver will earn his pay from me. >.<
cant think of anymore to write. more relaxed today. and i hope this continues. i shall try and keep myself at peace. i am learning to be.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
un-lucky
sigh. got woken up early in the morning by an sms. haha. so stupid. woke up even before the time i set for my alarm. a miracle indeed. call that good? maybe not. i dont know.
went rj before tutoring. tough luck. wanted to look for my teacher and yet end up when i reached i was told the teacher just left. omg. should have seen my expression when the receptionist told me that. i was like "what the hell?!" sigh. tmr might just go down again. have a deadline coming friday. need to settle it asap. argh. i am not happy. eee. why is my luck so damn bad. last week also cannot find her. today also cannot find her. fate playing tricks on me or luck playing tricks on me?
then was still very very early before i have to go to tutor, so shopped around j8. bought the goggles and end up spending my last 20 bucks on that. goodness. then i actually went tutoring without cash. yea. broke. argh.
well at least tutoring didnt turn out bad. just the same. taught and let them do work. the only good thing is i didnt get home very very late. so can rest. and i also treated myself to coffee bean pure choc ice blended before i went rj. haha. :)
[ edited - additions ]
argh. damn. got called up by my manager. now i have to work for 3 more weeks to come on saturdays. there goes all my plans to enjoy. arghhhhhhhh. if not for the money i would be banging my head against the wall. argh. pay day pay day. that's the only thing that can motivate me for now. hopeless already. my gb friends all say so. haha. all i can think of is work money bonus. whatever. still. it's not that i am hopeless. i am just not assertive enough maybe. i need to learn. any teachers available for free? haha. sry la. i need lessons on this lor. i dont know how to reject people when people are nice. my manager for example. no matter how much i hate to have my saturdays taken away. i cant scream into the phone and say, "hey i need a break!" helpline?! who's throwing me one?
went rj before tutoring. tough luck. wanted to look for my teacher and yet end up when i reached i was told the teacher just left. omg. should have seen my expression when the receptionist told me that. i was like "what the hell?!" sigh. tmr might just go down again. have a deadline coming friday. need to settle it asap. argh. i am not happy. eee. why is my luck so damn bad. last week also cannot find her. today also cannot find her. fate playing tricks on me or luck playing tricks on me?
then was still very very early before i have to go to tutor, so shopped around j8. bought the goggles and end up spending my last 20 bucks on that. goodness. then i actually went tutoring without cash. yea. broke. argh.
well at least tutoring didnt turn out bad. just the same. taught and let them do work. the only good thing is i didnt get home very very late. so can rest. and i also treated myself to coffee bean pure choc ice blended before i went rj. haha. :)
[ edited - additions ]
argh. damn. got called up by my manager. now i have to work for 3 more weeks to come on saturdays. there goes all my plans to enjoy. arghhhhhhhh. if not for the money i would be banging my head against the wall. argh. pay day pay day. that's the only thing that can motivate me for now. hopeless already. my gb friends all say so. haha. all i can think of is work money bonus. whatever. still. it's not that i am hopeless. i am just not assertive enough maybe. i need to learn. any teachers available for free? haha. sry la. i need lessons on this lor. i dont know how to reject people when people are nice. my manager for example. no matter how much i hate to have my saturdays taken away. i cant scream into the phone and say, "hey i need a break!" helpline?! who's throwing me one?
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
black forest
what a name given to a sweet delicacy. black something so dark, so sad, so depressing. forest somewhere so deep, so easy to get lost in, so much a maze. yet. it's a name given to a cake so sweet, so indulging, so satiating. i'm thinking too much maybe. thinking too much over something i have eaten for my brunch (breakfast cum lunch).
as usual, i woke up late. very late. it was around 2 pm that i woke up. goodness. i am sleeping too much for my own good. slept around 11 hours if i am not wrong for this time. i woke up in between but continued to sleep. i almost messed up tuesday and wednesday. i thought it was wednesday and dreamt that i woke up at 3, which is the time i am suppose to be tutoring far off at ang mo kio. goodness. then i woke up shocked. looked at the time on my hp and it said 11 plus. then i went back to sleep. haha. silly. and before i went back to sleep again, i actually made it clear to myself that it is tuesday so i dont have to freak out yet. haha. i need some discipline. goodness. i need to wake up way earlier than 2 pm. i must try to wake up at 10 for tmr and thurs. fri will have to be earlier by hook or by crook. it would be so embarrassing to oversleep for guitar practice. argh. help!
actually i dont have much to say. cos it's really boring these days. mondays and tuesdays i dont have much to do except to rot at home until it's time for tuition. i idle my time away. i feel useless at times. i need to do sthg more constructive. today is my jogging day yet i feel like giving up on my routine already. but well, i'll just have to drag myself down to the track and run a few rounds until i really give up.
feel like buying comics or anime vcds. so that i can watch and do sthg i enjoy. but sigh. i think it's hard being so grown up. i think of so many many things when i decide to buy things. the money. i dont want to splurge. my family isnt well off i cant splurge as and when i like. in gb when i was playing i would always say "bonus" and exclaim when i fail to get that or i get that. my teammates will say i am crazy over money.
i think i am. afterall, my way of thinking have changed so much since i was sec 3. earning my own money and saving it up properly became the way i behave. obsession with nothing else but money. daddy's departure have changed me to the extent that i have nvr ever imagined. i used to be a pampered princess. i didnt have to worry about things cos i am provided with them. but after all those things that happened, i made myself so strong at times that i can nvr imagine myself to be. in the autograph book i let my secondary school friends write before i left school in sec 4, quite a handful commented that i was strong, independent, able to juggle school and work at the same time. i have to agree. then again, i look at the autograph book that i had for my sec 1 sec 2 classmates. no one ever commented that. i was some tyrant then. i have things my way and most of them have nothing much to say except they would really be glad that i am not that fierce. the change, the transition. i have changed so much and i am saddened by the fact that i did. if given a choice, i would nvr want to be so strong. it's no point being so strong. it's no point being so independent. it's no point being so able to feed myself with the money i earn. it's no point being so obsessed with money cos no one can ever earn enough. it's no point changing so much only to find yourself being unable to really enjoy. it's sad isnt it. i am sad. recently, i look back so much. trying to face the facts that i have to live the way i am now. i look back thinking if only. so many things that i hope i have done. so many things i hope i have held back. so many things that i want to keep and treasure. so many things i hope i have not done. the childlike innocence is something i have lost forever. deeply saddened by the fact. the mindset of a girl who is 19 is sthg i can nvr keep to. i feel so much older. some people call that mature. i call that silly. i want to be my age. what should a 19 year old really be like? i have nvr ever knew. it's is that much of worries that i am holding on to? am i simply thinking too much? i dont know. however hard i try. i can nvr be able to seek the answers.
what else can i say? i am lost in a black forest. the deep dark place.
as usual, i woke up late. very late. it was around 2 pm that i woke up. goodness. i am sleeping too much for my own good. slept around 11 hours if i am not wrong for this time. i woke up in between but continued to sleep. i almost messed up tuesday and wednesday. i thought it was wednesday and dreamt that i woke up at 3, which is the time i am suppose to be tutoring far off at ang mo kio. goodness. then i woke up shocked. looked at the time on my hp and it said 11 plus. then i went back to sleep. haha. silly. and before i went back to sleep again, i actually made it clear to myself that it is tuesday so i dont have to freak out yet. haha. i need some discipline. goodness. i need to wake up way earlier than 2 pm. i must try to wake up at 10 for tmr and thurs. fri will have to be earlier by hook or by crook. it would be so embarrassing to oversleep for guitar practice. argh. help!
actually i dont have much to say. cos it's really boring these days. mondays and tuesdays i dont have much to do except to rot at home until it's time for tuition. i idle my time away. i feel useless at times. i need to do sthg more constructive. today is my jogging day yet i feel like giving up on my routine already. but well, i'll just have to drag myself down to the track and run a few rounds until i really give up.
feel like buying comics or anime vcds. so that i can watch and do sthg i enjoy. but sigh. i think it's hard being so grown up. i think of so many many things when i decide to buy things. the money. i dont want to splurge. my family isnt well off i cant splurge as and when i like. in gb when i was playing i would always say "bonus" and exclaim when i fail to get that or i get that. my teammates will say i am crazy over money.
i think i am. afterall, my way of thinking have changed so much since i was sec 3. earning my own money and saving it up properly became the way i behave. obsession with nothing else but money. daddy's departure have changed me to the extent that i have nvr ever imagined. i used to be a pampered princess. i didnt have to worry about things cos i am provided with them. but after all those things that happened, i made myself so strong at times that i can nvr imagine myself to be. in the autograph book i let my secondary school friends write before i left school in sec 4, quite a handful commented that i was strong, independent, able to juggle school and work at the same time. i have to agree. then again, i look at the autograph book that i had for my sec 1 sec 2 classmates. no one ever commented that. i was some tyrant then. i have things my way and most of them have nothing much to say except they would really be glad that i am not that fierce. the change, the transition. i have changed so much and i am saddened by the fact that i did. if given a choice, i would nvr want to be so strong. it's no point being so strong. it's no point being so independent. it's no point being so able to feed myself with the money i earn. it's no point being so obsessed with money cos no one can ever earn enough. it's no point changing so much only to find yourself being unable to really enjoy. it's sad isnt it. i am sad. recently, i look back so much. trying to face the facts that i have to live the way i am now. i look back thinking if only. so many things that i hope i have done. so many things i hope i have held back. so many things that i want to keep and treasure. so many things i hope i have not done. the childlike innocence is something i have lost forever. deeply saddened by the fact. the mindset of a girl who is 19 is sthg i can nvr keep to. i feel so much older. some people call that mature. i call that silly. i want to be my age. what should a 19 year old really be like? i have nvr ever knew. it's is that much of worries that i am holding on to? am i simply thinking too much? i dont know. however hard i try. i can nvr be able to seek the answers.
what else can i say? i am lost in a black forest. the deep dark place.
Monday, March 21, 2005
a new beginning
9 hours of sleep. i slept around 5 am yesterday. cos was online transferring songs to sis and she transferred some to me. i just woke up 15 minutes ago. i set my alarm to be earlier but well i just shut it up and slept.
i had a weird dream in which i was dead. haha. it was so lame. at first i wasnt dead. suddenly i was. in my dreams, i dont even know the cause of my death. really lame lame dream. then after that i possess the ability to know so many things. like things that happen to anyone, things that they do before. like i know their deepest darkest secret. goodness. i think it's a crazy dream. but well. it's a dream that has ended. back to reality now.
again. the start of school for many. and yet. i am rotting at home. this is the 2nd time. that people start school and yet i am still in my holiday. it isnt something worth celebrating. after one week with ying at home in the morning with me. now she's back to school and i am home alone again. it's sad i must say. i really dont enjoy the way my life is getting more and more routinal. i crave some tiney-winey change in my life sometimes.
intend to catch a movie. thinking of watching robots. i asked ying to go with me. so funny that the thought of asking her to watch a movie with me just when her holidays are about to end. well. i told her to find one day when she's not so held up with school to watch with me. afterall, as sisters, i havent gone to the movies with her and just her. when i was very very young, i went to watch jurrasic park with my elder sis and daddy while she stayed at home with mummy. as we grow up, we all go out with our friends for movies. in sec 2, there was one rare chance that ying, me and daddy when to catch tokyo raiders. it left a deep impression on me cos it was one of the last movies daddy accompanied us to. and also cos me and ying wanted to watch it so badly that daddy rushed us to the cinema just after my 3rd language classes that time. nvr have me and ying go to the movies just with each other. so i thought it would be nice as a sister to initiate one this time. i hope there's a chance to. school gonna be busy i guess.
a lot of catching up to do with my sis too. when she comes back.
a lot of catching up to do with my friends. i am making an effort to email some of them. after all, i havent really done much to ask if most of them are fine. i am too engrossed working and too engrossed with my uni apps and too engrossed with myself. failed as a friend to many people. but well. i'll make changes. gonna start practising on the guitar soon. before it's way too late to. haha. friday. here comes.
i had a weird dream in which i was dead. haha. it was so lame. at first i wasnt dead. suddenly i was. in my dreams, i dont even know the cause of my death. really lame lame dream. then after that i possess the ability to know so many things. like things that happen to anyone, things that they do before. like i know their deepest darkest secret. goodness. i think it's a crazy dream. but well. it's a dream that has ended. back to reality now.
again. the start of school for many. and yet. i am rotting at home. this is the 2nd time. that people start school and yet i am still in my holiday. it isnt something worth celebrating. after one week with ying at home in the morning with me. now she's back to school and i am home alone again. it's sad i must say. i really dont enjoy the way my life is getting more and more routinal. i crave some tiney-winey change in my life sometimes.
intend to catch a movie. thinking of watching robots. i asked ying to go with me. so funny that the thought of asking her to watch a movie with me just when her holidays are about to end. well. i told her to find one day when she's not so held up with school to watch with me. afterall, as sisters, i havent gone to the movies with her and just her. when i was very very young, i went to watch jurrasic park with my elder sis and daddy while she stayed at home with mummy. as we grow up, we all go out with our friends for movies. in sec 2, there was one rare chance that ying, me and daddy when to catch tokyo raiders. it left a deep impression on me cos it was one of the last movies daddy accompanied us to. and also cos me and ying wanted to watch it so badly that daddy rushed us to the cinema just after my 3rd language classes that time. nvr have me and ying go to the movies just with each other. so i thought it would be nice as a sister to initiate one this time. i hope there's a chance to. school gonna be busy i guess.
a lot of catching up to do with my sis too. when she comes back.
a lot of catching up to do with my friends. i am making an effort to email some of them. after all, i havent really done much to ask if most of them are fine. i am too engrossed working and too engrossed with my uni apps and too engrossed with myself. failed as a friend to many people. but well. i'll make changes. gonna start practising on the guitar soon. before it's way too late to. haha. friday. here comes.
yippie!
ok. that sounds kiddy. that doesnt sound like the usual me.
but i am happy in a good way. look at the time man. i am a responsible tutor. finally finished setting the papers for that p2 genius student of mine. i copied most questions from my other student's assessment book. oops. haha. but well. i set the maths mcq all by myself. i hope that kills him. haha. sadistic. but i really dont want him to do too well for it. it might get into his head and he can get really so proud of himself at times that i cant stand it. was talking to sis online about him. and well. i must say i enjoy teaching him. although we make things difficult for each other. he's some child lor. goodness. i argue with him at times. argue like a child. gosh. haha. but well it's something refreshing. afterall working is really so routinal and boring to me these days. it's good to see his funny expression when i really make things hard for him and when the way he grins like mad when he makes things hard for me. haha. silly. but well. the way we relate to each other is quite fun. maybe that's why he tells his mum that i am a "hao3 wan2" teacher. laugh or cry over that? dont know. well. i am done. so that's good. tomorrow he'll be so so so dead. haha.
worked today again for 9 whole hours. i am tired but still getting on fine. i can catch up on sleep since tmr there is only tutoring. going to have to start practising on the guitar for the alumni piece. having practice on good friday morning and i havent done anything. omg. haha. i need to start.
ps. sry. friday swimming is off. argh. i got guitar prac. it slipped my mind. you can go ahead if you want ok? i'll get my goggles and we can start the week after. really sorry. i want to do sthg badly too. but. i think i cant push that practice back. working that day somemore so i cant pack more things in. unless. we can set another date. really sry girl.
moving on to another week. :) trying to remain very very positive that things will go great. still need to settle that last bit of scholarship apps. going to rj again before tuition on wednesday i guess. i just hope my teacher wont scream at me. for putting her name down as referee even before i seek her permission. i keep my fingers crossed. :)
but i am happy in a good way. look at the time man. i am a responsible tutor. finally finished setting the papers for that p2 genius student of mine. i copied most questions from my other student's assessment book. oops. haha. but well. i set the maths mcq all by myself. i hope that kills him. haha. sadistic. but i really dont want him to do too well for it. it might get into his head and he can get really so proud of himself at times that i cant stand it. was talking to sis online about him. and well. i must say i enjoy teaching him. although we make things difficult for each other. he's some child lor. goodness. i argue with him at times. argue like a child. gosh. haha. but well it's something refreshing. afterall working is really so routinal and boring to me these days. it's good to see his funny expression when i really make things hard for him and when the way he grins like mad when he makes things hard for me. haha. silly. but well. the way we relate to each other is quite fun. maybe that's why he tells his mum that i am a "hao3 wan2" teacher. laugh or cry over that? dont know. well. i am done. so that's good. tomorrow he'll be so so so dead. haha.
worked today again for 9 whole hours. i am tired but still getting on fine. i can catch up on sleep since tmr there is only tutoring. going to have to start practising on the guitar for the alumni piece. having practice on good friday morning and i havent done anything. omg. haha. i need to start.
ps. sry. friday swimming is off. argh. i got guitar prac. it slipped my mind. you can go ahead if you want ok? i'll get my goggles and we can start the week after. really sorry. i want to do sthg badly too. but. i think i cant push that practice back. working that day somemore so i cant pack more things in. unless. we can set another date. really sry girl.
moving on to another week. :) trying to remain very very positive that things will go great. still need to settle that last bit of scholarship apps. going to rj again before tuition on wednesday i guess. i just hope my teacher wont scream at me. for putting her name down as referee even before i seek her permission. i keep my fingers crossed. :)
Sunday, March 20, 2005
sat-ur-day
dont know why i split it up that way. well. i just did.
read cher's blog. guild outing seem to turn out quite fun. not bad. but well. i wouldnt be able to have that much fun anyway. mum will nvr allow me to stay out that late. hmm. that's the way my life is. so that's it. i'm just going to be back home early all the time. good thing that not all my friends are like that. haha. they dont go out that long. or else i'll be like "xian mu" all the time. but i guess i'm used to such kind of lifestyle already. i am some super toot girl. :)
well. nothing much for today. slept till late morning again. well. my sleeps are really horrid now. i'm gone case la. sleep so much. but well. there isnt much to do except sleeping. now in slack mood. and "not so want to gb" mood. but well. have to play so that i wont waste the power user. my prepaid card. i really need to stop playing it some day. i'm kind of sian. dont think i can have a life by playing so much anyway.
tutored at 2 today. after that got ready to go out and meet ade and meiyi. went huang chen ye yun today. met them at raffles city and ate at the food court with their 2 other friends. then walked to victoria theatre. nothing much. then went to watch huang chen. 3rd year that i go watching huang chen. no hc-ian. but still supportive of it i guess. it's one of the rare chances that i get in touch with chinese stuff. 1st year that i go without teeseng. haha. usually those hc people will be doing backstage and he'll be my companion. haha. so well. this time i went with the girls. it's quiet during the shows without him. lol. talkative friend can be good also. well. huang chen was good. although a few works seem kind of lame. but well. i am impressed with their sets. i am so so so impressed. nvr fails to impress me. if only i was that professional in sets when i was in drama back in jc. everyone will so go wow. sigh. i dont have that kind of talent. eeks. usually before they end, they'll sing this hc song thing. always make me feel so left out. but well. i made the choice myself 2 years back. and there's nothing bad about the choice i made. haha. being in rj was fun. just no more old homey campus now. i want to wear rj uniform!! so long since i wore it. but no chance to. anyway. it was so much coindence that during one short moment in the play for huang chen. they played hui dao guo qu. see the lyrics that i posted in the last entry. woops. haha. nice song!
yap. then got home slightly after 11. mum was as usual worried. and i just told her the day before that i'll be out to watch huang chen. argh. then called me at 10 plus already to check where i was. eee. ok. she's overprotective. goodness. i am a tough girl la. well.
read cher's blog. guild outing seem to turn out quite fun. not bad. but well. i wouldnt be able to have that much fun anyway. mum will nvr allow me to stay out that late. hmm. that's the way my life is. so that's it. i'm just going to be back home early all the time. good thing that not all my friends are like that. haha. they dont go out that long. or else i'll be like "xian mu" all the time. but i guess i'm used to such kind of lifestyle already. i am some super toot girl. :)
well. nothing much for today. slept till late morning again. well. my sleeps are really horrid now. i'm gone case la. sleep so much. but well. there isnt much to do except sleeping. now in slack mood. and "not so want to gb" mood. but well. have to play so that i wont waste the power user. my prepaid card. i really need to stop playing it some day. i'm kind of sian. dont think i can have a life by playing so much anyway.
tutored at 2 today. after that got ready to go out and meet ade and meiyi. went huang chen ye yun today. met them at raffles city and ate at the food court with their 2 other friends. then walked to victoria theatre. nothing much. then went to watch huang chen. 3rd year that i go watching huang chen. no hc-ian. but still supportive of it i guess. it's one of the rare chances that i get in touch with chinese stuff. 1st year that i go without teeseng. haha. usually those hc people will be doing backstage and he'll be my companion. haha. so well. this time i went with the girls. it's quiet during the shows without him. lol. talkative friend can be good also. well. huang chen was good. although a few works seem kind of lame. but well. i am impressed with their sets. i am so so so impressed. nvr fails to impress me. if only i was that professional in sets when i was in drama back in jc. everyone will so go wow. sigh. i dont have that kind of talent. eeks. usually before they end, they'll sing this hc song thing. always make me feel so left out. but well. i made the choice myself 2 years back. and there's nothing bad about the choice i made. haha. being in rj was fun. just no more old homey campus now. i want to wear rj uniform!! so long since i wore it. but no chance to. anyway. it was so much coindence that during one short moment in the play for huang chen. they played hui dao guo qu. see the lyrics that i posted in the last entry. woops. haha. nice song!
yap. then got home slightly after 11. mum was as usual worried. and i just told her the day before that i'll be out to watch huang chen. argh. then called me at 10 plus already to check where i was. eee. ok. she's overprotective. goodness. i am a tough girl la. well.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
回到过去
一盏黄黄旧旧的灯 时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸 不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生 静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影 失去平衡 慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋 该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端 无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去 试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界 想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去 试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰濛濛的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁
somehow the tune of this song just comes into mind. nice tune. haha. ok. i am falling in love with his songs. downloaded it to listen and i am indulging in it. haha. weird that i make it sound so fun. the tune is light but well. not exactly a very very happy song. so ya. my reaction is weird but still it's nice. :)
simple friday
following a simple routine these days.
went jogging in the morning with ps as usual. this time she came over. was knocking at my door. and i only just woke up. argh. the alarm clock did wake me up but well. i shut it up and continued my sleep. in the end sort of just woke up. not cos i heard the knocks. but i just did suddenly wake up. hmm. interesting. well. jogged quite a fair bit. not much. but well. did sthg i guess. went jogging round the perimeters of our pri school. 4 times. ok only la. well. might consider changing to swimming next week. cos it's getting so routinal that it's boring. well. not borned a swimmer but i'll try. at least i love the waters. need to get goggles now. since i sent sis' one over to atlanta. no longer can borrow hers. hmm. thinking thinking. when i can go shopping for it.then ps did uni apps at my place. good thing i got her over to come and do. made me realised one error that i made in mine and then went modifying. ya. talked. we both thought a lot i guess. over courses. guess such things are exceptionally stressing.
guild organised outing again. they very on. but well. i didnt join them. worked today. cant convince myself to give up the work for the fun yet. i'm money-faced. i'm way too practical maybe. or well. i just tired. if i were to take leave, i'll most prob opt to rest at home anyway. i am shagged. worn out. one whole week of torture over uni and scholarships. well. i guess they are still enjoying themselves out there. playful group of people maybe. and they can afford to stay out late. i most probably cant. so well. not really totally wrong to give it a miss. i need fun. need someone to accompany go out and havoc. haha. but well. i cant havoc much also. given my dull personality. i just need someone to talk crap with and cheer me up. make me feel less busy.
well. so i worked for today. nothing much. just the boring same tasks that i do all the time. for so many years liao. goodness. i am bored. sick and tired of it. but well. life still goes on.
now trying to use my brains and think. think think think. argh. setting questions for my 'precious' tutee zc. since i managed to finish his whole years syllabus already. woops. super fast. haha. it's only end of term 1 and i am done with term 4?! madness. well. so based on his 'pleasant' request, i have to set him a set of revision paper for maths and english. and he has to get good marks for them before i'll continue doing the next year's stuff with him. hmm. sounds like i've got to make some effort to make sure he doesnt get good marks. haha. brain juice drying up le. so sian. i only set the first paper's mcq and i am already dying. haha. goodness. i might just give up and give him a short paper. argh. think think zhien think!
went jogging in the morning with ps as usual. this time she came over. was knocking at my door. and i only just woke up. argh. the alarm clock did wake me up but well. i shut it up and continued my sleep. in the end sort of just woke up. not cos i heard the knocks. but i just did suddenly wake up. hmm. interesting. well. jogged quite a fair bit. not much. but well. did sthg i guess. went jogging round the perimeters of our pri school. 4 times. ok only la. well. might consider changing to swimming next week. cos it's getting so routinal that it's boring. well. not borned a swimmer but i'll try. at least i love the waters. need to get goggles now. since i sent sis' one over to atlanta. no longer can borrow hers. hmm. thinking thinking. when i can go shopping for it.then ps did uni apps at my place. good thing i got her over to come and do. made me realised one error that i made in mine and then went modifying. ya. talked. we both thought a lot i guess. over courses. guess such things are exceptionally stressing.
guild organised outing again. they very on. but well. i didnt join them. worked today. cant convince myself to give up the work for the fun yet. i'm money-faced. i'm way too practical maybe. or well. i just tired. if i were to take leave, i'll most prob opt to rest at home anyway. i am shagged. worn out. one whole week of torture over uni and scholarships. well. i guess they are still enjoying themselves out there. playful group of people maybe. and they can afford to stay out late. i most probably cant. so well. not really totally wrong to give it a miss. i need fun. need someone to accompany go out and havoc. haha. but well. i cant havoc much also. given my dull personality. i just need someone to talk crap with and cheer me up. make me feel less busy.
well. so i worked for today. nothing much. just the boring same tasks that i do all the time. for so many years liao. goodness. i am bored. sick and tired of it. but well. life still goes on.
now trying to use my brains and think. think think think. argh. setting questions for my 'precious' tutee zc. since i managed to finish his whole years syllabus already. woops. super fast. haha. it's only end of term 1 and i am done with term 4?! madness. well. so based on his 'pleasant' request, i have to set him a set of revision paper for maths and english. and he has to get good marks for them before i'll continue doing the next year's stuff with him. hmm. sounds like i've got to make some effort to make sure he doesnt get good marks. haha. brain juice drying up le. so sian. i only set the first paper's mcq and i am already dying. haha. goodness. i might just give up and give him a short paper. argh. think think zhien think!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
nothingness
thursday. one day passed again. one day closer to the deadline.
got one teacher to help me already. might call up the school tmr. try to ask for the other teacher. or else i am so dead. i can only pray for help now. really lost.
nothing much happen. i just hope there's some changes for tmr. for now. the main concern is scholarships. gosh. i need a break.
got one teacher to help me already. might call up the school tmr. try to ask for the other teacher. or else i am so dead. i can only pray for help now. really lost.
nothing much happen. i just hope there's some changes for tmr. for now. the main concern is scholarships. gosh. i need a break.
bug's life
flu bug bugged me today. buggy bug bug. stupid flu blug. went to give tuition still and i was so embarrassed. i dont feel good la. all alone at ang mo kio. sob sob. heng not that weak kind. haha. wont faint on the streets of singapore. haha. but really hate it when the flu bug bugs me like hell. it's irritating. and it just wont give way. and given my character. i would put up a good fight with it. and shant seek assistance from those doctors who just cant wait to take my pay as theirs. so end up sneezing all the way from tuition back home. back home much better. i think sneeze until cannnot sneeze liao. nose pain.
well. went rj today. tried to settle apps. futile attempt though. argh. no teachers around. sian. walked all the way there. and end up nothing. only manage to stamp "certified true copy" and even have to get some teacher that never taught me before to help me sign. all those that i know all not around. tough luck. sigh. think i'll be going down again next wed. before tuition to look for teachers. since got one is not due this week. but. headache about the one that need to get done by fri. short time. argh. how? no teachers around. joel sugeested just whacking and put their names without asking. haha. i might just do that lor. sian liao. despo liao. i almost chiong so much le. just need teachers. since i give up on many of those scholarships. now only doing those few de. now considering one more. no need essay. but i scared. if i odnt know much about what they need me to serve for bond. i end up screwed at interview. maybe i think too far. argh.
it's a boring wednesday. i not doing much. just myself alone spending time. allowing time to pass. tmr will be the same. for days to come too. loner. argh. that's the way my life is meant to be i guess.
well. went rj today. tried to settle apps. futile attempt though. argh. no teachers around. sian. walked all the way there. and end up nothing. only manage to stamp "certified true copy" and even have to get some teacher that never taught me before to help me sign. all those that i know all not around. tough luck. sigh. think i'll be going down again next wed. before tuition to look for teachers. since got one is not due this week. but. headache about the one that need to get done by fri. short time. argh. how? no teachers around. joel sugeested just whacking and put their names without asking. haha. i might just do that lor. sian liao. despo liao. i almost chiong so much le. just need teachers. since i give up on many of those scholarships. now only doing those few de. now considering one more. no need essay. but i scared. if i odnt know much about what they need me to serve for bond. i end up screwed at interview. maybe i think too far. argh.
it's a boring wednesday. i not doing much. just myself alone spending time. allowing time to pass. tmr will be the same. for days to come too. loner. argh. that's the way my life is meant to be i guess.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
deep slumber
falling into the disease. the disease of a deep slumber. slept a lot. very long. and i just dont want to wake up. today ying keep waking me before she goes out. i just "orh..." and i slept for one more hour. think i slept around 11 hours. going mad already. i think i am allowing myself to sleep more. subconsciously, i dont want to wake up. cos waking up means facing all those things that i have to do. waking up also means facing facts in life. waking up also means facing another so dead day of working.
well. today is better i guess. i finally got down to doing things. applied to nus and ntu for courses already. now trying to settle for scholarships. nanyang scholarship also done. i just need to go down and get teachers' appraisal. nus one i a little confused on what i need to do. trying to get dbs done through brightsparks but the documents seem to take very long to load. i'm still waiting now. today gonna most prob give up gb unless i can be done soon with dbs. well. higher efficiency. maybe that's the way i am. when i want to get things done. i can be rather quick with them. kind of like the mentality that i have. once i get the point straight that i want to do. i finish it off. and then after that i can enjoy all i can. that's the way i want it to be. hopefully things go well. after this week, i can really heave a sigh of relief and then move on. i hope i will move on.
need to really thank joel and ps. thanks for showing your concern. reading my blog doesnt dampen your mood too i hope. there are many who are fretting over scholarships and uni just like me. i just ranted on and on. thanks for asking if i am ok. i am getting on better. really appreciate words from you all. you people are blessings to me. a big hug and a big thank you!
and of course. thanks sis. for encouraging me. i always get very happy when you say i write well. cos no one really tells me that. my gp teacher doesnt. at least that's for sure. thanks for your advice. thanks for reassuring me again and again that i can go through this well enough. thanks for giving me guidance. thanks. loads of them. really. despite the fact that i am disturbing you late in the night (for you) and you still have your own schoolwork to manage, you still gave time to me to ask you questions when i am so lost. thanks girl. cant really express how grateful i am for your help. it may seem so so so minute. but you actually have done a lot. you boosted my morale. really encouraged me to press on. i will.
just now went jogging. 2 km. 5 rounds that is. slackened a bit. usually do 6 but today 5 and then walked 2 rounds. helped to destress a bit. i am really feeling better. now home alone and i am blasting songs to make myself feel less alone. i hate to think that i am stuck with all those apps and i am a loner. haha. well, since i can haha, i am lots better already. i gonna try remain so positive this week. surviving. and i will survive this week. friday. when everything comes to an end. good or bad. we shall see.
well. today is better i guess. i finally got down to doing things. applied to nus and ntu for courses already. now trying to settle for scholarships. nanyang scholarship also done. i just need to go down and get teachers' appraisal. nus one i a little confused on what i need to do. trying to get dbs done through brightsparks but the documents seem to take very long to load. i'm still waiting now. today gonna most prob give up gb unless i can be done soon with dbs. well. higher efficiency. maybe that's the way i am. when i want to get things done. i can be rather quick with them. kind of like the mentality that i have. once i get the point straight that i want to do. i finish it off. and then after that i can enjoy all i can. that's the way i want it to be. hopefully things go well. after this week, i can really heave a sigh of relief and then move on. i hope i will move on.
need to really thank joel and ps. thanks for showing your concern. reading my blog doesnt dampen your mood too i hope. there are many who are fretting over scholarships and uni just like me. i just ranted on and on. thanks for asking if i am ok. i am getting on better. really appreciate words from you all. you people are blessings to me. a big hug and a big thank you!
and of course. thanks sis. for encouraging me. i always get very happy when you say i write well. cos no one really tells me that. my gp teacher doesnt. at least that's for sure. thanks for your advice. thanks for reassuring me again and again that i can go through this well enough. thanks for giving me guidance. thanks. loads of them. really. despite the fact that i am disturbing you late in the night (for you) and you still have your own schoolwork to manage, you still gave time to me to ask you questions when i am so lost. thanks girl. cant really express how grateful i am for your help. it may seem so so so minute. but you actually have done a lot. you boosted my morale. really encouraged me to press on. i will.
just now went jogging. 2 km. 5 rounds that is. slackened a bit. usually do 6 but today 5 and then walked 2 rounds. helped to destress a bit. i am really feeling better. now home alone and i am blasting songs to make myself feel less alone. i hate to think that i am stuck with all those apps and i am a loner. haha. well, since i can haha, i am lots better already. i gonna try remain so positive this week. surviving. and i will survive this week. friday. when everything comes to an end. good or bad. we shall see.
Monday, March 14, 2005
a fool
a fool is writing something here.
i am getting stressed out. i dont know how to start. dont know how to begin. dont know how to really get things done. deadline is this week. i gonna hate it as time pass. what should i begin with? goodness. i'm too dumb to be a scholar. i'm just banging my head against the wall trying to figure out how i gonna fill in those horrid online forms. argh. i really cannot make it this time. i am feeling tired. i dont know how to start. i dont even have nice qualifications to show people. i need teachers for reference. and it's the school holidays this week. how am i going to find them? i want to give up. give up on myself. i was telling my mum that i am really directionless. i dont know what to do. well. she isnt of much help. dont think she understands the way i am feeling now. i feel trapped. i feel upset. i feel horrible. i dont think highly of myself. and simply that's why i really think i am not able to get those scholarships done. it seems really really highly impossible for me to get them done now. i dont know what to choose. what courses to take. disillusioned. nothing is a consolidation to me. i feel really really really really so lost. alone. in this stupid race. maybe i am not. but i feel like i am. it's silly. really. i need help. hope. i just need the scholarship to drop from the sky to me. argh. call that lazy on my part. but i really log in to that darn website. look at those blanks that i am to fill and i get a blank in my mind. seriously. how can i go on?
anyway. a fool on the loose today. went out today. lunched with flo, mich, joel, gordon and eugene. ya. learnt a little. maybe a lot. i must say. then went library. boring day la. just went library. borrowed some books which hopefully helps in making up my mind. to law or not to law. i dont think i really am cut out for law anyway. maybe reading just might convince me that i wasnt wrong. walked home. then very tired. but still went to tutor. came back. tried to get things done. and that's what i felt. see those complaints above? i am going crazy with all those things now. really. i hate it. if only. if only things drop from the sky when you ask for them. wishing. hoping.
if only i could turn back time. a song that suddenly popped into my mind. long long time ago song i guess. not very popular but by this duo aqua. i wondered what i want to change if only i can turn back time. i would want time to slow down. i want to start doing all these applications earlier. i want to decide on what i want to do better. i want to have not made that wrong decision. i want my dad to still be here. i want my life to be great. i want to not have eaten so much fast food years years back. ya. if only. there's so many things i want to change. i'm a fool walking aimlessly in this life. let me be born a genius next time please.
i am getting stressed out. i dont know how to start. dont know how to begin. dont know how to really get things done. deadline is this week. i gonna hate it as time pass. what should i begin with? goodness. i'm too dumb to be a scholar. i'm just banging my head against the wall trying to figure out how i gonna fill in those horrid online forms. argh. i really cannot make it this time. i am feeling tired. i dont know how to start. i dont even have nice qualifications to show people. i need teachers for reference. and it's the school holidays this week. how am i going to find them? i want to give up. give up on myself. i was telling my mum that i am really directionless. i dont know what to do. well. she isnt of much help. dont think she understands the way i am feeling now. i feel trapped. i feel upset. i feel horrible. i dont think highly of myself. and simply that's why i really think i am not able to get those scholarships done. it seems really really highly impossible for me to get them done now. i dont know what to choose. what courses to take. disillusioned. nothing is a consolidation to me. i feel really really really really so lost. alone. in this stupid race. maybe i am not. but i feel like i am. it's silly. really. i need help. hope. i just need the scholarship to drop from the sky to me. argh. call that lazy on my part. but i really log in to that darn website. look at those blanks that i am to fill and i get a blank in my mind. seriously. how can i go on?
anyway. a fool on the loose today. went out today. lunched with flo, mich, joel, gordon and eugene. ya. learnt a little. maybe a lot. i must say. then went library. boring day la. just went library. borrowed some books which hopefully helps in making up my mind. to law or not to law. i dont think i really am cut out for law anyway. maybe reading just might convince me that i wasnt wrong. walked home. then very tired. but still went to tutor. came back. tried to get things done. and that's what i felt. see those complaints above? i am going crazy with all those things now. really. i hate it. if only. if only things drop from the sky when you ask for them. wishing. hoping.
if only i could turn back time. a song that suddenly popped into my mind. long long time ago song i guess. not very popular but by this duo aqua. i wondered what i want to change if only i can turn back time. i would want time to slow down. i want to start doing all these applications earlier. i want to decide on what i want to do better. i want to have not made that wrong decision. i want my dad to still be here. i want my life to be great. i want to not have eaten so much fast food years years back. ya. if only. there's so many things i want to change. i'm a fool walking aimlessly in this life. let me be born a genius next time please.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
extreme boredom
i dont really have much to say. but well. just say sthg cos my blog seem so quiet. beginning to feel like it's just myself here. maybe it is. born to be a loner. i gladly accept that if that's what is decided for me.
bored. very bored. called back to work on saturday for this week. kind of really sadded. cos i only knew of it on friday. damn sian. one day before then know. really hate to work these days. if not for the money, i cant be bothered. indeed, i rather earn money then spend money. so that mindset sort of keeps me going. beginning to really feel programmed to do certain things. life's for me is really dull and it's just way too routinal so far.
i need a red light in my life. traffic light. need some break. havent really got down to settling for uni. i need to get applications for scholarship done by the coming week if i still want to give myself a chance for it. starting tomorrow i'll work more on apps and play less. indeed i need to focus and start to set my priorities again. getting increasingly disillusioned. cos the fact is that. despite all the choices available, i cant fix my mind on what i want to get. i still have no direction. no road that i want to take. 10 15 years down the road. this is the time i really need to think and plan far. it isnt easy and i am getting really worn out. i hope i'll see some light before it's too late for me to do anything. got to just keep psychoing myself. "zhien, just decide on those that you have been thinking of. apply all and see what haps." maybe that's the way i really should do instead of just saying. it's just so hard. too much choices can also be a problem isnt it? or is it just me? indecisive. useless. unfoucused. lazy. crazy. i wonder. maybe maybe. life's making a fool of me big time.
bored. very bored. called back to work on saturday for this week. kind of really sadded. cos i only knew of it on friday. damn sian. one day before then know. really hate to work these days. if not for the money, i cant be bothered. indeed, i rather earn money then spend money. so that mindset sort of keeps me going. beginning to really feel programmed to do certain things. life's for me is really dull and it's just way too routinal so far.
i need a red light in my life. traffic light. need some break. havent really got down to settling for uni. i need to get applications for scholarship done by the coming week if i still want to give myself a chance for it. starting tomorrow i'll work more on apps and play less. indeed i need to focus and start to set my priorities again. getting increasingly disillusioned. cos the fact is that. despite all the choices available, i cant fix my mind on what i want to get. i still have no direction. no road that i want to take. 10 15 years down the road. this is the time i really need to think and plan far. it isnt easy and i am getting really worn out. i hope i'll see some light before it's too late for me to do anything. got to just keep psychoing myself. "zhien, just decide on those that you have been thinking of. apply all and see what haps." maybe that's the way i really should do instead of just saying. it's just so hard. too much choices can also be a problem isnt it? or is it just me? indecisive. useless. unfoucused. lazy. crazy. i wonder. maybe maybe. life's making a fool of me big time.
Friday, March 11, 2005
one week passed
one week after collecting results. honestly, i havent done much. i think i am slowly giving up. giving up on scholarship applications. they are due next week for most i think. i really need to do sthg. and yet. next week is school holidays. most of the teachers wont be down in school and it'll be really troublesome to get things done. cos there are things that need them to recommend. and i dont really know those teachers well. the same goes for them. i am some quiet student that try to whisk my way through school. i am just noisy with friends. in school those teacher wouldnt lift their heads to look at me. so well. it's hard to get things up. call me low self-esteem. telling myself that i cannot make it. but seriously. it isnt exactly easy. filling those forms can be crazy. and i really am going crazy.
just now went ps' place to jog jog in the morning. very tired. so hard to wake up early these days. but well. ran around a bit. feeling like i havent done much. tuesday i didnt jog cos went with ying to clinic see doctor. then hor also a bit sian also. damn. i am like out a lot eating and eating. and yet. i am not doing enough to shed those extra off. argh. getting very very bothered. eee. hate this la. i should be borned with high metabolic rate. then i can eat and eat and dont worry. if only.
then went her place. snacked a lot. hehe. her mum's a good baker. haha. very nice cookies around. i made myself at home. haha. very bad leh. then at her place watch jay chou's incomparable concert vcd. oooo. haha. he looks damn cool with the piano. haha. very very talented. not bad la. the concert. i like the songs. yay. then now can save up on getting that. thanks girl. haha. so end up stay there until around 10. haha. very slack.
later have to go work. i am like so freaking sian already. cant wait for time to pass and get back to school. i need some challenge. intellectually. i am brain-dead soon. haha. sry la. i am a mugger. so i'll just be most probably hugging my books most of the time. i'm sure. haha. but i rather do sthg in school then rot at home. thinking what i can most probably do.
sigh. university applications. i havent got down to do also. argh. ok. i need to focus and work.
just now went ps' place to jog jog in the morning. very tired. so hard to wake up early these days. but well. ran around a bit. feeling like i havent done much. tuesday i didnt jog cos went with ying to clinic see doctor. then hor also a bit sian also. damn. i am like out a lot eating and eating. and yet. i am not doing enough to shed those extra off. argh. getting very very bothered. eee. hate this la. i should be borned with high metabolic rate. then i can eat and eat and dont worry. if only.
then went her place. snacked a lot. hehe. her mum's a good baker. haha. very nice cookies around. i made myself at home. haha. very bad leh. then at her place watch jay chou's incomparable concert vcd. oooo. haha. he looks damn cool with the piano. haha. very very talented. not bad la. the concert. i like the songs. yay. then now can save up on getting that. thanks girl. haha. so end up stay there until around 10. haha. very slack.
later have to go work. i am like so freaking sian already. cant wait for time to pass and get back to school. i need some challenge. intellectually. i am brain-dead soon. haha. sry la. i am a mugger. so i'll just be most probably hugging my books most of the time. i'm sure. haha. but i rather do sthg in school then rot at home. thinking what i can most probably do.
sigh. university applications. i havent got down to do also. argh. ok. i need to focus and work.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
day out
went out early in the morn to post things to sis. should reach within 2 to 4 days. mum paid the postage so stop thanking me girl.
then after that walked back home again. online and rested a while before meeting tee seng for lunch. nice of him to go vegetarian with me today. haha. cos i have to and he just say it's ok with him. so went to the one at bugis that i know is very nice. i paid for the meal while he paid for drinks. lol. me disadvantaged. haha. but doesnt matter la. he'll be in ns soon and i doubt there'll be other chances. then after that walked around bras brasah where there was a book fair. got an organic chem book. i thought it'll be useful for ying and i also can read up myself. so affordable. 2.40 only. haha. good buy.
after that walked to parco and he treated me to eclairs from that beard papa shop. nice. really tasty. not very sweet. just nice. :) then after that we walked around a bit. muji. then after that we walked to plaza singapura from bugis. haha. first time. walked to raffles city first and then pass new smu campus. got to plaza singapura after that. haha. cool. exercise after meal. quite healthy. he met his ac friend. then just sat down and chat. haha. so funny la. talked crap with them although not very familiar with the people. rubbish. haha. then after that took bus home. just in time for tutoring.
i made zc's day bad today. haha. at tutoring i criticised him for being so slow. haha. very bad la. being very mean. but he just keeps giggling. i say i gonna make him hate me forever. and he copied the exact same words and told me that. well. he's just some child. so today is crappy day la. just doing rubbish around.
then after that walked back home again. online and rested a while before meeting tee seng for lunch. nice of him to go vegetarian with me today. haha. cos i have to and he just say it's ok with him. so went to the one at bugis that i know is very nice. i paid for the meal while he paid for drinks. lol. me disadvantaged. haha. but doesnt matter la. he'll be in ns soon and i doubt there'll be other chances. then after that walked around bras brasah where there was a book fair. got an organic chem book. i thought it'll be useful for ying and i also can read up myself. so affordable. 2.40 only. haha. good buy.
after that walked to parco and he treated me to eclairs from that beard papa shop. nice. really tasty. not very sweet. just nice. :) then after that we walked around a bit. muji. then after that we walked to plaza singapura from bugis. haha. first time. walked to raffles city first and then pass new smu campus. got to plaza singapura after that. haha. cool. exercise after meal. quite healthy. he met his ac friend. then just sat down and chat. haha. so funny la. talked crap with them although not very familiar with the people. rubbish. haha. then after that took bus home. just in time for tutoring.
i made zc's day bad today. haha. at tutoring i criticised him for being so slow. haha. very bad la. being very mean. but he just keeps giggling. i say i gonna make him hate me forever. and he copied the exact same words and told me that. well. he's just some child. so today is crappy day la. just doing rubbish around.
stepping back
today really worn out. i was yawning while i was tutoring. felt really bad. like a little irresponsible on my part as a tutor. my student was look at me. when i explained halfway and started to yawn. haha. quickly covered my mouth. basic courteousy i guess. that's the least i can do. really bad. then went straight to tutor another student. cos dont want to be very late for class gathering.
in the end still late la. i had to go get the cake. then after that walked to cineleisure to meet the class. had dinner. had the cake. then we were like. what's next. haha. no one knew. then some suggested movie. then end up taking lift to the cinema. then see the time slots. the girls backed out. gave the movie a miss. i had to be home by 12. so well. no movie. the guys went ahead. so went separate ways. bet they are having fun lanning now. haha. nothing else they'll be doing at this time. kind of typical. then the girls went to coffee club just across the street. the 6 of us bought 3 cups of drinks and share among ourselves. simply cos it's way too ex. took iced mocha vanilla. heavenly. but if really nvr share, can burn a hole in the pocket. but well. sweet indulgence. pampering myself a lot these days. not bad la. the drinks. but not really really fantastic i must say. i enjoy mocha. but. it's still not worth the amount paid. personal comments. no harm intended. maybe i am just being fussy.
then come home so shag. i am tired la. 3 hours of sleep and tried to survive this whole day. game a bit already then i sian liao. then now end game le. going off to sleep.
tmr still need to do things. being postgirl zhien again. sending parcel to sis again. i wonder if i even have the energy to crawl to ghim moh. shag leh. after that lunching with teeseng. last chance. haha. sounds as if like yong bie le. haha. but well. going in ns sure means hard to meet up. the same goes for every single classmate of mine. all like so hard to contact leh. but well. tmr have to eat vegetarian food. gonna think of somewhere nice. or else i starve myself. haha. going to push tuition time back so that i can go out and eat. very bad hor. but zc would be nice to allow me to tutor him at 5. i hope. i plan everything out packed nicely. so it's gonna have to work out.
beginning to take steps back. moving on yet looking back. thinking a lot these days. hope i am thinking along the right track. need to settle schooling. need to be more positive. no need to enjoy le. i think i have splurge enough for these few days. need to be happier. i keep getting very easily irritated. especially when mum keeps telling me to get this done get that done. i am like pissed off la. very lazy these days. need to really look forward move forward and be thankful the way things are for now. i hope there's a good ending to this. i dont want to sink and sink and sink. want to move on and on. time pass please. but pass at a time i can manage. i'm asking for too much, aint i?
in the end still late la. i had to go get the cake. then after that walked to cineleisure to meet the class. had dinner. had the cake. then we were like. what's next. haha. no one knew. then some suggested movie. then end up taking lift to the cinema. then see the time slots. the girls backed out. gave the movie a miss. i had to be home by 12. so well. no movie. the guys went ahead. so went separate ways. bet they are having fun lanning now. haha. nothing else they'll be doing at this time. kind of typical. then the girls went to coffee club just across the street. the 6 of us bought 3 cups of drinks and share among ourselves. simply cos it's way too ex. took iced mocha vanilla. heavenly. but if really nvr share, can burn a hole in the pocket. but well. sweet indulgence. pampering myself a lot these days. not bad la. the drinks. but not really really fantastic i must say. i enjoy mocha. but. it's still not worth the amount paid. personal comments. no harm intended. maybe i am just being fussy.
then come home so shag. i am tired la. 3 hours of sleep and tried to survive this whole day. game a bit already then i sian liao. then now end game le. going off to sleep.
tmr still need to do things. being postgirl zhien again. sending parcel to sis again. i wonder if i even have the energy to crawl to ghim moh. shag leh. after that lunching with teeseng. last chance. haha. sounds as if like yong bie le. haha. but well. going in ns sure means hard to meet up. the same goes for every single classmate of mine. all like so hard to contact leh. but well. tmr have to eat vegetarian food. gonna think of somewhere nice. or else i starve myself. haha. going to push tuition time back so that i can go out and eat. very bad hor. but zc would be nice to allow me to tutor him at 5. i hope. i plan everything out packed nicely. so it's gonna have to work out.
beginning to take steps back. moving on yet looking back. thinking a lot these days. hope i am thinking along the right track. need to settle schooling. need to be more positive. no need to enjoy le. i think i have splurge enough for these few days. need to be happier. i keep getting very easily irritated. especially when mum keeps telling me to get this done get that done. i am like pissed off la. very lazy these days. need to really look forward move forward and be thankful the way things are for now. i hope there's a good ending to this. i dont want to sink and sink and sink. want to move on and on. time pass please. but pass at a time i can manage. i'm asking for too much, aint i?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
sleepless
hmm. very bad. yesterday sleep so much. today cant even sleep much and i have a long day ahead of me. goodness.
slept at 4.30 am or so last night. didnt on the air-con cos ying is sick. and if i were to on the air-con, the cold air will be blowing directly at her. so i used the fan. give up cos the fan was blowing at me directly at speed 1. feel so cold. just switched it off. after that woke up at 7.30 am. sian bo. 3 hours of sleep. stupid mosquito bites. made me so itchy until i cant sleep anymore. wanted to just try and sleep more but just cant. maybe too many things going on in my mind. sian. set to think so early in the morning. now i am rotting time away. smsed. planning to lunch tmr with tee seng. cos he going in ns on 11th. there goes my companion. haha. trying to find classmates that are free to lunch too. argh. this is bad. last minute work and lunch seems so off. haha. no choice la. evening give his family better. and i rather stay at home. hope everything goes out properly planned. i am a lousy organiser for things.
busy for today. tutoring all the way at ang mo kio. luckily it's only once a week. or else i will really faint having to travel so far. class outing tonight. i hope everything is fine. i hope i can save a bit. i am going really broke soon at this rate. going out so often that it's getting scary. haha. i hope today will be a good day. argh. i am bored la. so i am blogging rubbish here.
slept at 4.30 am or so last night. didnt on the air-con cos ying is sick. and if i were to on the air-con, the cold air will be blowing directly at her. so i used the fan. give up cos the fan was blowing at me directly at speed 1. feel so cold. just switched it off. after that woke up at 7.30 am. sian bo. 3 hours of sleep. stupid mosquito bites. made me so itchy until i cant sleep anymore. wanted to just try and sleep more but just cant. maybe too many things going on in my mind. sian. set to think so early in the morning. now i am rotting time away. smsed. planning to lunch tmr with tee seng. cos he going in ns on 11th. there goes my companion. haha. trying to find classmates that are free to lunch too. argh. this is bad. last minute work and lunch seems so off. haha. no choice la. evening give his family better. and i rather stay at home. hope everything goes out properly planned. i am a lousy organiser for things.
busy for today. tutoring all the way at ang mo kio. luckily it's only once a week. or else i will really faint having to travel so far. class outing tonight. i hope everything is fine. i hope i can save a bit. i am going really broke soon at this rate. going out so often that it's getting scary. haha. i hope today will be a good day. argh. i am bored la. so i am blogging rubbish here.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
tuesday is just another day
damn. my comp suddenly disconnected itself from the internet. already completed this post. and yet cant publish it. now i have to retype this whole darn thing.
woke up feeling a litte confused. thought it was wednesday. but well. it's tuesday afterall. maybe cos i slept too much. confused already. slept at 4 am last night. woke up at 2 pm today. now very blur and drowsy. it's just like dreaming in the broad daylight. seems as if i dont ever want to wake up from my deep slumber. somehow.
another week has past. sis is coming back soon i guess. i havent got down to planning for her b'day celebrations. sry girl. i need to do university and scholarship applications for now. but it's just like i am so lazy to do anything. woke up so late today when i am supposed to walk to the library and then photocopy those documents. still need to get back to school one day to get those copies certified true copy. gosh. i havent done much. now only scanning those documents into the comp so that i can use them for online applications. i am lazy. not doing much. somehow i hate to move on. school is now a chore.
i somehow think i am worn out. maybe cos i am thinking so much. without myself realising about it. i am thinking so much that i dont even want to think that i am thinking. (does this make can sense to anyone? maybe not. i am talking rubbish again.) really. i dont know. i feel tired. i feel like i dont ever want to do anything anymore. drained. not going to want to move on anymore. can i just turn back time? or can i just stop here where it is?
planning for class outing today. and i am like pulling my hair off my scalp already. so hard to get things settled. some havent reply to me and the gathering is going to be on tomorrow. goodness. the only thing i can think of is dinner first. the rest shall come in later. zirong suggested kbox. no pool as mentioned by linda. now i've got to think. what can be done?
oh and if i havent mentioned. my tuition student actually commented that my A levels grades are lousy. goodness. argh. slap slap. he always comments. ya. i am not pretty. he'll say. that doesnt bother me. now he tells me. 4As is not good enough grade. i gonna smack him. funny child. so idiotic. haha. next time he better get that kind of grades plus GP A1 or he's more stupid than me. argh. what a child.
woke up feeling a litte confused. thought it was wednesday. but well. it's tuesday afterall. maybe cos i slept too much. confused already. slept at 4 am last night. woke up at 2 pm today. now very blur and drowsy. it's just like dreaming in the broad daylight. seems as if i dont ever want to wake up from my deep slumber. somehow.
another week has past. sis is coming back soon i guess. i havent got down to planning for her b'day celebrations. sry girl. i need to do university and scholarship applications for now. but it's just like i am so lazy to do anything. woke up so late today when i am supposed to walk to the library and then photocopy those documents. still need to get back to school one day to get those copies certified true copy. gosh. i havent done much. now only scanning those documents into the comp so that i can use them for online applications. i am lazy. not doing much. somehow i hate to move on. school is now a chore.
i somehow think i am worn out. maybe cos i am thinking so much. without myself realising about it. i am thinking so much that i dont even want to think that i am thinking. (does this make can sense to anyone? maybe not. i am talking rubbish again.) really. i dont know. i feel tired. i feel like i dont ever want to do anything anymore. drained. not going to want to move on anymore. can i just turn back time? or can i just stop here where it is?
planning for class outing today. and i am like pulling my hair off my scalp already. so hard to get things settled. some havent reply to me and the gathering is going to be on tomorrow. goodness. the only thing i can think of is dinner first. the rest shall come in later. zirong suggested kbox. no pool as mentioned by linda. now i've got to think. what can be done?
oh and if i havent mentioned. my tuition student actually commented that my A levels grades are lousy. goodness. argh. slap slap. he always comments. ya. i am not pretty. he'll say. that doesnt bother me. now he tells me. 4As is not good enough grade. i gonna smack him. funny child. so idiotic. haha. next time he better get that kind of grades plus GP A1 or he's more stupid than me. argh. what a child.
Monday, March 07, 2005
shopping
went shopping with ps today. went bugis. so long since i really shopped at bugis. haha. gosh. started off kind of bad bad bad. cos i bought one stick of that yakitori stick and that horrid bag was dripping soya sauce without me realising. damn. then the m)phosis bag that i used got smeared with that digusting soya sauce. now my organiser is destroyed. sob sob. the whole book got disfigured by those brown patches. eeks. i'm going to say bb to it soon. will have to change one or else i cant use. argh. yakitori. i'll ban it for as long as i can. goodness. sry sis. about your bag. i'll wash it. stinko for now. but not for long.
then went to lunch at hawker. not bad. at least we saved up on that. then went shopping around bugis village. tried on denim skirts. kind of like the in-thing these days. so i just tried on one. ok. not nice. cos i fat. eee. haha. so didnt buy la. end up didnt really get much. then went giordano tried on some tops. went around parco. end up buying a skirt from s&k and a top from giordano. eeks. 51 bucks spent in total. just within hours of shopping. i need to save up these days le. stress. ee. i need to make sure i have enough to last to pay bills and for the next few weeks. it's only the start of the month! and i've spent way over 100 bucks. argh. ok still i treated myself to pure choc ice blended from coffee bean. omg. addiction. haha.
after that went to sim lim with ps. she got herself a mp3 player. wot. one thing off her wishlist. hehe. then i treated her to mocha ice blended from coffee bean. left her to indulge in the coffee treat while i went back home. then usual. tutor. now online. it's just yet another day. haha. i need to diet now. i need to save up now. i need to do uni apps now. stress. haha. but i'll get it through. i have to. :)
then went to lunch at hawker. not bad. at least we saved up on that. then went shopping around bugis village. tried on denim skirts. kind of like the in-thing these days. so i just tried on one. ok. not nice. cos i fat. eee. haha. so didnt buy la. end up didnt really get much. then went giordano tried on some tops. went around parco. end up buying a skirt from s&k and a top from giordano. eeks. 51 bucks spent in total. just within hours of shopping. i need to save up these days le. stress. ee. i need to make sure i have enough to last to pay bills and for the next few weeks. it's only the start of the month! and i've spent way over 100 bucks. argh. ok still i treated myself to pure choc ice blended from coffee bean. omg. addiction. haha.
after that went to sim lim with ps. she got herself a mp3 player. wot. one thing off her wishlist. hehe. then i treated her to mocha ice blended from coffee bean. left her to indulge in the coffee treat while i went back home. then usual. tutor. now online. it's just yet another day. haha. i need to diet now. i need to save up now. i need to do uni apps now. stress. haha. but i'll get it through. i have to. :)
Sunday, March 06, 2005
no cinderalla
lol. nothing much today. worked. slept late.
yesterday went on outing with gb guild. haha. sounds crazy. but well. we went out. steamboat at marina. and i totally got freaked out by those live prawns and crabs. haha. crazy night. ate 7 prawns. damn. i'm going to be sick of them soon. after that went bowling. most of the time in the drain. 6 times in a row. madness. total waste of money. haha. spent so much la. after that went all the way to cineleisure. those people wanted to catch a movie like until 2 am. haha. called my mum and was given a flat no. haha. so i pang seh them and went back home at around 11 plus. got home only after 12. goodness. out till so late. then went home just slept. so tired. eeks. but well. enjoyable. not as awkward as i thought it would be. :)
yesterday went on outing with gb guild. haha. sounds crazy. but well. we went out. steamboat at marina. and i totally got freaked out by those live prawns and crabs. haha. crazy night. ate 7 prawns. damn. i'm going to be sick of them soon. after that went bowling. most of the time in the drain. 6 times in a row. madness. total waste of money. haha. spent so much la. after that went all the way to cineleisure. those people wanted to catch a movie like until 2 am. haha. called my mum and was given a flat no. haha. so i pang seh them and went back home at around 11 plus. got home only after 12. goodness. out till so late. then went home just slept. so tired. eeks. but well. enjoyable. not as awkward as i thought it would be. :)
Saturday, March 05, 2005
the moment
kind of blogging this late in the middle of the night. hehe. yap. got back results. yesterday i should say. since it's already the am of the 5th.
early in the morn went to run pay respects to my dad. 4th year since he's gone. my uncle fetched me to the place and i had to place those things all in place. was really blur but still got it done. mum's working. sis's schooling and away. left me alone to settle. well. learning. miss him of course. years passed but it just still feels awkward without him around. i would really brim with joy if he could share the good news that i can bring to him with my results. really. i want him to be proud of me. i hope i did him proud. but that's something i can nvr be totally sure about.
after that got home changed and took the train all the way to bishan. met the class for lunch. yep. before that spent money on gb prepaid card so now i am a power user. hmm. most might not understand what this is. but nvr mind. i splurge. but well. i guess i need to pamper myself sometimes. : ] yap. nice to meet the people again after so long. those guys that went ns. with new hairstyle. if that's considered some "hair" style. haha. very bad me. anyway. they all look so tan and ya. good. everyone looks good. healthy and fine. after lunch, strolled all the way to school. long walk. the difference between the old and the new. if it's old campus, we would be lunching at ghim moh hawker instead of fast food restaurant at j8. if it's old campus, the walk wouldnt be as long from where we lunch to the main gate. one thing same is. both old and new campus rock and they are still my school. haha. lame. ok. crap. basically wasted time there looking around then rot in the canteen commenting on how price have inflated since the move. the drinks increasing by 10 cents and the food increasing by more than 100%. hmm. then after that talk and talk. wait and wait. got guitar from hannah and will have to try and learn the song so that can perform under alumni for concert in may or sthg. hmm. so long since i touched the guitar. i hope i wont be "cmi". after that went to the hall. blur me actually left my hp in the canteen and had to walk all the way from the hall to the canteen to get it back again. so stupid la. old campus the hall was just above the canteen. now the hall is like two entire blocks away from the canteen. hmmm. walk until leg pain. should have wore track shoes. then can run and dont need leg pain.
then went into hall. got a call from dont know who. most probably sis from overseas. in the hall cant hear clearly. i was like. "hello i cant hear you clearly!" "hello!" "hello!" then hear some distorted sounds. then saying about "results" then. blur. haha. weird conversation that i practically cant hear a thing. then in the end we all finally got seated and the principal gave a overall view of how the cohort performed. 8 out of 12 subjects showed improvement from last year. 100% pass in GP. damn happy. GP is my nightmare. haha. i am so glad. relieved. relieved. then after that queued up to get results. waited waited waited. my register number so back. i was so nervous that i almost wanted to cry. saw so many people in my class with 4As and super good grades. then i was like shyt. so large number. scared sia. i might end up the smaller percentage group with bad grades. well. finally my turn. saw the results. i was so happy! goodness. sry. not to really dampen the mood of some others. but i really am happy with my grades. i was like thank goodness. i am glad very glad. thanks jiaying, thanks flor, thanks shiyin. for the hug before i got my results just to bring me comfort. to make me feel less tense. after that i called mum and i was like screaming "ma! i've got ______________". my junior was just around. then i was like talking to my mum and at the same time showing my results slip to my junior. got congratulated. hehe. i am happy. yap. i was. very. then my friend commented about me screaming into the phone about my results. i also laughed at my own behaviour. ultimate high. ya. we lingered around the hall. trying to make sure we werent dreaming. then slowly walked out of hall. end up waiting at some part of the school for ex-ct to come or sthg. then ya. boring wait. pointless to mention. total waste of time then. haha. but i saw my name on the board. the list for students with 3 & 4 A level distinctions. hehe. i was so happy la. i actually got a place there.
after that the class went for dinner at j8 again. ate pizza. groans. eating a lot. haha. then after lunch we went to watch hitch. damn hilarious. just sat there and laughed and zhi xuan was trying to remember one quote in the show. spoiler alert here. it's not just about the number of breaths you take, but it's about the moments that take your breath away. hehe. ya. so funny. he kept trying to remember those words. lol. hitch is nice. really. good for relaxation. really. some really sweet parts. but ultimately for laughs. can just go enjoy if you realise that you havent really allowed yourself to laugh out loud for some time. :)
after that lugged the guitar home and back home i go with results in my hands. i am happy. relieved. glad. now it's time to think again. what course to take. what route to choose. another thing that i will procrastinate for now. i need sleep. :)
early in the morn went to run pay respects to my dad. 4th year since he's gone. my uncle fetched me to the place and i had to place those things all in place. was really blur but still got it done. mum's working. sis's schooling and away. left me alone to settle. well. learning. miss him of course. years passed but it just still feels awkward without him around. i would really brim with joy if he could share the good news that i can bring to him with my results. really. i want him to be proud of me. i hope i did him proud. but that's something i can nvr be totally sure about.
after that got home changed and took the train all the way to bishan. met the class for lunch. yep. before that spent money on gb prepaid card so now i am a power user. hmm. most might not understand what this is. but nvr mind. i splurge. but well. i guess i need to pamper myself sometimes. : ] yap. nice to meet the people again after so long. those guys that went ns. with new hairstyle. if that's considered some "hair" style. haha. very bad me. anyway. they all look so tan and ya. good. everyone looks good. healthy and fine. after lunch, strolled all the way to school. long walk. the difference between the old and the new. if it's old campus, we would be lunching at ghim moh hawker instead of fast food restaurant at j8. if it's old campus, the walk wouldnt be as long from where we lunch to the main gate. one thing same is. both old and new campus rock and they are still my school. haha. lame. ok. crap. basically wasted time there looking around then rot in the canteen commenting on how price have inflated since the move. the drinks increasing by 10 cents and the food increasing by more than 100%. hmm. then after that talk and talk. wait and wait. got guitar from hannah and will have to try and learn the song so that can perform under alumni for concert in may or sthg. hmm. so long since i touched the guitar. i hope i wont be "cmi". after that went to the hall. blur me actually left my hp in the canteen and had to walk all the way from the hall to the canteen to get it back again. so stupid la. old campus the hall was just above the canteen. now the hall is like two entire blocks away from the canteen. hmmm. walk until leg pain. should have wore track shoes. then can run and dont need leg pain.
then went into hall. got a call from dont know who. most probably sis from overseas. in the hall cant hear clearly. i was like. "hello i cant hear you clearly!" "hello!" "hello!" then hear some distorted sounds. then saying about "results" then. blur. haha. weird conversation that i practically cant hear a thing. then in the end we all finally got seated and the principal gave a overall view of how the cohort performed. 8 out of 12 subjects showed improvement from last year. 100% pass in GP. damn happy. GP is my nightmare. haha. i am so glad. relieved. relieved. then after that queued up to get results. waited waited waited. my register number so back. i was so nervous that i almost wanted to cry. saw so many people in my class with 4As and super good grades. then i was like shyt. so large number. scared sia. i might end up the smaller percentage group with bad grades. well. finally my turn. saw the results. i was so happy! goodness. sry. not to really dampen the mood of some others. but i really am happy with my grades. i was like thank goodness. i am glad very glad. thanks jiaying, thanks flor, thanks shiyin. for the hug before i got my results just to bring me comfort. to make me feel less tense. after that i called mum and i was like screaming "ma! i've got ______________". my junior was just around. then i was like talking to my mum and at the same time showing my results slip to my junior. got congratulated. hehe. i am happy. yap. i was. very. then my friend commented about me screaming into the phone about my results. i also laughed at my own behaviour. ultimate high. ya. we lingered around the hall. trying to make sure we werent dreaming. then slowly walked out of hall. end up waiting at some part of the school for ex-ct to come or sthg. then ya. boring wait. pointless to mention. total waste of time then. haha. but i saw my name on the board. the list for students with 3 & 4 A level distinctions. hehe. i was so happy la. i actually got a place there.
after that the class went for dinner at j8 again. ate pizza. groans. eating a lot. haha. then after lunch we went to watch hitch. damn hilarious. just sat there and laughed and zhi xuan was trying to remember one quote in the show. spoiler alert here. it's not just about the number of breaths you take, but it's about the moments that take your breath away. hehe. ya. so funny. he kept trying to remember those words. lol. hitch is nice. really. good for relaxation. really. some really sweet parts. but ultimately for laughs. can just go enjoy if you realise that you havent really allowed yourself to laugh out loud for some time. :)
after that lugged the guitar home and back home i go with results in my hands. i am happy. relieved. glad. now it's time to think again. what course to take. what route to choose. another thing that i will procrastinate for now. i need sleep. :)
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
d day
finally. haha. dont know i should be happy or sad. friday 4th march. the day of the release of the a levels results. confirmed by the moe official press release.
now i've got to pray hard. everyone is telling me that it'll be just fine. i certainly hope so. 2.30pm. wait. for good news. i can only hope and pray. yes. i harbour hope. haha. indeed. i ought to be positive. why shouldnt i? i need lots and lots of good luck. survived so far and so i should. i want to do well. very much want to. can i be top student? haha. that's dreaming. i have never been one. i would gladly be crowned that. but well. i aim high. it's just aiming. haha. here comes. friday. i gonna love it or hate it. i wonder. we shall see.
now i've got to pray hard. everyone is telling me that it'll be just fine. i certainly hope so. 2.30pm. wait. for good news. i can only hope and pray. yes. i harbour hope. haha. indeed. i ought to be positive. why shouldnt i? i need lots and lots of good luck. survived so far and so i should. i want to do well. very much want to. can i be top student? haha. that's dreaming. i have never been one. i would gladly be crowned that. but well. i aim high. it's just aiming. haha. here comes. friday. i gonna love it or hate it. i wonder. we shall see.
back to normal
i start to think i am getting back on my feet. faster than i realised. no longer feel that upset by that fall. i have grown very much stronger in the heart now. now i realised. of course i get hurt but i climb back up so soon. it's good. i am glad. very glad. it has been a nightmare. now i am happy that it's all over.
anyway. today is good day. went out with flor, sarah, taitik and zhixuan to watch howl's moving castle. really nice anime. personal opinion maybe. simply cos i like anime. but like spirited away. i dont mind watching it again and again. i love the way the story went. rather good pace. not really slow and not really much confusion. watch it with a child-like heart. dont think so much into the plot. and it'll be so much more enjoyable. really. i love anime. simply cos they potray the dream-like images that anyone will yearn for in life. i felt way better. back to my much loved anime. i am happy the way things are now.
thanks for your concern, ps. really appreciate that. but some things i dont know how to say and i rather keep it to myself. not that i dont trust you enough to let you know but i just dont know how to express myself and saying it might make me sink deeper feeling more dumb and whatever it may seem. i'm ok now. fast right? told you i will be and i am really ok. gone is the horrid nightmare. really. thank you. for being such a really nice friend. you are always there and i am thankful.
anyway. today is good day. went out with flor, sarah, taitik and zhixuan to watch howl's moving castle. really nice anime. personal opinion maybe. simply cos i like anime. but like spirited away. i dont mind watching it again and again. i love the way the story went. rather good pace. not really slow and not really much confusion. watch it with a child-like heart. dont think so much into the plot. and it'll be so much more enjoyable. really. i love anime. simply cos they potray the dream-like images that anyone will yearn for in life. i felt way better. back to my much loved anime. i am happy the way things are now.
thanks for your concern, ps. really appreciate that. but some things i dont know how to say and i rather keep it to myself. not that i dont trust you enough to let you know but i just dont know how to express myself and saying it might make me sink deeper feeling more dumb and whatever it may seem. i'm ok now. fast right? told you i will be and i am really ok. gone is the horrid nightmare. really. thank you. for being such a really nice friend. you are always there and i am thankful.
song
a song that i find nice and really appropriate.
保持微笑 by she
又一个朋友被伤了心 她哽咽着问我 哪里才有爱情
心疼地把她搂在怀里 说不哭不哭我却先红了眼睛
失恋在这城市里到处横行 天使又一再失约从来没降临
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
又一个朋友计划远行 他剪短了头发说要遗忘过去
听着他故作洒脱语气 我知道他去的地方叫做逃避
失恋在这城市里到处横行 天使又一再失约从来没降临
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
保持微笑 by she
又一个朋友被伤了心 她哽咽着问我 哪里才有爱情
心疼地把她搂在怀里 说不哭不哭我却先红了眼睛
失恋在这城市里到处横行 天使又一再失约从来没降临
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
又一个朋友计划远行 他剪短了头发说要遗忘过去
听着他故作洒脱语气 我知道他去的地方叫做逃避
失恋在这城市里到处横行 天使又一再失约从来没降临
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
让我们保持微笑 给寂寞的人一些倚靠
我们要保持微笑 给孤单的人一种心情的拥抱
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