this is the title of a book that a friend gave to me as a bday gift when i was 17.
close to 2 years back.
was looking at it and of cos thinking.
the things that are mentioned in the book.
if i really wanted to be a great friend, i would...
be hospitable.
learn to keep confidences.
greet friends with genuine enthusiasm.
keep short accounts.
believe in the best of people.
look for what i can give.
be aware of the power of touch.
give token gifts.
learn to compliment people.
become an active listener.
be vulnerable.
write notes.
ask for God's help.
read about friendship.
make myself available to help out.
be sensitive to schedules.
be sensitive to preferences.
be inquisitive.
look for common interests.
be willing to make the introductions.
be sensitive to the issue of children.
learn to use e-mail.
practice speaking positively.
be careful not to criticize others.
be a prompt responder.
never underestimate the power of a movie.
deal with my emotional baggage.
be there when the chips are down.
keep a birthday calendar.
offer to watch the kids.
love unconditionally.
clip articles and save coupons.
show up and show support.
commit to spiritual growth.
verbalize my feelings.
be honest.
be willing to share the things that move me.
be on time.
try not to take myself too seriously.
learn to celebrate.
try not to take others too seriously.
be tolerant of family pets.
join a Bible study group.
suggest we meet at my house.
treat someone to coffee or tea.
follow through.
resist the urge to be a know-it-all.
learn humility.
validate and elevate.
attend seminars and retreats.
seize the day.
resist the urge to be a fixer.
save the sermons.
create a safe place to share ideas.
forgive and accept forgiveness.
overcome my fear of making a mistake.
refrain from borrowing money.
be nice to my friend's families.
share the beauty of nature.
get a sense of humour.
refuse to "use" my friends.
look at the light side.
seek out self-improvement.
stop talking.
give flowers, plants, or fresh fruit.
use my phone to stay in touch.
seek out a mentor.
smile at piles.
be careful not to hold on too tight.
affirm possibility thinking.
think long term.
never underestimate the power of proximity.
allow for seasons of friendship.
minimize distractions.
take care of my body.
be careful not to put all my eggs in one basket.
watch my tongue.
pace myself.
these points.
cant help but think.
have i been a good friend?
those people who i say are my good friends, have i been a good friend to them?
i dont mean from what they see me as.
i mean the way i have treated them.
i cant help but feel as if i havent done enough for most of them.
close to 2 years since i have that book in my possession.
and more than once i have looked through it.
and yet. i have yet to fulfil so much and can really say that i have been a good friend.
i really hope i can be.
i am trying very hard to be.
especially to some.
but. what happens when the efforts to be one seem so ineffective?
i feel drained.
i feel useless.
i feel helpless.
what can i really do?
i care yet how do i voice my concern without scaring people off?
seriously, i value friends.
and sometimes, i just cant seem to do what i can so really keep them by my side.
am i too selfish?
am i too demanding?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
none
cant think of a title.
anyway, was supposed to blog last night.
but well. i slept. was very tired.
anyway,
yesterday.
went jp at around 12 noon.
watching star wars ep3 with my some of my sec 4 classmates at 1.30.
so i actually went so early.
bought tickets.
got rather good seats. the last row. haha.
after that roam around jp on my own.
until 12.30. tee seng reached and yea the 2 of us just went around jp.
went arcade. he wanted to play some tennis thing. then dont have.
end up playing this drum thing.
that i totally embarrassed myself at.
then i laughed like mad. and missed a big part. end up he took over.
haha. how silly.
then played the basketball thing. wah. i can shoot better than him.
haha.
i missed lesser than him.
then he played some fighting game.
after that money all spent. zero card value.
so went ntuc to buy snacks to bring into the cinema.
haha.
then weisin called. yea. and communication error.
sry man. end up me and tee seng went to golden village.
cant find him.
then call him. he actually went to ntuc.
argh.
cos of me. so blur.
end up. waited for linjin.
yea. then we went in.
the movie was ok ok.
i expected more actions.
swish swish. light sabres.
but end up the movie was a lot about the whole tragedy thing. sigh. can they fight more?
haha.
and seriously if it's those stimulators seat thing. it'll be so much fun.
haha.
i want a purple light sabre.
i want to be able to fly those space crafts just as pro as anakin skywalker.
i want to have the wisdom that yoda have.
i want to possess that kind of force that yoda have. so huge although he's so small size.
sigh. so much wants. haha. greed might just turn me to the dark side.
haha. i am going crazy.
yea. after the movie we all nothing else to do.
so went separate ways.
but yay. i've got my second early bday gift. weisin gave me this cushion thing.
but sadly on it says "take time to be kind".
bleh. what does that hint man?
i cant whack him on the head with that. cos it'll only prove i am not kind enough.
haha.
but yea. i like it. cos the bear on it looks so cute.
thanks. :)
after that i went tee seng's house.
cos he said he might make a trip down to orchard to collect his levi's jeans.
wah lao. rich kid.
and yea. i was going to town later to meet my sisters also.
so went his place.
wah. then end up. super embarrassing.
i slipped and fell on the stairs. he was so shocked la.
all those really silly embarrassing things seem to happen right in front of him.
jinxed me?
haha.
so now my left hand. near the wrist there's a small swell.
on my right hand got a small dark purple like dot. most prob internal bleeding. press le will pain.
but well. it's still ok.
the first thing i did when i got up from the fall was laugh. cos i really find it silly that i can actually fall.
then at his place wait for him to pack his stuff.
and wah. i am amazed how smart he looks in his number 4.
haha.
cool.
then after that he decided that he should just go straight to pasir ris instead of dropping by orchard then go to book in.
haha. then i was telling him. so i went to your house just to fall.
haha. how dumb.
he was telling me to go get new shoes when i go orchard. then i was like "ya. i should."
but well. then took train together.
so funny la. i was standing beside some guy in army uniform. haha.
so after that i went to meet ying and sis at orchard.
shopped around.
had dinner at kfc.
bleh. spend money again.
then after that. went to get shoes. charles and keith shoes.
haha. hope this one doesnt give me any more probs.
yea. and i got skorts from op.
haha. sale makes me splurge.
have a lot of things that want to buy but yea. keep in view.
haha. not much money to buy all the stuff.
so basically that's all for the day.
just that i was very tired when i got home.
i was telling my sis to let me nap a while and wake me up to use the comp later.
then end up. she woke me up but i told her to let me sleep.
so yea.
for today. i have 14 hours of sleep.
11 pm to 2pm. how shiok.
i am amazed at how crazily i can pig.
but well.
so so day.
just cant help but feel down at times.
beginning to feel helpless at a lot of things.
there are many people that i want to care about and help. but there just seem to be nothing i can do.
a friend that has problems with uni and i cant do much to help.
a friend that just seems to have that really unhappy look and seems so troubled. yet doesnt seem to want to tell me and i cant do anything but just feel sad.
i dont know. so many things. that i need to do. even for myself. there are things i am trying to come to terms with. trying to get out of. trying to cast aside. trying to get out of my mind and stop myself from being bogged down by it.
yet. i feel as if i dont really possess that much strength to do all these.
for myself and for those people around me that i really truly care for.
what am i suppose to do?
sometimes i wish i am smarter.
not in terms of academic.
but smarter in terms of knowing more about the ways of life.
smarter to be able to give good advice. smarter enough to sense the problems.
smarter enough to get the solutions quick enough.
why arent i blessed with such abilities?
if there are things that i can trade to get such an ability. can i trade?
sigh. whatever.
may the force be with me.
anyway, was supposed to blog last night.
but well. i slept. was very tired.
anyway,
yesterday.
went jp at around 12 noon.
watching star wars ep3 with my some of my sec 4 classmates at 1.30.
so i actually went so early.
bought tickets.
got rather good seats. the last row. haha.
after that roam around jp on my own.
until 12.30. tee seng reached and yea the 2 of us just went around jp.
went arcade. he wanted to play some tennis thing. then dont have.
end up playing this drum thing.
that i totally embarrassed myself at.
then i laughed like mad. and missed a big part. end up he took over.
haha. how silly.
then played the basketball thing. wah. i can shoot better than him.
haha.
i missed lesser than him.
then he played some fighting game.
after that money all spent. zero card value.
so went ntuc to buy snacks to bring into the cinema.
haha.
then weisin called. yea. and communication error.
sry man. end up me and tee seng went to golden village.
cant find him.
then call him. he actually went to ntuc.
argh.
cos of me. so blur.
end up. waited for linjin.
yea. then we went in.
the movie was ok ok.
i expected more actions.
swish swish. light sabres.
but end up the movie was a lot about the whole tragedy thing. sigh. can they fight more?
haha.
and seriously if it's those stimulators seat thing. it'll be so much fun.
haha.
i want a purple light sabre.
i want to be able to fly those space crafts just as pro as anakin skywalker.
i want to have the wisdom that yoda have.
i want to possess that kind of force that yoda have. so huge although he's so small size.
sigh. so much wants. haha. greed might just turn me to the dark side.
haha. i am going crazy.
yea. after the movie we all nothing else to do.
so went separate ways.
but yay. i've got my second early bday gift. weisin gave me this cushion thing.
but sadly on it says "take time to be kind".
bleh. what does that hint man?
i cant whack him on the head with that. cos it'll only prove i am not kind enough.
haha.
but yea. i like it. cos the bear on it looks so cute.
thanks. :)
after that i went tee seng's house.
cos he said he might make a trip down to orchard to collect his levi's jeans.
wah lao. rich kid.
and yea. i was going to town later to meet my sisters also.
so went his place.
wah. then end up. super embarrassing.
i slipped and fell on the stairs. he was so shocked la.
all those really silly embarrassing things seem to happen right in front of him.
jinxed me?
haha.
so now my left hand. near the wrist there's a small swell.
on my right hand got a small dark purple like dot. most prob internal bleeding. press le will pain.
but well. it's still ok.
the first thing i did when i got up from the fall was laugh. cos i really find it silly that i can actually fall.
then at his place wait for him to pack his stuff.
and wah. i am amazed how smart he looks in his number 4.
haha.
cool.
then after that he decided that he should just go straight to pasir ris instead of dropping by orchard then go to book in.
haha. then i was telling him. so i went to your house just to fall.
haha. how dumb.
he was telling me to go get new shoes when i go orchard. then i was like "ya. i should."
but well. then took train together.
so funny la. i was standing beside some guy in army uniform. haha.
so after that i went to meet ying and sis at orchard.
shopped around.
had dinner at kfc.
bleh. spend money again.
then after that. went to get shoes. charles and keith shoes.
haha. hope this one doesnt give me any more probs.
yea. and i got skorts from op.
haha. sale makes me splurge.
have a lot of things that want to buy but yea. keep in view.
haha. not much money to buy all the stuff.
so basically that's all for the day.
just that i was very tired when i got home.
i was telling my sis to let me nap a while and wake me up to use the comp later.
then end up. she woke me up but i told her to let me sleep.
so yea.
for today. i have 14 hours of sleep.
11 pm to 2pm. how shiok.
i am amazed at how crazily i can pig.
but well.
so so day.
just cant help but feel down at times.
beginning to feel helpless at a lot of things.
there are many people that i want to care about and help. but there just seem to be nothing i can do.
a friend that has problems with uni and i cant do much to help.
a friend that just seems to have that really unhappy look and seems so troubled. yet doesnt seem to want to tell me and i cant do anything but just feel sad.
i dont know. so many things. that i need to do. even for myself. there are things i am trying to come to terms with. trying to get out of. trying to cast aside. trying to get out of my mind and stop myself from being bogged down by it.
yet. i feel as if i dont really possess that much strength to do all these.
for myself and for those people around me that i really truly care for.
what am i suppose to do?
sometimes i wish i am smarter.
not in terms of academic.
but smarter in terms of knowing more about the ways of life.
smarter to be able to give good advice. smarter enough to sense the problems.
smarter enough to get the solutions quick enough.
why arent i blessed with such abilities?
if there are things that i can trade to get such an ability. can i trade?
sigh. whatever.
may the force be with me.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
ache
woke up today.
first lesson of the aerobics class thing.
now my thighs are aching like mad.
cos simply i am not really born with the natural flair for such things.
and also cos it was really a proper work out in months?!
yea. the teacher is nice.
but skipping next week class cos of the bday celebration thing.
[more updates when the date draws near]
got my year supply of contact lens.
sigh. spent a huge part of what i have left again.
not much money left.
and i am dying to get a proper gym wear to attend classes.
dying to get a new pair of specs simply cos the old one is way too old.
dying to geta whole load of stuff. argh.
tutored today.
was kind of tired by the time i was tutoring the second student.
gosh. sigh.
i hate to see myself as being irresponsible.
but i dont think i am not doing much.
argh.
went out with sis after that.
came home.
damn shit.
i really hate the way things are now.
an indecisive me who cant figure out what to choose for uni now.
disillusioned.
a helpless me that cant give proper advice to people around me.
a silly me that cant do anything to really help when i really want to.
a freaking-loser me without the right state of mouth to let the right words shoot out of my mouth so that i dont sound like an ah lian.
a lousy me that cant do anything to stop the people from saying that why cant they just die like now. when i feel the same way too?
if there's any easier way to die. i rather die. what kind of rubbish am i putting up with nights after nights.
the mess that i can never be able to clear.
the load that i can never be able to lift.
the little things that i can never be able to help out with and they end up pissing people off.
the crap that are brought up each time there's a fight that i can never bring myself to hear more.
seriously, what's the problem now?
there just seem to be nothing to start off with.
i can never really figure out why i allow myself to be in such shit.
sigh. cant wait for tmr.
ming tian hui geng hao.
how many times have i keep telling myself that.
maybe tmr.
i'll be out. heck. i really cant be bothered.
first lesson of the aerobics class thing.
now my thighs are aching like mad.
cos simply i am not really born with the natural flair for such things.
and also cos it was really a proper work out in months?!
yea. the teacher is nice.
but skipping next week class cos of the bday celebration thing.
[more updates when the date draws near]
got my year supply of contact lens.
sigh. spent a huge part of what i have left again.
not much money left.
and i am dying to get a proper gym wear to attend classes.
dying to get a new pair of specs simply cos the old one is way too old.
dying to geta whole load of stuff. argh.
tutored today.
was kind of tired by the time i was tutoring the second student.
gosh. sigh.
i hate to see myself as being irresponsible.
but i dont think i am not doing much.
argh.
went out with sis after that.
came home.
damn shit.
i really hate the way things are now.
an indecisive me who cant figure out what to choose for uni now.
disillusioned.
a helpless me that cant give proper advice to people around me.
a silly me that cant do anything to really help when i really want to.
a freaking-loser me without the right state of mouth to let the right words shoot out of my mouth so that i dont sound like an ah lian.
a lousy me that cant do anything to stop the people from saying that why cant they just die like now. when i feel the same way too?
if there's any easier way to die. i rather die. what kind of rubbish am i putting up with nights after nights.
the mess that i can never be able to clear.
the load that i can never be able to lift.
the little things that i can never be able to help out with and they end up pissing people off.
the crap that are brought up each time there's a fight that i can never bring myself to hear more.
seriously, what's the problem now?
there just seem to be nothing to start off with.
i can never really figure out why i allow myself to be in such shit.
sigh. cant wait for tmr.
ming tian hui geng hao.
how many times have i keep telling myself that.
maybe tmr.
i'll be out. heck. i really cant be bothered.
soak up the sun
today woke up.
finally made a trip to the library. returned the 8 books that i borrowed the week before.
borrowed 6 books this time.
cos had to help ps borrow 2 books.
bleh. hit the max for the 2 cards AGAIN!
after that got home slacked and get ready to meet ps.
recently cultivating this really bad habit.
very the last minute.
haha.
headed for sentosa.
finally. a day to get out into the sun and try and obtain a healthier look.
nice weather. really. the sun and all.
it's been so long since i really go to the beach.
next time must have big group. more fun!
haha.
and the conclusion is:
i love the nice scenery at the beach.
i still need to tan more to look healthier and not PALE.
i need to shed those fats. haha. damn. have been rotting too much at home. and eating too much.
haha.
yea. still. all the fun and all.
i am shag.
went to shop around harbourfront centre after leaving sentosa.
then met sis in orchard.
headed home.
down with one out of six books. five more to go.
still counting.
i am officially a bookworm.
a bookworm that's being bugged by the flu bug that just wont let me off.
come on ah. i need to get better. argh argh argh.
uploaded photos at the photo page. kind of figured out it's too much to post here.
shall just show 2 really nice pics that i like.
the sun setting. really pretty sight. but ouch. my eyes cant take the brightness.
finally made a trip to the library. returned the 8 books that i borrowed the week before.
borrowed 6 books this time.
cos had to help ps borrow 2 books.
bleh. hit the max for the 2 cards AGAIN!
after that got home slacked and get ready to meet ps.
recently cultivating this really bad habit.
very the last minute.
haha.
headed for sentosa.
finally. a day to get out into the sun and try and obtain a healthier look.
nice weather. really. the sun and all.
it's been so long since i really go to the beach.
next time must have big group. more fun!
haha.
and the conclusion is:
i love the nice scenery at the beach.
i still need to tan more to look healthier and not PALE.
i need to shed those fats. haha. damn. have been rotting too much at home. and eating too much.
haha.
yea. still. all the fun and all.
i am shag.
went to shop around harbourfront centre after leaving sentosa.
then met sis in orchard.
headed home.
down with one out of six books. five more to go.
still counting.
i am officially a bookworm.
a bookworm that's being bugged by the flu bug that just wont let me off.
come on ah. i need to get better. argh argh argh.
uploaded photos at the photo page. kind of figured out it's too much to post here.
shall just show 2 really nice pics that i like.
the view of palawan beach. hot afternoon with clear blue sky. woohoo.
the sun setting. really pretty sight. but ouch. my eyes cant take the brightness.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
out
woke up late today.
tried to get rest so that i can recover from the flu.
sigh. not any better.
but i guess it's i should be ok soon.
sigh. flu is one big enemy of mine.
went out with ps after that.
walked around but i didnt spend on things.
nothing except eating a lot.
sigh. i am eating a lot.
argh. argh. argh.
ate. burger king student's meal. haha.
how thick-skinned. i just showed the student pass. not student exactly but well.
ate at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao. wah. super big bowl but super nice.
was so so so full after that.
ate peachie yami yougurt.
haha. very nice. but yea. kind of ex. but it's healthy.
drank ice blended mocha from delifrance.
gosh. coffee addiction.
really need to work out already. damn sian.
and also have to control my eating habits.
haha.
approaching the end of the month. broke ah.
haha. anyway. nothing much for today. i am crapping nonsense.
just wanted to post pics. pics that i took for the last few days.
tried to get rest so that i can recover from the flu.
sigh. not any better.
but i guess it's i should be ok soon.
sigh. flu is one big enemy of mine.
went out with ps after that.
walked around but i didnt spend on things.
nothing except eating a lot.
sigh. i am eating a lot.
argh. argh. argh.
ate. burger king student's meal. haha.
how thick-skinned. i just showed the student pass. not student exactly but well.
ate at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao. wah. super big bowl but super nice.
was so so so full after that.
ate peachie yami yougurt.
haha. very nice. but yea. kind of ex. but it's healthy.
drank ice blended mocha from delifrance.
gosh. coffee addiction.
really need to work out already. damn sian.
and also have to control my eating habits.
haha.
approaching the end of the month. broke ah.
haha. anyway. nothing much for today. i am crapping nonsense.
just wanted to post pics. pics that i took for the last few days.
starbucks coffee that i took on tues. frappacino caramel light. :)
sweet and nice
my gift that i got from yuhsin. starwars m&m's mini dispenser.
yoda. may the force be with you. hehe. it's so cuteeeeee.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
mixed ramblings
cant think of a proper title.
very sick to think.
flu again.
sigh. i guess it's cos the rain today.
the morning.
woke up in a shock at 6.45.
supposed to have planned to wake up earlier.
told my mum to wake me up at 6 but well. i overslept.
then hurriedly got ready to get out of my place. 7.30.
was raining early in the morn.
headed for yuhsin's place.
gonna send him off today. going back to his beloved country.
thought i was going to be late cos of the rain.
but surprisingly the trains today are so co-operative and i reached so early.
then. walked to his place from the lrt station.
was lazy to get my umbrella out. so the j5 senior with me offered to share his umbrella with me.
haha. end up my shoes very slippery and keep threatening to leave itself behind.
then argh. yea so it slipped off my feet. and then we were like in front and my one shoe was left at the back.
end up hopping back to retrieve my shoe and yea. during that short time i was in the rain.
so i guess that worsen my already bad enough flu.
now i am totally like bleh. i want to die.
reached the house then yea we each helped to carry his luggage. then went to take the bus.
lol. the bag with his passport.
then i was saying what if i talk and talk and forget about it when we get off the train.
haha.
reached buigs change train to tanah merah then to changi airport.
i got assigned the so called most important piece of luggage.
after that checked in his luggage and then yea we sit down and ate.
shared a subway meal with yuhsin.
first time i try a subway sandwich. haha. not too bad. i still love the cookie better.
talked joked.
oh and yea i got a gift. haha. supposed to be the one giving him a gift but yea.
ever since i have became how thick-skinned i manage to ask for gifts!
while carrying his bag i saw this super cute m&m's star wars thing. then i was asking. what's this.
then he just said "if you want i can give it to you."
sounds really funny the way he says it. cos yea. i just made a passing comment.
haha. end up. of course. i am thick-skinned enough to take it la.
who doesnt want. it's so cute.
it's a m&m's mini dispenser. haha. yoda.
thanks man. so give me face.
but yea. i was kind of bad. didnt get him sthg before he left. really slipped my mind.
sigh.
ok. then after that near the time to board the plane and so. parted ways.
cos of my flu it appeared that my eyes are teary and then. so funny. seems as if crying like that.
haha. how funny la. the other people were asking. how come i crying. i was like no. my flu is making my eyes very teary.
haha. how silly-looking.
after that was very tired. cos hardly wake up so early.
and plus the flu.
was really really tired.
headed home and wanted to try and catc some sleep but by the time i got back. i only had like around 30 mins. before i have to get out again to go tutor.
made myself something hot to drink just so that i might feel better.
end up didnt.
sigh.
i slept on the train la. very tired.
then tutoring.
yea. was sneezing a lot. kept apologising to my student. cos yea i feel like it's not really nice to be passing my germs to her.
then yea it was really nice of her.
after that went back home. cos one other tuition got cancelled.
good thing also.
i wouldnt be in the condition to handle another student also.
then got some stuff around amk central then headed back home.
finished reading the 8th book.
so i am officially crazy. i finished all 8 in a week.
after that really cannot take it and went to sleep.
now awake. and i dont feel any better. what crap.
ok. i gonna sleep a lot tonight.
sigh. i hate it lor. really feel like shit.
cant think any more.
tmr is another day that awaits me. i need to get better. :)
very sick to think.
flu again.
sigh. i guess it's cos the rain today.
the morning.
woke up in a shock at 6.45.
supposed to have planned to wake up earlier.
told my mum to wake me up at 6 but well. i overslept.
then hurriedly got ready to get out of my place. 7.30.
was raining early in the morn.
headed for yuhsin's place.
gonna send him off today. going back to his beloved country.
thought i was going to be late cos of the rain.
but surprisingly the trains today are so co-operative and i reached so early.
then. walked to his place from the lrt station.
was lazy to get my umbrella out. so the j5 senior with me offered to share his umbrella with me.
haha. end up my shoes very slippery and keep threatening to leave itself behind.
then argh. yea so it slipped off my feet. and then we were like in front and my one shoe was left at the back.
end up hopping back to retrieve my shoe and yea. during that short time i was in the rain.
so i guess that worsen my already bad enough flu.
now i am totally like bleh. i want to die.
reached the house then yea we each helped to carry his luggage. then went to take the bus.
lol. the bag with his passport.
then i was saying what if i talk and talk and forget about it when we get off the train.
haha.
reached buigs change train to tanah merah then to changi airport.
i got assigned the so called most important piece of luggage.
after that checked in his luggage and then yea we sit down and ate.
shared a subway meal with yuhsin.
first time i try a subway sandwich. haha. not too bad. i still love the cookie better.
talked joked.
oh and yea i got a gift. haha. supposed to be the one giving him a gift but yea.
ever since i have became how thick-skinned i manage to ask for gifts!
while carrying his bag i saw this super cute m&m's star wars thing. then i was asking. what's this.
then he just said "if you want i can give it to you."
sounds really funny the way he says it. cos yea. i just made a passing comment.
haha. end up. of course. i am thick-skinned enough to take it la.
who doesnt want. it's so cute.
it's a m&m's mini dispenser. haha. yoda.
thanks man. so give me face.
but yea. i was kind of bad. didnt get him sthg before he left. really slipped my mind.
sigh.
ok. then after that near the time to board the plane and so. parted ways.
cos of my flu it appeared that my eyes are teary and then. so funny. seems as if crying like that.
haha. how funny la. the other people were asking. how come i crying. i was like no. my flu is making my eyes very teary.
haha. how silly-looking.
after that was very tired. cos hardly wake up so early.
and plus the flu.
was really really tired.
headed home and wanted to try and catc some sleep but by the time i got back. i only had like around 30 mins. before i have to get out again to go tutor.
made myself something hot to drink just so that i might feel better.
end up didnt.
sigh.
i slept on the train la. very tired.
then tutoring.
yea. was sneezing a lot. kept apologising to my student. cos yea i feel like it's not really nice to be passing my germs to her.
then yea it was really nice of her.
after that went back home. cos one other tuition got cancelled.
good thing also.
i wouldnt be in the condition to handle another student also.
then got some stuff around amk central then headed back home.
finished reading the 8th book.
so i am officially crazy. i finished all 8 in a week.
after that really cannot take it and went to sleep.
now awake. and i dont feel any better. what crap.
ok. i gonna sleep a lot tonight.
sigh. i hate it lor. really feel like shit.
cant think any more.
tmr is another day that awaits me. i need to get better. :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
meeting up
today woke up very late.
cos i spent the night reading book.
slept at 4 plus am.
haha. so the lazy bum me woke up late.
nothing to do early in the morning also.
haha.
now.
finished the 7th book.
off to complete my 8th.
how cool is that.
i gonna make a record breaking stunt. reading 8 books in one week.
haha. i can really be labelled a bookworm already.
after that.
met lai hung for dinner.
it's been so long.
i keep telling her since jan. we'll meet up some day when i have the time.
haha.
i am such a horrid procrastinator.
so this promise made since jan came true after 4 months close to 5.
yea. thai express dinner.
very full. and we get to talk a lot. which is good.
then walked around city link raffles city and suntec trying to get her her belated bday gift.
all the walking around. then good thing is really did get her sthg.
haha.
then after that. went to starbucks for coffee.
oh man. i am going to fall in love. fall in love with these kind of relaxing stuff.
sitting in a cafe. sipping coffee. listening to mp3. reading a book. or chatting with a really nice friend.
really had a nice and relaxing time tonight.
at least i would say it is time well-spent. :)
cos i spent the night reading book.
slept at 4 plus am.
haha. so the lazy bum me woke up late.
nothing to do early in the morning also.
haha.
now.
finished the 7th book.
off to complete my 8th.
how cool is that.
i gonna make a record breaking stunt. reading 8 books in one week.
haha. i can really be labelled a bookworm already.
after that.
met lai hung for dinner.
it's been so long.
i keep telling her since jan. we'll meet up some day when i have the time.
haha.
i am such a horrid procrastinator.
so this promise made since jan came true after 4 months close to 5.
yea. thai express dinner.
very full. and we get to talk a lot. which is good.
then walked around city link raffles city and suntec trying to get her her belated bday gift.
all the walking around. then good thing is really did get her sthg.
haha.
then after that. went to starbucks for coffee.
oh man. i am going to fall in love. fall in love with these kind of relaxing stuff.
sitting in a cafe. sipping coffee. listening to mp3. reading a book. or chatting with a really nice friend.
really had a nice and relaxing time tonight.
at least i would say it is time well-spent. :)
last?
tian xia wu bu san zhi yan si. this phrase that i once learnt from my secondary school's higher chinese textbook.
yea. parting with my job.
the job that i have been juggling for close to 4 years.
indeed i have grown so accustomed to doing things there.
and i seriously can be obsessed with my work.
workaholic me. workaholic zhien.
yea. so today at work. had mixed feelings.
dont really know i should be happy. or sad.
happy cos i really am giving myself a really good break this time.
really going to slack until i feel so sian of slacking.
sad cos it's the last day i am working at that place.
and during this period of time, the people i've met. they have been really nice to me.
thanks people. most probably you guys wont know.
but well. sometimes it's the people at the place that makes work enjoyable.
and i guess i experienced that.
no doubt i have been pissed about the job before. and i have again and again cant wait to get out of that place.
still, i must say i liked it there.
dont ever think i can find a nice working env.
even though i am working.
i feel pampered.
so many things that i dont have to really get down to doing. simply cos.
the manager is nice to me.
everyone else is too.
a little she bu de. but still. who doesnt want a good break.
will really enjoy dropping by once in a while to really say a big hi to everyone.
today morning.
class gathering. breakfast.
eeps. i was the first to reach.
i already tried my best to leave my house at the right time so that i wont be waiting for too long.
sigh.
yea. end up so few people came.
only me lindy and james were on time.
zx was late but he made an effort to cab down. how nice.
joseph was late too. but he came down even though he somehow didnt feel like? (just a guess)
eugene was late. but well. he was the earliest among the latest.
so a class gathering ended up with 6 people.
had breakfast at wang jiao at ps.
then after that didnt quite know what to do.
and the guys esp james. wanted to lan.
lol.
end up. the 6 of us went lanning.
gosh. me and lindy included.
how amazing.
haha. yea. so for the first time in my life. i played dota on my own as player.
haha. how really amazingly cool. cos the first time i knew what the game is like was rather recent?
haha. and i did play a bit cos taitik gentlemanly let me tried it out for a while before i really declare that i give up.
haha.
yea. so i picked my own team mates. of course knowing how pro james is. i volunteered myself to be in his team. haha.
end up. played a 3 v 3 game. me james and eugene in one team. lindy zx and joseph in another.
haha. and i am super duper clumsy in the game.
at first they all ignore me. so i was more than glad.
my character in the game wasnt being slaughtered.
haha.
after that lindy left. end up 3 v 2 kind of. haha. then end up the 2 guys adopted other strategy and i end up dying a lot of times so i practically sit there and did nothing much.
(if i am not wrong. lindy and i was the only 2 females in that shop we went. haha. so after she left. i am the only crazy female left in that lan shop with guys shouting in the background curses when they simply fail to do sthg. haha. ever so refreshing to enter somewhere new and find out sthg really really like totally out of your own world.)
for the first game, of course we won. cos we have james on our team.
second game we joined someone else. and they had 3 people and we had 5. to make it a 4 v 4 game. the 4 guys happily volunteered me to the other team.
sry man. those guys dont have much luck.
conclusion. second game i lost. cos james was on the other team!
end up. played for 2.5 hours or so. wah lao.
7 bucks.
sianz. my money ah. so end up i concluded that. lanning is a waste of money.
haha. no doubt all the excitement.
zx was commenting that i am going to be so crazy over the game that they'll find me in some lan shop every weekend. crap la. haha. i am not that CRAZY yet.
i dont have that kind of shit money and time to waste.
and somehow. i was a lousy player yet the 4 of them were commenting that i am quite good for a beginner.
do you all love to say such nice comments to encourage more people to participating in your lan activities? haha. pyscho-ing me?
still. a fantastic day.
yet.
not really very happy.
dont know why.
but just seems down. a little. the mood. just cant seem to get any better.
feel like getting away.
a trip maybe.
i really need a break. i guess.
yea. parting with my job.
the job that i have been juggling for close to 4 years.
indeed i have grown so accustomed to doing things there.
and i seriously can be obsessed with my work.
workaholic me. workaholic zhien.
yea. so today at work. had mixed feelings.
dont really know i should be happy. or sad.
happy cos i really am giving myself a really good break this time.
really going to slack until i feel so sian of slacking.
sad cos it's the last day i am working at that place.
and during this period of time, the people i've met. they have been really nice to me.
thanks people. most probably you guys wont know.
but well. sometimes it's the people at the place that makes work enjoyable.
and i guess i experienced that.
no doubt i have been pissed about the job before. and i have again and again cant wait to get out of that place.
still, i must say i liked it there.
dont ever think i can find a nice working env.
even though i am working.
i feel pampered.
so many things that i dont have to really get down to doing. simply cos.
the manager is nice to me.
everyone else is too.
a little she bu de. but still. who doesnt want a good break.
will really enjoy dropping by once in a while to really say a big hi to everyone.
today morning.
class gathering. breakfast.
eeps. i was the first to reach.
i already tried my best to leave my house at the right time so that i wont be waiting for too long.
sigh.
yea. end up so few people came.
only me lindy and james were on time.
zx was late but he made an effort to cab down. how nice.
joseph was late too. but he came down even though he somehow didnt feel like? (just a guess)
eugene was late. but well. he was the earliest among the latest.
so a class gathering ended up with 6 people.
had breakfast at wang jiao at ps.
then after that didnt quite know what to do.
and the guys esp james. wanted to lan.
lol.
end up. the 6 of us went lanning.
gosh. me and lindy included.
how amazing.
haha. yea. so for the first time in my life. i played dota on my own as player.
haha. how really amazingly cool. cos the first time i knew what the game is like was rather recent?
haha. and i did play a bit cos taitik gentlemanly let me tried it out for a while before i really declare that i give up.
haha.
yea. so i picked my own team mates. of course knowing how pro james is. i volunteered myself to be in his team. haha.
end up. played a 3 v 3 game. me james and eugene in one team. lindy zx and joseph in another.
haha. and i am super duper clumsy in the game.
at first they all ignore me. so i was more than glad.
my character in the game wasnt being slaughtered.
haha.
after that lindy left. end up 3 v 2 kind of. haha. then end up the 2 guys adopted other strategy and i end up dying a lot of times so i practically sit there and did nothing much.
(if i am not wrong. lindy and i was the only 2 females in that shop we went. haha. so after she left. i am the only crazy female left in that lan shop with guys shouting in the background curses when they simply fail to do sthg. haha. ever so refreshing to enter somewhere new and find out sthg really really like totally out of your own world.)
for the first game, of course we won. cos we have james on our team.
second game we joined someone else. and they had 3 people and we had 5. to make it a 4 v 4 game. the 4 guys happily volunteered me to the other team.
sry man. those guys dont have much luck.
conclusion. second game i lost. cos james was on the other team!
end up. played for 2.5 hours or so. wah lao.
7 bucks.
sianz. my money ah. so end up i concluded that. lanning is a waste of money.
haha. no doubt all the excitement.
zx was commenting that i am going to be so crazy over the game that they'll find me in some lan shop every weekend. crap la. haha. i am not that CRAZY yet.
i dont have that kind of shit money and time to waste.
and somehow. i was a lousy player yet the 4 of them were commenting that i am quite good for a beginner.
do you all love to say such nice comments to encourage more people to participating in your lan activities? haha. pyscho-ing me?
still. a fantastic day.
yet.
not really very happy.
dont know why.
but just seems down. a little. the mood. just cant seem to get any better.
feel like getting away.
a trip maybe.
i really need a break. i guess.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
what is my world view?
You scored as Postmodernist.
Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.
Postmodernist 81%
Fundamentalist 69%
Existentialist 56%
Cultural Creative 50%
Idealist 50%
Modernist 44%
Materialist 44%
Romanticist 44%
What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
created with QuizFarm.com
Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.
Postmodernist 81%
Fundamentalist 69%
Existentialist 56%
Cultural Creative 50%
Idealist 50%
Modernist 44%
Materialist 44%
Romanticist 44%
What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
created with QuizFarm.com
Saturday, May 21, 2005
lonely
sigh.
finally i have a saturday that i feel so free.
sigh.
loneliness.
i really wonder.
february i decided to cut down working on saturday.
thought i needed the time off.
to really have a time to myself.
now. i am beginning to think that i have chosen to embrace loneliness.
ever since that very day.
silly right?
and from this week onwards.
i'll stop working.
left only with tutoring.
now beginning to think that i'm only allowing myself more time.
more time to feel lonely.
just now.
ended tuition.
2 hours is all i have to work today.
i can sleep pass the morning.
but once after tuition.
when you are wide awake.
nothing to do.
only then i realised.
how dumb. a choice i made then only to land myself with myself.
yes. beside myself.
that's what i think of being lonely.
sigh.
stupid right?
saw this in a program booklet that ying got back from her school's cultural potpourri.
"everybody had dreams even though we do not always remember them. dreams are reflections of our underlying thoughts and feelings. very often, we are unable to figure out the meaning of our dreams. it is believed that images and symbols in our dreams hold certain meanings, but it is how we interpret them that adds uncertainty to this predictable world of ours."
dont know why but i find this interesting.
i have nvr been able to recall what i dreamt of most of the time.
but yet. i dream a lot.
what they mean. i dont know.
what makes me more uncertain is the fact that i dont understand why i would even dream of certain things.
absurd?
maybe that's the way my life is.
totally absurd.
totally crazy.
totally shitty.
sigh.
sad life.
how much i wish i dont have to embrace loneliness.
how much i wish i can just sleep on. dream on.
and dont have to wake up to feel uncertain simply cos what i dreamt contradicts reality.
how much i wish i didnt exist in the first place.
how much i wish i havent grown up.
how much i wish life is not that complicated.
how much i wish i dont have to look at thought-provoking things and look so deep into things.
how much i wish that i can just disappear from this world.
how much i wish i dont have to move front. cos i want to step back.
just now a thought just flashed across my mind.
the harder you want to forget, the harder you can forget.
true? or is it just a silly thought on my part?
i can be forgetful. i forget so much details in my past 18 years of life.
yet. some things.
no matter how i want to erase them and bury them at the back of my brain,
i cant forget.
sigh.
sad person?
that's me.
finally i have a saturday that i feel so free.
sigh.
loneliness.
i really wonder.
february i decided to cut down working on saturday.
thought i needed the time off.
to really have a time to myself.
now. i am beginning to think that i have chosen to embrace loneliness.
ever since that very day.
silly right?
and from this week onwards.
i'll stop working.
left only with tutoring.
now beginning to think that i'm only allowing myself more time.
more time to feel lonely.
just now.
ended tuition.
2 hours is all i have to work today.
i can sleep pass the morning.
but once after tuition.
when you are wide awake.
nothing to do.
only then i realised.
how dumb. a choice i made then only to land myself with myself.
yes. beside myself.
that's what i think of being lonely.
sigh.
stupid right?
saw this in a program booklet that ying got back from her school's cultural potpourri.
"everybody had dreams even though we do not always remember them. dreams are reflections of our underlying thoughts and feelings. very often, we are unable to figure out the meaning of our dreams. it is believed that images and symbols in our dreams hold certain meanings, but it is how we interpret them that adds uncertainty to this predictable world of ours."
dont know why but i find this interesting.
i have nvr been able to recall what i dreamt of most of the time.
but yet. i dream a lot.
what they mean. i dont know.
what makes me more uncertain is the fact that i dont understand why i would even dream of certain things.
absurd?
maybe that's the way my life is.
totally absurd.
totally crazy.
totally shitty.
sigh.
sad life.
how much i wish i dont have to embrace loneliness.
how much i wish i can just sleep on. dream on.
and dont have to wake up to feel uncertain simply cos what i dreamt contradicts reality.
how much i wish i didnt exist in the first place.
how much i wish i havent grown up.
how much i wish life is not that complicated.
how much i wish i dont have to look at thought-provoking things and look so deep into things.
how much i wish that i can just disappear from this world.
how much i wish i dont have to move front. cos i want to step back.
just now a thought just flashed across my mind.
the harder you want to forget, the harder you can forget.
true? or is it just a silly thought on my part?
i can be forgetful. i forget so much details in my past 18 years of life.
yet. some things.
no matter how i want to erase them and bury them at the back of my brain,
i cant forget.
sigh.
sad person?
that's me.
retard
gosh.
my friday the 13th came later? erm. like by 1 week?
damn. (ok. not again. i use it way too often.)
so next time i shall brand my unlucky day friday the 20th.
how cool.
my unlucky day comes as if it is retarded. like me? maybe.
sigh.
this is what haps.
first. today at work.
i scalded my hand when i accidentally touched a hot part of the warmer.
now my hand has this rather small patch left cos of it.
hope it wouldnt be a permanent scar.
but well. it's not a big deal. small thing also.
but just goes to show how shit it can get when you get unlucky.
i have been working there for years. and yet. such small things can happen?
how crap.
second. when i got home.
dont know for what reason.
i was pulling my front gate open.
and somehow. either cos i was too tired. or it's seriously that freakingly unlucky.
i rammed the gate into my face.
how weird la.
i have been living in this flat since i am born.
and such a dumb thing can happen.
gosh.
i almost wanted to cry.
hurts. crying was cos i whacked near the nose bridge.
kind of the natural reaction to want to tear.
and so the left side of my face was hurting for a few minutes.
crap.
that's not all.
third. i stepped into the toilet to wash my feet.
and then. i almost slipped.
thank goodness i held on to the sides fast enough.
i cant imagine how crap it'll get if i fall. cos i'll most probably hit my head hard.
and.
last. phew. finally the last.
i still end up slipping.
the second time i step into the bathroom.
i slipped and end up sitting on the bathroom floor.
crap la.
it's totally so embarrassing.
but i find it more silly.
cos the second, third and last incident happen like within 15 minutes?
i was telling my mum that i slipped and i couldnt help but giggle like mad.
cos it just seem so silly.
and it just seem so horribly suay i was?
sigh.
but well.
not the whole day was bad.
in fact. if not for those.
i would say today is splendid!
morning went to the chalet with sis.
to settle the catering stuff for her make-up bday celebration.
yea.
and the chalet is super classy.
at least the reception area looked way better than those chalets i have been to.
it's almost like a mini hotel.
woah.
looks like i can really anticipate loads of fun when the day comes.
however the deposit had to be paid in cash.
and we didnt have enough with us.
i ran around the area to find an atm machine.
still ok.
but i think i took some time. cos sis called me to check if i can manage to get an atm machine.
after that. we went walking around white sands.
end up in the library.
omg.
haha. i am becoming a horrible bookworm.
crazy already.
yea. i borrowed one more book. so that makes up 8. i fully utilised ying's and my cards.
completed 3 books already so far.
grins. :)
if i can finish the other 5 by thurs next week i'll really be convinced that i am mad.
yea. worked today. the last friday i'll be working there.
sis went to my workplace to go back with me after work.
we end up going to mc cafe for a drink before heading home.
at first wanted starbucks or coffee bean.
but those places were too crowded.
so end up we went to the alternative.
i had cappucino.
and we had a good talk.
thanks sis. for the coffee treat.
tmr. finally no more guitar prac in the morn. so i can sleep later.
sigh. kind of miss playing it though.
not a good player. but i enjoy indulging in music.
sigh. if only my parents sent me to learn some musical instrument when i was young.
expecting a very relaxing day.
most probably i'll get down to reading again.
yes. AGAIN.
very no life. but well. at least i'm doing something.
my friday the 13th came later? erm. like by 1 week?
damn. (ok. not again. i use it way too often.)
so next time i shall brand my unlucky day friday the 20th.
how cool.
my unlucky day comes as if it is retarded. like me? maybe.
sigh.
this is what haps.
first. today at work.
i scalded my hand when i accidentally touched a hot part of the warmer.
now my hand has this rather small patch left cos of it.
hope it wouldnt be a permanent scar.
but well. it's not a big deal. small thing also.
but just goes to show how shit it can get when you get unlucky.
i have been working there for years. and yet. such small things can happen?
how crap.
second. when i got home.
dont know for what reason.
i was pulling my front gate open.
and somehow. either cos i was too tired. or it's seriously that freakingly unlucky.
i rammed the gate into my face.
how weird la.
i have been living in this flat since i am born.
and such a dumb thing can happen.
gosh.
i almost wanted to cry.
hurts. crying was cos i whacked near the nose bridge.
kind of the natural reaction to want to tear.
and so the left side of my face was hurting for a few minutes.
crap.
that's not all.
third. i stepped into the toilet to wash my feet.
and then. i almost slipped.
thank goodness i held on to the sides fast enough.
i cant imagine how crap it'll get if i fall. cos i'll most probably hit my head hard.
and.
last. phew. finally the last.
i still end up slipping.
the second time i step into the bathroom.
i slipped and end up sitting on the bathroom floor.
crap la.
it's totally so embarrassing.
but i find it more silly.
cos the second, third and last incident happen like within 15 minutes?
i was telling my mum that i slipped and i couldnt help but giggle like mad.
cos it just seem so silly.
and it just seem so horribly suay i was?
sigh.
but well.
not the whole day was bad.
in fact. if not for those.
i would say today is splendid!
morning went to the chalet with sis.
to settle the catering stuff for her make-up bday celebration.
yea.
and the chalet is super classy.
at least the reception area looked way better than those chalets i have been to.
it's almost like a mini hotel.
woah.
looks like i can really anticipate loads of fun when the day comes.
however the deposit had to be paid in cash.
and we didnt have enough with us.
i ran around the area to find an atm machine.
still ok.
but i think i took some time. cos sis called me to check if i can manage to get an atm machine.
after that. we went walking around white sands.
end up in the library.
omg.
haha. i am becoming a horrible bookworm.
crazy already.
yea. i borrowed one more book. so that makes up 8. i fully utilised ying's and my cards.
completed 3 books already so far.
grins. :)
if i can finish the other 5 by thurs next week i'll really be convinced that i am mad.
yea. worked today. the last friday i'll be working there.
sis went to my workplace to go back with me after work.
we end up going to mc cafe for a drink before heading home.
at first wanted starbucks or coffee bean.
but those places were too crowded.
so end up we went to the alternative.
i had cappucino.
and we had a good talk.
thanks sis. for the coffee treat.
tmr. finally no more guitar prac in the morn. so i can sleep later.
sigh. kind of miss playing it though.
not a good player. but i enjoy indulging in music.
sigh. if only my parents sent me to learn some musical instrument when i was young.
expecting a very relaxing day.
most probably i'll get down to reading again.
yes. AGAIN.
very no life. but well. at least i'm doing something.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
bleh. sobs. argh.
damn damn damn.
haha. i am cursing again.
haha. how uncivilised.
who cares.
haha.
damn damn damn.
ok i got rejected.
so off i go to my second choice course for uni.
argh.
it wasnt an outright rejection.
they simply offered me my second choice for nus.
sigh. obvious enough. my first choice didnt get through.
dont know whether i should laugh or cry.
really.
i already expected it somehow.
when you go through all those shit. kind of expected that you cant get miracles out of shit.
haha.
hmmm. ntu bound i guess.
still have yet to accept them.
haha. i better dont procrastinate that too.
or else i will end up school-less.
and i will really cry and cry.
bleh.
rather disappointed. but well. even if they accept me i would be so blur about what to do also.
i might not handle it too.
so. let it be. :)
today was supposed to go out with ps.
but girl. you ffk me. (that's not a bad word ok... my friend teach me one. put me aeroplane in canto. shortened that's all. i am NOT cursing again hor...)
yea. so end up. i slept like pig.
aw crap.
i woke up so damn late.
simply cos i stayed up rather late last night.
haha.
last ep of full metal alchemist last night on scv. i watched and i actually cried over an anime.
how silly is that?
ok. i am highly unstable.
yea. i didnt really know it was the last ep. i missed out so much eps. gonna catch them back.
haha.
then. i off-ed all the lights.
watch identity alone in my dark living room.
waaaaa. haha. i know how to create atmosphere leh.
end up i was jumping at some point in the show cos it can get really shocking at times.
haha. how stupid right?
i did all those to make myself scared.
bleh.
end up sleeping late. then woke up late lor.
after that went library.
cos i successfully finished my 4 books that i borrowed a week ago.
today i borrowed 7.
thanks to ying's library card.
i can borrow more.
then at the library. lucky me.
i found the last 2 books of the celestial zone.
the ones that i missed out simply cos i graduated from sec 4 and cant borrow from jeff anymore.
found it and i sat there reading comics.
haha.
cool.
finally i read it to the end.
and i simply love xing ling.
haha. the character. ok. i am mad.
after that got home.
and i just finished one of the seven books i borrowed.
think i should be able to get one more down later.
i am going mad over books i think.
sigh. nothing to do.
so i indulge in books.
hehe.
most prob off to jog later.
was contemplating jogging in the rain just now.
but well.
the way i put things off.
the rain is about to stop.
so yea. i gonna try to drag myself to track later.
bleh.
thursday thursday.
it's yet another week.
"what if every choice we ever make was already made for us? what if there really were no coincidences in life and our destinies were already predestined?"
took this from the back of that vcd casing for the movie identity.
food for thought?
haha. i am cursing again.
haha. how uncivilised.
who cares.
haha.
damn damn damn.
ok i got rejected.
so off i go to my second choice course for uni.
argh.
it wasnt an outright rejection.
they simply offered me my second choice for nus.
sigh. obvious enough. my first choice didnt get through.
dont know whether i should laugh or cry.
really.
i already expected it somehow.
when you go through all those shit. kind of expected that you cant get miracles out of shit.
haha.
hmmm. ntu bound i guess.
still have yet to accept them.
haha. i better dont procrastinate that too.
or else i will end up school-less.
and i will really cry and cry.
bleh.
rather disappointed. but well. even if they accept me i would be so blur about what to do also.
i might not handle it too.
so. let it be. :)
today was supposed to go out with ps.
but girl. you ffk me. (that's not a bad word ok... my friend teach me one. put me aeroplane in canto. shortened that's all. i am NOT cursing again hor...)
yea. so end up. i slept like pig.
aw crap.
i woke up so damn late.
simply cos i stayed up rather late last night.
haha.
last ep of full metal alchemist last night on scv. i watched and i actually cried over an anime.
how silly is that?
ok. i am highly unstable.
yea. i didnt really know it was the last ep. i missed out so much eps. gonna catch them back.
haha.
then. i off-ed all the lights.
watch identity alone in my dark living room.
waaaaa. haha. i know how to create atmosphere leh.
end up i was jumping at some point in the show cos it can get really shocking at times.
haha. how stupid right?
i did all those to make myself scared.
bleh.
end up sleeping late. then woke up late lor.
after that went library.
cos i successfully finished my 4 books that i borrowed a week ago.
today i borrowed 7.
thanks to ying's library card.
i can borrow more.
then at the library. lucky me.
i found the last 2 books of the celestial zone.
the ones that i missed out simply cos i graduated from sec 4 and cant borrow from jeff anymore.
found it and i sat there reading comics.
haha.
cool.
finally i read it to the end.
and i simply love xing ling.
haha. the character. ok. i am mad.
after that got home.
and i just finished one of the seven books i borrowed.
think i should be able to get one more down later.
i am going mad over books i think.
sigh. nothing to do.
so i indulge in books.
hehe.
most prob off to jog later.
was contemplating jogging in the rain just now.
but well.
the way i put things off.
the rain is about to stop.
so yea. i gonna try to drag myself to track later.
bleh.
thursday thursday.
it's yet another week.
"what if every choice we ever make was already made for us? what if there really were no coincidences in life and our destinies were already predestined?"
took this from the back of that vcd casing for the movie identity.
food for thought?
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
so tuesday
my comp is a going a little bonkers these days.
like owner like computer.
just as i am about to feel like i am going crazy. it is following it's crazy owner.
at times it just totally screws up on me.
well.
not that i can do anything about it.
sry dude. computers arent what i know inside out.
so yesterday night instead of the usual online-ing.
i read a book.
yeaps.
i finished yet another book.
i just went to the library last thursday and got myself 4 books.
now i have already completed 3.
it's a miracle. a personal record.
i havent done something like that for years.
maybe when i was a kid i manage to conquer 4 picture books in a day. haha.
maybe. i cant really remember.
today. woke up and was anticipating going for a swim with ps.
sigh.
damn. the weather is playing tricks on me.
happily changed and walked all the way to ps' place.
then the sky turned darker.
then when i was approaching her block. the wind was blowing like mad.
the next moment was. i felt drops of rain.
then. reached her flat. was telling her it is raining.
then got into her room and sat down.
hoping that it'll just pass.
end up.
splish splash. we even had to close the windows.
aw crap.
there goes our plans.
seriously. this is ultimately crazy and totally spoiler.
aw man. i dying to do sthg. i desperately need to work out a little.
before i totally go crazy about being so unhealthy and fat.
arghhhhhhhhh. damn damn damn. (ok, i say this a lot of time these days.)
end up. since we cant do sports? we watch sports!
cool.
end up being a couch potato.
munching on biscuits and snacks in sight. how shit this is.
watched wimbledon.
tennis. haha. i want to play. i need my buddy to teach me. haha.
i only know a little.
rather nice and sweet show.
interesting way. rather humurous when you can really catch the words.
after that we were like. what can we do?
end up watching disc 1 of identity.
haha.
i borrowed the disc from her.
intend to watch it tmr.
gonna off all the lights and watch it alone in the living room and pray that i dont get totally freaked out.
haha.
the thrill of it.
see? i told you i am going mad.
maybe i have 7 split personalities too. how interesting.
haha.
after that got home. got ready to go all the way to school.
bishan. aw man. 2nd time this week i am travelling through the east-west mrt line to raffles place and changing to the north-south line to bishan.
tmr gonna be the 3rd time but this time to ang mo kio.
can i just dont waste my life on the mrt?
anyway.
concert day today.
finally. the day that we have been working hard for.
everyone put in effort and those seniors although i dont know them really well.
they have been nice people to work with.
patient. funny.
simply nice.
so yea. we practised. had dinner together again. twice this week.
and it's really enjoyable.
and the concert.
i must say i feel happy. it isnt really our concert anymore. cos we are alumni.
and we play a really small role.
but i was really happy.
the juniors played so well.
even i myself hope i can be that good too.
yea. and our alumni performance.
of course we are good. haha.
i felt more confident somehow on stage.
was playing louder than usual.
really. and surprisingly. confidence can do wonders.
haha. i didnt play much wrong notes.
of course not perfect but well. it was so much better.
thanks sarah for the one and only rose. haha.
it's really lovely.
didnt quite expect gifts cos afterall we arent the star of the concert. haha.
:) thanks anyway. it's was really sweet.
now kind of worn out after a whole day.
just wanted to blog about today's stuff before i sleep.
cos i dont feel like i'll online tmr.
haha. lazy me.
yea. and i am off to finish reading my 4th book.
[beams with pride]
haha. i can go library again to borrow soon le.
but i need the time to.
packed for this week again. maybe saturday.
like owner like computer.
just as i am about to feel like i am going crazy. it is following it's crazy owner.
at times it just totally screws up on me.
well.
not that i can do anything about it.
sry dude. computers arent what i know inside out.
so yesterday night instead of the usual online-ing.
i read a book.
yeaps.
i finished yet another book.
i just went to the library last thursday and got myself 4 books.
now i have already completed 3.
it's a miracle. a personal record.
i havent done something like that for years.
maybe when i was a kid i manage to conquer 4 picture books in a day. haha.
maybe. i cant really remember.
today. woke up and was anticipating going for a swim with ps.
sigh.
damn. the weather is playing tricks on me.
happily changed and walked all the way to ps' place.
then the sky turned darker.
then when i was approaching her block. the wind was blowing like mad.
the next moment was. i felt drops of rain.
then. reached her flat. was telling her it is raining.
then got into her room and sat down.
hoping that it'll just pass.
end up.
splish splash. we even had to close the windows.
aw crap.
there goes our plans.
seriously. this is ultimately crazy and totally spoiler.
aw man. i dying to do sthg. i desperately need to work out a little.
before i totally go crazy about being so unhealthy and fat.
arghhhhhhhhh. damn damn damn. (ok, i say this a lot of time these days.)
end up. since we cant do sports? we watch sports!
cool.
end up being a couch potato.
munching on biscuits and snacks in sight. how shit this is.
watched wimbledon.
tennis. haha. i want to play. i need my buddy to teach me. haha.
i only know a little.
rather nice and sweet show.
interesting way. rather humurous when you can really catch the words.
after that we were like. what can we do?
end up watching disc 1 of identity.
haha.
i borrowed the disc from her.
intend to watch it tmr.
gonna off all the lights and watch it alone in the living room and pray that i dont get totally freaked out.
haha.
the thrill of it.
see? i told you i am going mad.
maybe i have 7 split personalities too. how interesting.
haha.
after that got home. got ready to go all the way to school.
bishan. aw man. 2nd time this week i am travelling through the east-west mrt line to raffles place and changing to the north-south line to bishan.
tmr gonna be the 3rd time but this time to ang mo kio.
can i just dont waste my life on the mrt?
anyway.
concert day today.
finally. the day that we have been working hard for.
everyone put in effort and those seniors although i dont know them really well.
they have been nice people to work with.
patient. funny.
simply nice.
so yea. we practised. had dinner together again. twice this week.
and it's really enjoyable.
and the concert.
i must say i feel happy. it isnt really our concert anymore. cos we are alumni.
and we play a really small role.
but i was really happy.
the juniors played so well.
even i myself hope i can be that good too.
yea. and our alumni performance.
of course we are good. haha.
i felt more confident somehow on stage.
was playing louder than usual.
really. and surprisingly. confidence can do wonders.
haha. i didnt play much wrong notes.
of course not perfect but well. it was so much better.
thanks sarah for the one and only rose. haha.
it's really lovely.
didnt quite expect gifts cos afterall we arent the star of the concert. haha.
:) thanks anyway. it's was really sweet.
now kind of worn out after a whole day.
just wanted to blog about today's stuff before i sleep.
cos i dont feel like i'll online tmr.
haha. lazy me.
yea. and i am off to finish reading my 4th book.
[beams with pride]
haha. i can go library again to borrow soon le.
but i need the time to.
packed for this week again. maybe saturday.
the keys to my heart
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
saw this test thing on my sis' blog. took it for fun.
how true? i wonder.
if true, that makes me kind of despo now?!?! haha. goodness.
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
saw this test thing on my sis' blog. took it for fun.
how true? i wonder.
if true, that makes me kind of despo now?!?! haha. goodness.
Monday, May 16, 2005
not me
ying was commenting how lately i am becoming very not me.
i am beginning to think so too.
how sad.
really.
i hate the me now.
sigh.
useless.
becoming more brainless.
becoming more dumb.
really.
sigh.
and i seriously am whining a lot.
argh. damn it.
even myself is wondering who is the real me.
life really gets complicated when you least want it to.
sigh.
maybe the time that i have now should be spent more on self-reflection.
really need to look into things and get back to my senses.
crushed. bing. bang. biang.
what rubbish did i crash myself into?
sigh. me me me? where are you?
how silly. i am going mad i think. soon. just a matter of time.
can i turn back time?
i want to find back the me.
i am beginning to think so too.
how sad.
really.
i hate the me now.
sigh.
useless.
becoming more brainless.
becoming more dumb.
really.
sigh.
and i seriously am whining a lot.
argh. damn it.
even myself is wondering who is the real me.
life really gets complicated when you least want it to.
sigh.
maybe the time that i have now should be spent more on self-reflection.
really need to look into things and get back to my senses.
crushed. bing. bang. biang.
what rubbish did i crash myself into?
sigh. me me me? where are you?
how silly. i am going mad i think. soon. just a matter of time.
can i turn back time?
i want to find back the me.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
weekend.
yet another week.
when weekend comes. you realise time passes. yet again.
today. had a busy day.
had guitar prac in the morning.
concert is coming. in a few day's time.
i am rather excited.
these few weeks. have been working with the alumni people.
now a j3. worked with fellow j3 people. some j4s and j5s. indeed we put in effort to practise.
even i myself feel so happy when i make small progress.
hopefully, i will just be ready for concert on tuesday.
monday will be rehearsal and yea. i gonna have to find out what the concert attire is.
as usual. i am blur. so gonna have to check it out asap before i totally dont know what goes on.
looking forward to tuesday.
fruits of labour? i certainly hope so.
after that tuition. normal.
my student didnt do very well. but sigh.
i tried to do what i can.
gonna have to make her do better for end year before her mum gets displeased.
after that chiong down to ang mo kio.
tutored again.
prepared her for maths exam.
i pray hard that she does well.
seriously i am worried too.
i want her to do well.
cos that would mean i have taught well too.
maths. i usually have to teach her till i almost vomit blood.
please man. i gonna get pass this hurdle.
after that cab now to zx's place.
super nice condo that he's got.
sigh. i want to be rich too.
anyway. had a gathering with class people.
fun. yea. ate nice food. supposed to be potluck but i didnt contribute anything.
haha. i contributed my stomach. haha. cos came straight from tuition mah.
not my fault ok. i also want to cook.
so long since i ever went near the stove. haha.
my laziness forever gets better of me.
then some of the girls went to the poolside and chat.
really cool.
wonder what's the next time we'll have chances to do so already.
those going overseas will set off in months' time.
gonna have to start making plans for myself.
haha.
i am thinking of saving up loads of money.
then i'll go visit those who are studying overseas.
london, new york.
i want to go and cram with them in the hostel and spend some time there shopping with the girls.
gonna seem fun.
but well. have to set my budget plan soon. or else i wont be able to do that.
yea. then took a group photo.
taitik's gonna set off for hk soon. all the best! mr nice guy. our class must really plan to meet up.
one fine day.
the six a people will meet.
at some part of this whole wide world.
at some point in time.
my dream. i want to make it big.
really. earn big bucks.
haha. who doesnt.
i want to earn a lot.
then i'll pay for everyone's air tix. just to make it a good gathering.
what's money if it cant buy me the joy.
i want to earn a lot.
to pay back those people who has given in my life so much things without having me to ask for.
those who loved me and those i loved.
i dont mind being a workaholic for the next 10 years in my life.
if it means i can earn a lot by working hell out. i will.
for the joy. i will.
yeaps.
may my dream come true.
wishes. do they come true if you wish hard enough?
when weekend comes. you realise time passes. yet again.
today. had a busy day.
had guitar prac in the morning.
concert is coming. in a few day's time.
i am rather excited.
these few weeks. have been working with the alumni people.
now a j3. worked with fellow j3 people. some j4s and j5s. indeed we put in effort to practise.
even i myself feel so happy when i make small progress.
hopefully, i will just be ready for concert on tuesday.
monday will be rehearsal and yea. i gonna have to find out what the concert attire is.
as usual. i am blur. so gonna have to check it out asap before i totally dont know what goes on.
looking forward to tuesday.
fruits of labour? i certainly hope so.
after that tuition. normal.
my student didnt do very well. but sigh.
i tried to do what i can.
gonna have to make her do better for end year before her mum gets displeased.
after that chiong down to ang mo kio.
tutored again.
prepared her for maths exam.
i pray hard that she does well.
seriously i am worried too.
i want her to do well.
cos that would mean i have taught well too.
maths. i usually have to teach her till i almost vomit blood.
please man. i gonna get pass this hurdle.
after that cab now to zx's place.
super nice condo that he's got.
sigh. i want to be rich too.
anyway. had a gathering with class people.
fun. yea. ate nice food. supposed to be potluck but i didnt contribute anything.
haha. i contributed my stomach. haha. cos came straight from tuition mah.
not my fault ok. i also want to cook.
so long since i ever went near the stove. haha.
my laziness forever gets better of me.
then some of the girls went to the poolside and chat.
really cool.
wonder what's the next time we'll have chances to do so already.
those going overseas will set off in months' time.
gonna have to start making plans for myself.
haha.
i am thinking of saving up loads of money.
then i'll go visit those who are studying overseas.
london, new york.
i want to go and cram with them in the hostel and spend some time there shopping with the girls.
gonna seem fun.
but well. have to set my budget plan soon. or else i wont be able to do that.
yea. then took a group photo.
taitik's gonna set off for hk soon. all the best! mr nice guy. our class must really plan to meet up.
one fine day.
the six a people will meet.
at some part of this whole wide world.
at some point in time.
my dream. i want to make it big.
really. earn big bucks.
haha. who doesnt.
i want to earn a lot.
then i'll pay for everyone's air tix. just to make it a good gathering.
what's money if it cant buy me the joy.
i want to earn a lot.
to pay back those people who has given in my life so much things without having me to ask for.
those who loved me and those i loved.
i dont mind being a workaholic for the next 10 years in my life.
if it means i can earn a lot by working hell out. i will.
for the joy. i will.
yeaps.
may my dream come true.
wishes. do they come true if you wish hard enough?
Saturday, May 14, 2005
aw crap
cant really think of what to say.
dont really have much stuff going on today.
sigh. boring life. kind of usual that i cant find things to say.
well. worked today.
a fellow colleague was commenting that i look as if i am kind of scared of my mum.
haha. i work with my mum that is.
and his comments really made me very stumped.
haha. i have never seen it that way. i never realised that i appeared like that.
how interesting. i was wondering. do i really look like i am that scared?
haha. that would be how funny.
no doubt i listen to my mum. i try to do things that wont cause her to be displeased.
but i am definitely not scared in a sense la.
goodness. she's my mum.
and i've got my fair share of attitude.
like just moments ago. i screamed at her for nagging like mad right in the middle of the night.
complaining about housework and how i am such a lazy bum and not helping much.
i was like. ya. go on. go on. stop nagging on such silly things everyday.
i hate it when she goes on and on. although what she says may be true.
seriously. i am damn lazy. i raise both hands to agree on what she says.
i really think i am. that's why i study so hard. haha. so that i can earn big bucks.
gonna hire maids. gonna hire chauffeurs.
sigh. hopeless? maybe. i think i am.
anyway. i successfully completed another book today. haha.
one book a day. how nice.
aw damn. i am such a mugger. haha.
bookworm zhien. zhien bookworm. lalala.
really. sit down and read and i find myself indulging in the story plot.
well. tmr most prob wont have the chance to slowly enjoy and finish another book.
packed fully for tmr. sigh. weekends should be used to play yet mine is packed until i can hardly find breathing space.
super duper busy zhien gonna get to work tmr!
let's have a rough idea of my schedule. let me rant a little here.
guitar prac in the morning. gonna have to wake up early. prac till 12 plus. concert in few days' time! gonna ganbatte!
after that rush home to tutor for 2 hours from 2 to 4.
after that head for ang mo kio to tutor for 2 hours from 5 to 7. time in between 4 and 5 used for travelling. sigh. gonna sleep on train and indulge in songs. hehe.
after that most prob either cab down to zx's place or take my own sweet time. haha. class gathering. i gonna be super late. they start playing. i start tutoring so how late can i be? count.
haha. but well. zhien here is all set to make my saturday as fulfilling as i can!
dont really have much stuff going on today.
sigh. boring life. kind of usual that i cant find things to say.
well. worked today.
a fellow colleague was commenting that i look as if i am kind of scared of my mum.
haha. i work with my mum that is.
and his comments really made me very stumped.
haha. i have never seen it that way. i never realised that i appeared like that.
how interesting. i was wondering. do i really look like i am that scared?
haha. that would be how funny.
no doubt i listen to my mum. i try to do things that wont cause her to be displeased.
but i am definitely not scared in a sense la.
goodness. she's my mum.
and i've got my fair share of attitude.
like just moments ago. i screamed at her for nagging like mad right in the middle of the night.
complaining about housework and how i am such a lazy bum and not helping much.
i was like. ya. go on. go on. stop nagging on such silly things everyday.
i hate it when she goes on and on. although what she says may be true.
seriously. i am damn lazy. i raise both hands to agree on what she says.
i really think i am. that's why i study so hard. haha. so that i can earn big bucks.
gonna hire maids. gonna hire chauffeurs.
sigh. hopeless? maybe. i think i am.
anyway. i successfully completed another book today. haha.
one book a day. how nice.
aw damn. i am such a mugger. haha.
bookworm zhien. zhien bookworm. lalala.
really. sit down and read and i find myself indulging in the story plot.
well. tmr most prob wont have the chance to slowly enjoy and finish another book.
packed fully for tmr. sigh. weekends should be used to play yet mine is packed until i can hardly find breathing space.
super duper busy zhien gonna get to work tmr!
let's have a rough idea of my schedule. let me rant a little here.
guitar prac in the morning. gonna have to wake up early. prac till 12 plus. concert in few days' time! gonna ganbatte!
after that rush home to tutor for 2 hours from 2 to 4.
after that head for ang mo kio to tutor for 2 hours from 5 to 7. time in between 4 and 5 used for travelling. sigh. gonna sleep on train and indulge in songs. hehe.
after that most prob either cab down to zx's place or take my own sweet time. haha. class gathering. i gonna be super late. they start playing. i start tutoring so how late can i be? count.
haha. but well. zhien here is all set to make my saturday as fulfilling as i can!
Friday, May 13, 2005
purple-licious
haha. wonder why but i am falling in love with purple.
light purple.
haha. becoming gay? i certainly dont hope so.
haha. but yea. i am beginning to think that light purple stuff can be rather nice looking.
today was out shopping with ps and i was practically screaming at any nice looking things that's light purple in colour.
sorry girl for having to put up with my crazy antics.
yes. and so now i am so in love with a light purple bag that we saw at one nike store.
so in love with light purple shoes. wanting to get sthg from converse. sneakers. but sigh. they dont have it.
today was rather great. went to bugis.
walked around and didnt get stuff.
took neoprint too. haha. 2 turning 19 girls acting cute. lol.
i spent practically on food that's all.
look at those pics.
haha. we had lunch at pasta mania.
mushroom soup. comes with combo a that ps got. nice.
garlic bread. came with my combo c. haha. was telling ps there's room for improvement for their garlic bread. haha.
country baked pasta. haha. i had it with fusilli. and i concluded that i prefer baked pasta at nydc. haha. goodness i splurge crazily on food.
light purple.
haha. becoming gay? i certainly dont hope so.
haha. but yea. i am beginning to think that light purple stuff can be rather nice looking.
today was out shopping with ps and i was practically screaming at any nice looking things that's light purple in colour.
sorry girl for having to put up with my crazy antics.
yes. and so now i am so in love with a light purple bag that we saw at one nike store.
so in love with light purple shoes. wanting to get sthg from converse. sneakers. but sigh. they dont have it.
today was rather great. went to bugis.
walked around and didnt get stuff.
took neoprint too. haha. 2 turning 19 girls acting cute. lol.
i spent practically on food that's all.
look at those pics.
haha. we had lunch at pasta mania.
this is some free notebook that they gave when we bought our lunch from there. cute!
mushroom soup. comes with combo a that ps got. nice.
garlic bread. came with my combo c. haha. was telling ps there's room for improvement for their garlic bread. haha.
carbonara. what ps had. i tried it too. haha. greedy me. i pick food from her. rather nice. but it's better to share it. cos can get sick of the creamy taste after a while according to ps.
country baked pasta. haha. i had it with fusilli. and i concluded that i prefer baked pasta at nydc. haha. goodness i splurge crazily on food.
bleh. we also had banana dessert pizza too. nice nice nice. first time i tried it. really cool.
but sigh. now then i remember that i didnt take a pic.
so it's now in our stomachs. no pics for that nice droolicious food.
we went into this super interesting shoe shop at parco also. haha. very fun.
at the counter there's a poem that goes...
"Blue skies and puffy clouds,
Cooing birds in lucious grass.
Sighing wind in wavy palms,
Luna o'er a twilight beach.
Slip into a happy dream,
A skip, a step and a smile away."
and their shopping bag goes "i got carried away"
cool.
then after that went back. took bus. and ps got off first for work.
i went library. haha. silly blockhead bookworm me.
haha. borrowed 4 books.
and just finished one during the time i got home and before i online.
3 more to go to last me for the next few days.
saw so many novels that i want to borrow. but well. max is 4. so i have to learn to be content.
beams.
today is good. :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
mess
life's in a mess.
totally thinking what the hell is wrong with me these days.
really. life's in a mess i really wonder.
although nothing much is going on.
but it's way too aimless.
sorry. i need some goal to head for. even if it means schooling.
really.
i must say i am some successful product of this whole singapore's education system.
i am made a blockhead.
seriously. there isnt much that i know of except studying.
what the hell is wrong. me?
maybe. aw damn it.
today started off fine. laze around and ya woke up.
in some weird manner, i set my alarm to give myself around 8 hours of sleep these days.
and yet, i would wake up like before my alarm rings.
how wonderful.
i'm all ready for school? crazy.
slacked around and helped sis unpack cos her luggage is found and delivered it to our doorstep.
then got ready for tuition.
then it's just another wednesday.
got home. slacked around again.
finally got down to jogging after missing it for last week and also yesterday.
sigh. useless man. argh.
just finished packing up my study area. it's still kind of messy but it's much better.
mess? yes. everything is in a mess.
freaks.
argh. i am beginning to get easily pissed off at things.
mood swings coming back.
bleh.
totally thinking what the hell is wrong with me these days.
really. life's in a mess i really wonder.
although nothing much is going on.
but it's way too aimless.
sorry. i need some goal to head for. even if it means schooling.
really.
i must say i am some successful product of this whole singapore's education system.
i am made a blockhead.
seriously. there isnt much that i know of except studying.
what the hell is wrong. me?
maybe. aw damn it.
today started off fine. laze around and ya woke up.
in some weird manner, i set my alarm to give myself around 8 hours of sleep these days.
and yet, i would wake up like before my alarm rings.
how wonderful.
i'm all ready for school? crazy.
slacked around and helped sis unpack cos her luggage is found and delivered it to our doorstep.
then got ready for tuition.
then it's just another wednesday.
got home. slacked around again.
finally got down to jogging after missing it for last week and also yesterday.
sigh. useless man. argh.
just finished packing up my study area. it's still kind of messy but it's much better.
mess? yes. everything is in a mess.
freaks.
argh. i am beginning to get easily pissed off at things.
mood swings coming back.
bleh.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
never good enough
good is never good enough?
was scanning through my junior's blog. some mention about syf.
now that there's gold with honours as a new glory for really good performing arts group, dont you think it seems as if people will nvr be satisfied with just a good?
hmm. greed? i wouldnt say so.
i am the kind that often thinks that things can never be good enough.
i feel the way about myself. i am no pretty girl that's for sure.
my sis says i aint that bad.
but i'll go. it's just not bad. it still isnt good. but i ask myself. even if it's good. would i ever see it as good enough?
enough of that.
today was a so-so day.
went kbox with sis today. with ps too.
one comment. kbox is super cold.
their aircon is switched on as if electricity bills are how cheap.
after that went lunch with sis at funan.
then after that got home. so lazy that i fell asleep.
after that ps came over for dinner. :)
rather simple day. which is good. yea. but just not good enough?
was scanning through my junior's blog. some mention about syf.
now that there's gold with honours as a new glory for really good performing arts group, dont you think it seems as if people will nvr be satisfied with just a good?
hmm. greed? i wouldnt say so.
i am the kind that often thinks that things can never be good enough.
i feel the way about myself. i am no pretty girl that's for sure.
my sis says i aint that bad.
but i'll go. it's just not bad. it still isnt good. but i ask myself. even if it's good. would i ever see it as good enough?
enough of that.
today was a so-so day.
went kbox with sis today. with ps too.
one comment. kbox is super cold.
their aircon is switched on as if electricity bills are how cheap.
after that went lunch with sis at funan.
then after that got home. so lazy that i fell asleep.
after that ps came over for dinner. :)
rather simple day. which is good. yea. but just not good enough?
Monday, May 09, 2005
changi
yes. back.
i spent the night in changi airport. oh our wonderful changi airport.
haha. it is indeed very quiet at the airport at night.
except maybe i was unlucky la.
the gang of us basically just made ourselves comfortable in burger king.
and just nearby they were drilling something to do carpeting or sthg.
sigh. noise. well, i've got my discman to block out unpleasant sounds.
yea. i stayed awake. all the way. completed reading my book. like finally. gosh.
now i am like a zombie.
just now went around with sis. went to pay respects to daddy.
after that decided to go grandma's house. uncle fetched us around and on the car i was practically dozing off within seconds.
sis was talking to uncle about her experience there and yea. i have no comments.
so i stone.
and i start to doze off.
the thing about not sleeping the whole night. you feel like sleeping anytime in the day after that.
was at grandma's house and i just sat at the sofa. one seater. and i sat and slept.
really fell asleep in the living room.
slept for around an hour or so. gosh. so tired.
now much better. cos i just took a bath.
hopefully that'll help me survive tuition.
plans made for tonight.
dinner with sis.
well. nice adventure at the airport.
seriously not all the places are 24 hours. hardly any that i see around that was open when we were there. and cos i was reading i didnt quite bother to walk around to explore much.
took some crazy pics of our campsite. which is the burger king at terminal 2. haha.
the me now is almost not in the mood for anything. :)
still i can only say i am glad sis is back. although her luggage isnt. crap. something cropped up. i seriously hope the airport can get the luggage back. cos my gifts are there. haha. ok i am bad. but well. her property is there! need to get them back still. screwed up airline.
now, i am like kind of feeling bad bad bad.
having a bad cough. wonder what hap.
at times the throat feels irritated and i'll cough non-stop. tb? choy. haha. i dont cough blood.
just i hate the feeling. sigh sigh sigh.
strepsils isnt working as yet. and yea. i thinking of getting pi pa gao. but. sigh. walking all the way to ghim moh to get them isnt the thing i feel like doing now. shag. sick.
bleh.
see the pics below.
i spent the night in changi airport. oh our wonderful changi airport.
haha. it is indeed very quiet at the airport at night.
except maybe i was unlucky la.
the gang of us basically just made ourselves comfortable in burger king.
and just nearby they were drilling something to do carpeting or sthg.
sigh. noise. well, i've got my discman to block out unpleasant sounds.
yea. i stayed awake. all the way. completed reading my book. like finally. gosh.
now i am like a zombie.
just now went around with sis. went to pay respects to daddy.
after that decided to go grandma's house. uncle fetched us around and on the car i was practically dozing off within seconds.
sis was talking to uncle about her experience there and yea. i have no comments.
so i stone.
and i start to doze off.
the thing about not sleeping the whole night. you feel like sleeping anytime in the day after that.
was at grandma's house and i just sat at the sofa. one seater. and i sat and slept.
really fell asleep in the living room.
slept for around an hour or so. gosh. so tired.
now much better. cos i just took a bath.
hopefully that'll help me survive tuition.
plans made for tonight.
dinner with sis.
well. nice adventure at the airport.
seriously not all the places are 24 hours. hardly any that i see around that was open when we were there. and cos i was reading i didnt quite bother to walk around to explore much.
took some crazy pics of our campsite. which is the burger king at terminal 2. haha.
the me now is almost not in the mood for anything. :)
still i can only say i am glad sis is back. although her luggage isnt. crap. something cropped up. i seriously hope the airport can get the luggage back. cos my gifts are there. haha. ok i am bad. but well. her property is there! need to get them back still. screwed up airline.
now, i am like kind of feeling bad bad bad.
having a bad cough. wonder what hap.
at times the throat feels irritated and i'll cough non-stop. tb? choy. haha. i dont cough blood.
just i hate the feeling. sigh sigh sigh.
strepsils isnt working as yet. and yea. i thinking of getting pi pa gao. but. sigh. walking all the way to ghim moh to get them isnt the thing i feel like doing now. shag. sick.
bleh.
see the pics below.
the book that i read. it kept me awake ok...
examples of the things i lug from work to the airport.
the things that we laid out on the table. snacks. bleh. a rather empty campsite. cos i finished the sweets.
the very empty bk at about 4 am in the morn.
my "camp"-mates.
the changi airport mrt station...
Sunday, May 08, 2005
carefree
ever thought what it is gonna be like to really be relaxed, carefree?
sigh. i'm hoping for that day to come soon.
this morn woke up early to go for guitar prac.
after half a year not wearing school uniform. i finally put on the rj uniforma today.
cos practice was in new rj campus. haha.
so damn funny. cos i was the only alumni that actually did that.
heck la.
for the fun of it. i cant be bothered le. at least i dont really have to worry that my outfit is a mismatch. a school u is a school u. no one will laugh no matter how hideous it looks.
after that tutored again.
after that rested a while.
went my grandma's place. celebrated mother's day in advance since tmr i'll be working and my mum too.
sigh. tough life maybe.
but well. sis is coming back.
omg. i so cant wait.
tmr i'll be camping at the airport!
since sis is coming back on a super early morning flight.
going down to the airport after work and then staying there overnight until i see sis.
haha. how very cool.
i hope i can take it. and i hope it seriously gonna be fun!
nothing much else. i am trying to enjoy while i can.
sigh. i'm hoping for that day to come soon.
this morn woke up early to go for guitar prac.
after half a year not wearing school uniform. i finally put on the rj uniforma today.
cos practice was in new rj campus. haha.
so damn funny. cos i was the only alumni that actually did that.
heck la.
for the fun of it. i cant be bothered le. at least i dont really have to worry that my outfit is a mismatch. a school u is a school u. no one will laugh no matter how hideous it looks.
after that tutored again.
after that rested a while.
went my grandma's place. celebrated mother's day in advance since tmr i'll be working and my mum too.
sigh. tough life maybe.
but well. sis is coming back.
omg. i so cant wait.
tmr i'll be camping at the airport!
since sis is coming back on a super early morning flight.
going down to the airport after work and then staying there overnight until i see sis.
haha. how very cool.
i hope i can take it. and i hope it seriously gonna be fun!
nothing much else. i am trying to enjoy while i can.
Friday, May 06, 2005
crazy bore
crazy and boring day for me today.
nothing much.
thursdays are usually slack.
tutored zc today.
went there at 3 then was asked by the mother if i have any time free before his exam on monday for additional classes.
then i was telling her how crazy my time slots are.
end up. she asked to extend today's class. such that there's 2 sessions in one day.
crazy? you bet. it is.
haha. so i tutored him for 1.5 hours.
given time to break.
so i went to his place at 7 again. tutored him for another 1.5 hours. poor boy man.
but well.
he doesnt seem to have any objection to his mum's plan. why should i?
sigh.
so today i did nothing much. except tutoring. one child.
practised my guitar for a while. hopefully i am ready enough to play nicely with the group.
sigh.
i am becoming increasingly disillusioned. can i have a light to guide my way out?
nothing much.
thursdays are usually slack.
tutored zc today.
went there at 3 then was asked by the mother if i have any time free before his exam on monday for additional classes.
then i was telling her how crazy my time slots are.
end up. she asked to extend today's class. such that there's 2 sessions in one day.
crazy? you bet. it is.
haha. so i tutored him for 1.5 hours.
given time to break.
so i went to his place at 7 again. tutored him for another 1.5 hours. poor boy man.
but well.
he doesnt seem to have any objection to his mum's plan. why should i?
sigh.
so today i did nothing much. except tutoring. one child.
practised my guitar for a while. hopefully i am ready enough to play nicely with the group.
sigh.
i am becoming increasingly disillusioned. can i have a light to guide my way out?
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
argh
woke up with a splitting headache this morning. crap.
my head feels so heavy.
and at times can have this stingy feeling at the back of the head. crap.
now it's still a little bad. but much better.
also had a sore throat.
now my throat hurts every time i swallow.
almost didnt have the appetite to eat much.
still went for tuition.
almost felt like puking while teaching. damn it.
really falling sick.
it's a bad bad bad feeling.
feel horrible the whole day.
good thing is one student cancelled tuition. so i get to go back home early.
went down to jp and bought my swimsuit after tutoring.
so spent money again.
stupid mrt so crowded. already feel very sick already still have to pack with people in the mrt.
sigh.
got home and just slept.
hoping the headache will go.
but well. it's still here. it's still bugging me.
just hope i'll be better tmr.
sigh.
first time i really feel sick and weak. terrible.
bleh.
my head feels so heavy.
and at times can have this stingy feeling at the back of the head. crap.
now it's still a little bad. but much better.
also had a sore throat.
now my throat hurts every time i swallow.
almost didnt have the appetite to eat much.
still went for tuition.
almost felt like puking while teaching. damn it.
really falling sick.
it's a bad bad bad feeling.
feel horrible the whole day.
good thing is one student cancelled tuition. so i get to go back home early.
went down to jp and bought my swimsuit after tutoring.
so spent money again.
stupid mrt so crowded. already feel very sick already still have to pack with people in the mrt.
sigh.
got home and just slept.
hoping the headache will go.
but well. it's still here. it's still bugging me.
just hope i'll be better tmr.
sigh.
first time i really feel sick and weak. terrible.
bleh.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
fiesta
tuesday. yet another week. time is passing.
today went out with ps again.
headed for nydc at heeren's.
first time enjoying food from nydc outdoors.
nice experience great food.
look at the pics below. drools.
and cos ps got a coupon from cleo mag, we spent slightly more than half of what the original price would cost us. hehe. good offer.
today went out with ps again.
headed for nydc at heeren's.
first time enjoying food from nydc outdoors.
nice experience great food.
look at the pics below. drools.
and cos ps got a coupon from cleo mag, we spent slightly more than half of what the original price would cost us. hehe. good offer.
mushroom madness pizzza that i had. superb! the mushroom smell is omg! totally out of the world.
fresh garden salad. nice. first time i had salad with thousand island dressing.
this is what ps had. destiny's child oven baked pasta. nydc's oven baked are very nice. one of my loves. hehe.
yeap. that's for lunch. totally had a good meal.
then went walking around town. didnt spend much on stuff except for food. :)
after shopping, we went to nydc again. this time at wheelock.
so after today, i can say i have been to all the nydcs in singapore at least once!
this time we had desserts. mudpies and elephanccino. totally sinful treats. but really nice nice.
what we ordered at wheelock's nydc. nice? looks really tempting.
the ice mocha elepanccino. one whole huge jug of mocha. really heavenly. nice man.
but.
sharing is the pleasure of it. cos it's really huge.
the jedi mudster. the ice-cream layers just simply melts in the mouth. wooo. nice. haha. i love that. gonna try more mudpies next time. totally sweet sensation!
yea. that basically sums up my day. ate sooo much.
wanted to jog in the evening.
end up. rained and the ground was wet. tmr i might just force myself down to the track.
after all the sinful indulgence. haha. i've to do sthg. :)
Monday, May 02, 2005
the passing of time
one more week and sis is gonna be back from atlanta. i cant wait. really. i'll have more company.
time passes.
soon,
i'll have more free time.
soon,
i'll be so broke. cos i will stop working. drop one student for tutoring.
soon,
i'll be off to school. trying to knock sense into my disfunctioning brain.
soon,
i'll be gorging myself uncontrollably till i become even fatter.
soon,
things will change. it just takes time to.
blehh. stupid.
today. went for guitar prac in the morning and realised that time really flies. it's about 2 more weeks to concert. sigh. i need to practise hard already. or else i will be so so so so so so dead for concert.
after that had class gathering with jc class. ate at cafe cartel. goodness. i am splurging.
at first they wanted to go watch movies after that. but. the price of the ticket and simply cos we dont really have things we are dying to watch, we decided that we shall not watch movies.
went for coffee instead. coffee bean. my ever favourite. sigh. the growing love for it is making me broke. haha. but well. enjoyed coffee.
i think i talked too much. i felt myself losing my voice when i stepped out of coffee bean. haha.
i was still able to talk and i commented that i was losing my voice.
then joseph was saying i could still talk so i cant say i am going voiceless.
my reply was. to a person who is usually loud, this kind of voice already indicate losing of voice.
then after that went separate ways. the guys wanted to dota. which is like. hmm. the girls most probably wouldnt be interested. so yea. went separate ways.
i went to see what dota is all about. so yea. i stepped into a lan shop for the first time in my life with a bunch of ns guys. haha. ok. the first lan shop we went to was packed like shit. so yea. it was a mess. saw people playing and yea. noisy. no space so we headed for another place.
then, finally found a place. and i finally got a chance to see what dota is about. and i realised. i dont have a flair for that game. haha. good thing. simply cos i dont need another game addiction.
but i am amazed. seriously. the way some of the guys play are damn pro i must say. haha.
taitik was slowly explaining to me how it is played and he even let me try. mr nice guy really. then i was like dying and dying. sry ah. i really very lousy at it. and gordon never let me off easily. that's why i keep dying. sigh. but still. rather fun. the graphics are rather interesting.
just too bad i am hopeless at it.
ok. basically how i rotted time away.
after that tuition. came back sleep. i just woke up from a nap. looks like i'll find it hard to sleep tonight le. haha.
time passes.
soon,
i'll have more free time.
soon,
i'll be so broke. cos i will stop working. drop one student for tutoring.
soon,
i'll be off to school. trying to knock sense into my disfunctioning brain.
soon,
i'll be gorging myself uncontrollably till i become even fatter.
soon,
things will change. it just takes time to.
blehh. stupid.
today. went for guitar prac in the morning and realised that time really flies. it's about 2 more weeks to concert. sigh. i need to practise hard already. or else i will be so so so so so so dead for concert.
after that had class gathering with jc class. ate at cafe cartel. goodness. i am splurging.
at first they wanted to go watch movies after that. but. the price of the ticket and simply cos we dont really have things we are dying to watch, we decided that we shall not watch movies.
went for coffee instead. coffee bean. my ever favourite. sigh. the growing love for it is making me broke. haha. but well. enjoyed coffee.
i think i talked too much. i felt myself losing my voice when i stepped out of coffee bean. haha.
i was still able to talk and i commented that i was losing my voice.
then joseph was saying i could still talk so i cant say i am going voiceless.
my reply was. to a person who is usually loud, this kind of voice already indicate losing of voice.
then after that went separate ways. the guys wanted to dota. which is like. hmm. the girls most probably wouldnt be interested. so yea. went separate ways.
i went to see what dota is all about. so yea. i stepped into a lan shop for the first time in my life with a bunch of ns guys. haha. ok. the first lan shop we went to was packed like shit. so yea. it was a mess. saw people playing and yea. noisy. no space so we headed for another place.
then, finally found a place. and i finally got a chance to see what dota is about. and i realised. i dont have a flair for that game. haha. good thing. simply cos i dont need another game addiction.
but i am amazed. seriously. the way some of the guys play are damn pro i must say. haha.
taitik was slowly explaining to me how it is played and he even let me try. mr nice guy really. then i was like dying and dying. sry ah. i really very lousy at it. and gordon never let me off easily. that's why i keep dying. sigh. but still. rather fun. the graphics are rather interesting.
just too bad i am hopeless at it.
ok. basically how i rotted time away.
after that tuition. came back sleep. i just woke up from a nap. looks like i'll find it hard to sleep tonight le. haha.
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