simplicity is a dream

shall just write something before i get to sleep.

beginning to really feel weary.
so many things to manage yet i seem to be able to handle it all.
fighting a battle. fighting a war.
trying to survive through all these.
trying to take up my responsibilities and at the same time juggle my schoolwork.
the endless project work isnt doing anything to help.
hopefully i can really clear those projects soon enough and get down to doing proper studying.

next week shall be having 2 presentations.
and i seriously hate it when hopes are pinned on me to do to my best.
no doubt i'll do my best to perform.
but i sincerely dont want to carry the whole load on my shoulders.
cos i dont have the strength and energy to do it all.
i've got my limits.
stereotype me. then after that use it on me.
gosh. nothing i ever really wanted. who would wish for that.
indeed, it's some compliment. that i'm from some recognised top school.
people think i am capable. think that i am efficient. think that i am genius.
which i seriously am not.
and i dont know why simply cos of the comments i'll have to make myself be like what i'm perceived to be.
it's tiring.
it's taking a toll on me.

i've got my forgetfulness.
i've got my incompetencies.
i've got my incapabilities.
see that and understand that i'm not infallible.
i know of what the expectations are. but i'm putting effort to meet them.
not that i dont want to fail.
i hate failures. i hate my incompetencies. i hate my flaws.
who doesnt want to be perfect.
but the fact is. i can never be.
i do what i can. within my means. within the time i have.
it's not as if i have all the time in the world.
it seems like i complete most of my stuff on time.
why? cos i squeeze myself dry.
every single wee bit of time.
i try to make full use of that.
to make up for what i am short of.
to try and do what i cant.

i dont even have time to do proper revision.
which i think i'll seriously need.
i need the space. i need the time.

i dont need additional pressure.
dont keep telling me things like retaking courses.
dont keep saying it's hard to manage.
cos afterall. i'm trying to take every single step such that it's worthwhile.
so that i can reach my goal.
so that i can do what i really want to.
so that i really can be impressive.
so that i will be successful.

i'm telling myself.
i can do it.
i can manage it.
i can get my ideal grades.
i can handle everything i've taken up as my responsibility.
i can. cos i say i can.
please dont come shaking me off my feet.
cos i'm making it a point to stand firm.

damn those inconsiderate homo sapiens.

citius, altius, fortius.
faster, higher, stronger.
i shall have to be.

think. think. think.

argh. cant think.
cant think of a title to put. so that's it. gonna be that lame way.

second day since start of school after the one week break.
trying to get back into the momentum.
loads of presentation to prepare for the coming week.
getting increasingly stressed.
stupid.
man. if only i can stop time.
then i'll be able to do so much while i stop time from running.

today had hall event.
courtyard they call it.
a drama performance.
basically. went there to take photos. do nothing.
not bad i think.
some people in the hall really do make good actors.

hmm. after that was supper. rojak.
haha. so fun.

so basically wasted time la.
spent 4 hours or so out of my room cos of the events.
phew. no more events as yet. for this week.
time to focus and settle my school stuff.

argh.
beginning really think that i cannot make it.
gosh.
so much concepts that i can grasp properly.
so many things to learn.
argh.
can i get some brain booster?
i need more wisdom.

bummin' around

slack slack slack.
gosh. i'm so damn slack today.
havent really done anything constructive.
not getting down to reading my textbooks yet.

argh.
need to seriously get sthg done.
mugging marathon?
ready. get set then go.
but. when am i gonna be ready?

been a major slacker this weekend.
hmm.
time to really get things done.
i usually keep saying.
argh. damn it.
now i feel like sleeping more than anything.
but there's tv at 11pm.
hehe.

no time yet i wanna slack.
man. loser me.
lalala.

event

saturday.
first event organised by my sub-com.
hehe. in conjuction with mid-autumn fest.

basically my job was very slack.
was the station master. taking charge of the game.
while the groups will come in and play.
duties ended kind of early.
then after that helped out with food and stuff so basically just ran around yunnan gardens.

ended kind of late.
then packed up and came back home.

kind of fun.
i got so much lightsticks.
hehe. they are so lovely.
then after that took photos.
basically i was very extra.
but it was loads of fun.
first time i get to interact so close with the ids. and then also working with more people in the sub-com.
really nice. haha.

came home got so much nice stuff to eat.
damn. i'm eating so much at home.
haha.
had one-quarter of an ice-cream mooncake.
my my. omg. my first.
then also got to eat this lovely strawberry jelly cheesecake.
really very nice.

it's a pleasure.
eventful saturday.
watching full house, this really sweet korean drama.
life can be very beautiful i guess. if you want it to be.
really very very nice to be back.

school's break ending.
gosh. it seems like it never once started.
but well.
it's back to classes again.
time to really get more mugging.
haha.

tmr supposed to have class gathering but argh. cant go.
simply cos i've got my whole sunday so packed.
tutoring tutoring and more tutoring.

coming sat having photo shoot.
damn it.
zhien gonna have to start a major diet plan before i look really puffed up in a business suit.
gosh.

.drink.drank.drunk.

man.
drank for the first time in my life.
haha.
so dumb.
linda suggest drinking during lecture today.

so just now went for supper.
then took bus to jp 7-11 to buy the drinks.
man.
bought one bottle of vodka raspberry.
one bottle of vodka green apple.
one bottle of long island tea.
haha. drinks are damn ex in 7-11.

haha. then went back to hall to start drinking.
haha. so dumb.
man i'm a lousy drinker.
drank less than half a bottle and my whole face is red.
i inherited the wrong genes.

then linda, ps and chiew lin keep laughing at me.
so red and hot la.
siao.
but yea. i am still in the right state of mind.

tmr gonna hangover. sianz.

so there goes my first drinking experience.
15092005 2349.

home.love.family

home love family
there was once a time i must have had them too
home love family
i'll never be complete until i find you

lalala.
still in the singing mood.
haha.

back at home tonight.
had to come back to get stuff for logistics for saturday's event.
kind of a failed trip somehow.
went there and they are still out of stock.
well. just my luck.

gonna stay here tonight. haha.
good to be home. as usual.
i feel pampered. somehow.
it just seems so normal but i still find it a pleasure.

enjoying myself tonight i guess.
aim to sleep early after trying to get the tutorial i brought back done.
hehe.
i feel tired. so i guess it'll be better if i get enough sleep.
or else i'll be panda zhien.
haha. how cute (ugly but simply so adorable!).

yea. once again i emphasize. i love my home.
haha. it's just so nice so wonderful so great to be home.
lovely.
i like the tv. (yes i'm still at my tv marathon. havent started my tutorials.)
i like this old pc. (haha. i love typing and having the loud keyboard sound. unlike that on my laptop)
i like the comfy bed. (the mattress is really soft and comfortable. haha. anything is better than my hall's. no problem sleeping 12 hours straight without wanting to get up on the one here!)
i love the clean neat place. (my mum is totally a great housemaker. haha.)
i love everything including the mess at my corner. (yes. i still havent got down to cleaning it again. it's a hopeless area.)

today had presentation.
so was kind of tired.
but well. i survived through.
my act of some unreasonable noisy lady totally made things mad i guess.
and well. at least i knew what i was talking better.
well. another day gone.

time really flies. if only i can catch it.
day 5 of this one week recess gone.
4 more days to go.
gosh. more than half is gone.
blehh.

a whole new world

hongkong disney land opened yesterday.
wanted to blog and then start dumping disney pictures here yesterday.
still the uncontainable joy of it's opening.
i was out doing project in the morning and over at the fast food restaurant they were playing chinese versions of those disney theme songs via the radio.
gosh. yet another reason to make myself go hk for a trip soon.

but well. i was kind of tired after having a 5 hr long meeting once i got back to the hall.
first time i experience such a meeting.
well. will be better prepared the next time.
my war gear - long pants and jacket to fight the air-con, snacks and water to fight the hunger and thirst.
ha. zhien the warrior. hehe, i'm a swordswoman! (*ya this is lame*)

after that only managed to catch some sleep at 4 plus am in the morning.
thankfully, i managed to wake up on time to go for klunch today with ps.
so today sang but yea. i was kind of moody cos of the lack of sleep.
but still. it's fun. to once in a while go sing sing and sing.
made such a din i guess.
after that went to hf's house to teach him maths.
woah. total marathon for 5 plus hours. bet it must have been shag for me.
even i feel drained.
hitting back on the books to figure out how to draw loci and then those horrid geometric figures that distorts the figures totally. man. what are the children learning these days?

now kind of slack despite the fact that i've got presentation tmr. gosh. i need to seriously get things done.
2 more tutorials to go and argh. i'm deprived. deprived of time.

bless me. with a whole new world please.
lalala.
i love the song.
well. i need something new to experience to pysche up my life.
damn it.